It’s raining men, hallelujah ……

Personal Ads & Forum General Discussion It’s raining men, hallelujah ……

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    Michael Admin

    Just thinking out loud here, really.

    I’ve read a few comments & received PMs recently about the age-old problem …too many men on ABFheaven, too few women. This issue will *never* resolve itself naturally; as long as the site is open for all to join, no restrictions, then the men will always outnumber the women. We have about 75% men, 25% women. That’s not altogether terrible – apparently it’s even worse on other sites. Still, it could do with improving.

    So what to do?

    Ideas …..

    – Limit new male signs-ups? Say, on a one-for-one basis? New male member accepted only after a new female signs up. Easy to implement, a kind of waiting list. However, the site would grow much more slowly than it has.
    – Charge new male members to sign up? Say, a small one-off fee? This would certainly reduce new male registrations – possibly by 99%! And I don’t want to charge anyone anyway. But it is an option. Women sign up for free, of course. Would this result in a slew of men signing up as women, to avoid the fee, just so they can use the site a little? I think so…

    Anyway, just some thoughts off the top of my head.

    Jack In NYC

    Personally, I’m not a fan of on group having to pay and the other is free. See it used a lot and it is your discretion.

    One of the things I find, is that this is a free site run with caring about the community. Perhaps the men raising this “issue” can help with word of mouth advertising. As this is a niche interest and not easy to promote, it is up to community members to help I feel.

    Also, discouraging poor behavior that put off interested women when you see it. That is just my personal approach.

    Michael Admin

    Thanks jack, yes I also see many problems with a “free/not free” system for new female/male members. I’m not keen. Just thinking out loud.

    Anyway, my ideas were really about limiting (to a degree) new male members. What about ideas to increase new female membership.? Other than discouraging poor behaviour? Hmmm…. not easy.

    Jack In NYC

    Perhaps a control for the number of messages people are allowed to send could help? This way new folks don’t cut and paste dozens of messages a day? And others don’t fell spammed? Just an idea


    I don’t think there’s a ‘solution’ because all websites are like this.

    I think having some sort of paid membership will attract men who think they are entitled to meet someone because they’ve paid to be here.


    THat’s quite the ratio Michael. I imagine all those men being so anxious have caused a few complaints. I have noticed not many respond or have even been here in a few weeks to a month two in my area. Too many suiters I suspect..


    There are men in this group who use this site primarily for sex and don’t care about the abf/anr piece. Without getting into details I had an experience that was unpleasant and violated advanced mutually agreed upon boundaries. Perhaps a more thorough questionnaire/vetting process for men to join might be an idea.


    I know that some join just out of curiosity, then there’s the picture collector’s and we also have those playing away from home looking for a grope. Obviously we also have those who are here genuinely seeking what the site is intended for. All that aside I would be more supportive of having the inactive profiles removed, this may even up the ratios a little?


    I agree that some of the men who join sites like this aren’t really seeking what the ladies want. Inexperienced newbies looking to learn are fine – everyone has to start somewhere – but picture collectors, ‘away players’ and sex addicts are indeed a disagreeable bunch, although filtering them out is always going to be a problem.

    As Katie suggested, deleting any profiles that have been inactive for a number of months would certainly help, but that would reduce the numbers of both men and women members to the active ones. My advice would be to try advertising the site in ways or places that appeal more to women than to men. Perhaps that might help to attract greater numbers of ladies – just thinking out loud, though.


    I don’t really see the point in deleting inactive profiles. Some don’t log into the website every day. And others may have taken a break due to covid or other reasons.


    I would not be here if the site were a paid site. Maybe if when someone blocks someone else, there is an optional questionnaire? But TBH the ratios actually kept me coming back. It made me feel like I would not get lost in the crowd. It’s nice to feel special sometimes. Also the ages of people are all over the place!!! So there are plenty of gentlemen who I am happy to chat with. However, not everyone is a great age match and in the same place in their lives as me. If we were a 50/50, it would only make sense if you were targeting an age group and implementing a matching algorithm. This is a community. Rare, unique, and wonderful.

    Michael Admin

    Thanks for everybody’s comments, much food for thought. But I won’t be making any big changes, to set some people’s minds at rest.

    For me the 75/25 ratio isn’t such a big deal, to be honest. Ideally a 66/33 would be perfect.

    As suggested, maybe limits on messaging (for new users) & perhaps monitoring the number of “blocks” against any individual might help identify problems. I don’t know about this, I prefer to keep my interfering in how people use the site to an absolute minimum.

    We will reach the 5000 total users number soon, which is good. More importantly, there are now over 500 active-individual users per day on the site, which is great. At some point soon, I will start removing some of the long-term inactive users, ie. people who haven’t logged in for a year.

    Might try a few simple ad-hoc ways to limit new male sign-ups …maybe a “ladies only” week, say, once a month.
    Something simple like that.


    There will always be more men than women on any sites ( except for lesbian dating sites)
    out for the number ratio given on this site of maybe 75% men and 25% women
    I have what I call the value ratio rating of those members

    20% High Value: actively participating and really looking for a real connection or hookups
    20% Low Value: not actively participating and really just looking for hookup.
    60% No Value: Picture collectors, solicitations, selling videos pictures, Scammers, Bots.

    The thing is to get as many of the high value people as possible.
    Being a free site you’re always going to get a very high number of No value members, they know that on a paid site they get zero traction so they aren’t going to get anywhere being there.

    Now on a free site it gives you a higher percentage of members joining, it looks good as far as numbers wise but it’s a lot more wading through the weeds.

    You will find on free sites people that just wont paid to be on any sites for whatever reasons, but you’ll also find people that are paid members on paid site and have no issues paying and also members on free sites.

    Now you may think why are they doing both when they can just be on the free site, it has to do with what they deem/perceive as value added or not, for whatever reason they feel there is value in having that paid membership, people will pay if they feel they are getting something more, and usually what that mean is improved access and more features, someone said the guys that have a paid membership feel they are more entitled well they are that’s what they are paying for on paid sites they have access where non paying members don’t have. they also feel that people that are willing to pay for something may be more serious about it since they have money invested so higher member value across the board and much fewer weeds to wade through since that eliminates most of the no value members.

    One thing that you’ll find is that all the paid site were once free sites, and all the now dead sites were free sites, they just don’t last long for the most part. in order to competed in the niche market you’re going to have to be able to invest in advertising, development, updates, image/data storage and just the normal expenses to just keep the site running, most good hosting companies with good scalability and support aren’t free so to survive they had to go the paid route for member or have to find people to purchase advertising on the site. if you’re a site owner and don’t mind paying out of pocket no problems but for most that was not the case.

    How to solve the issue to getting more females to the site, you have to advertise where the ladies are at, you can do that using Google or Microsoft ads and target by gender and also write ads that would appeal to the female senses, but it’s not free to do so, if the owners here don’t mind paying out of pocket no problem. you can also do word of mouth but that will take the ladies to put the word out in places anywhere women may congregate, women forums, lactation forums…ETC men trying to do this won’t have the same positive effect unless it’s somewhere both men and women congregate to discuss issues dealing with ANR/ABF.


    I agree with Mooncake. A small investment demonstrates a commitment and would thin the herd of sexually assaultive and exploitive members on this site. I’d be willing to pay as a female member to meet men genuinely about this lifestyle.


    I have been on 2 other sites since the beginning and they were free. Then they went to paid. Free or paid still the same issues. More men than women. No matter what site there are still men that are rude and do not respect women.

    Most of that comes from them not understanding what ABF/ANR is really about. To them its kinky and sex.

    Our community is very small and not very well accepted and it may take time for that to happen.
    I have been into this for going on 7 yrs. I can tell you things have gotten better.

    Michael you cannot please everyone. You run a good site. What I like about it is I can talk to who ever I want instead of just someone that paid $20 a year to join.

    Paying to join this site will not make a difference in how many men and women you have or how people will act.

    I do think anyone not active for 6 months should be deleted. Just from being on other ANR/ABF sites usually means they are no longer interested and found something else to move on to.

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