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I’m starting to think “just be honest with me” is one of the biggest lies we tell each other.
Everyone LOVES honesty when it sounds like:
“I’m attracted to you.”
“I agree with you.”
“You were right.”
“I want the same thing you do.”
Oh, we’re HUGE fans of honesty then.
But what about:
“I’m not interested.”
“I don’t agree with you.”
“I like you, but I don’t want what you want.”
“You’re attractive, but you’re not my type.”
“I think you were wrong.”
Still a big fan?
Because I think THIS is where it gets interesting.
If someone tells us the truth and our immediate response is to argue, get defensive, demand an explanation, try to change their mind, or punish them for saying it…we didn’t really want honesty.
We wanted the answer we wanted!
And before anyone gets their panties in a twist, honesty isn’t a hall pass to be a jerky face. You can tell the truth without wielding it like a weapon. Kindness and tact still matter.
But if someone is being genuinely honest and not deliberately cruel, can you handle hearing something that bruises your ego? Disappoints you? Challenges you? Can you hear “I’m not interested” without needing to know WHY? Can someone disagree with you without you needing to convince them they’re wrong?
We all SAY we want honesty.
I’m just not entirely convinced we mean it.
XOXO,
Lola May 😘🤓💋🙃
Another thoughtful post full of insight. Thanks for another wonderful contribution.
I completely agree with this. As someone who deeply values honesty and truth, I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve had people tell me, “You’re too far away” or “You’re not what I’m looking for,” and I accepted it. I’ve also had to say those exact words to someone else. Because I stood firm on what I wanted—and she respected my honesty—we actually ended up becoming friends. I’ve even had to tell people at the pub who tried to buy me drinks that I wasn’t interested, just to keep things transparent.One of the main reasons I left my old job was because of the toxic culture—people talking behind your back while pretending to be your friend. I’d always rather know if someone has a problem with me. That way, I can either fix it or just move on with my life.The truth definitely hurts sometimes, but it’s the only way you can grow as a person. If people can’t handle a polite, honest answer, they need to mature a bit, take it on the chin, and move on. Disappointment never gives anyone the right to be rude.
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