When Do You Stop Carrying the Conversation?

[Simon]

This is a conversation skill that I have been getting better at. Honestly, the minute the other person doesn’t respond to a message I’ve sent, I learn to just let it go. If this person was interested in me, they’d find a way to respond. If I’m really really interested in this person, I will wait a few days until the next weekend (because we all get busy during the week) and try one more message. Not pushy, not “hey what happened?”. I’m not entitled to anyone’s engagement or undivided attention.

[Anonymous]

Simon if you don’t reply to my private messages in 5 minutes our secret love life is over and all the many nights I cried for you is wasted lol just joking bro hahaha just trying to laugh while everyone is so serious 😅 😆 😄 😂 🤣 😉

[Rocco]

Hi I find what you’re talking about happens to both sexes. The majority of people are not great at carrying a conversation, so at this point I just assume the odds are that whoever I’m speaking with is not a good conversationalist so, if they turn out to be, I’m pleasantly surprised. A good conversationalist (who is also interested in you) WILL match your energy and will ask to have an actual call (via the site or off-site) and if you reply that you aren’t ready yet, they will take it in stride, and keep chatting with you and get to know you. If they are kind of a flat or dry chatter, then maybe they a) aren’t that into you or b) are frying a bigger fish elsewhere. So overall, assume someone is not going to be an engaging chatter, so when you do find one, you can be pleasantly surprised.

[Creamandcoffee]

Quick update, and thank you to everyone who shared their perspective. 😊

I also want to clarify that this post wasn’t meant to bash or single out men. I’ve experienced one-sided conversations with women too. I was genuinely curious about the male perspective because most of my conversations here have been with men.

Interestingly, I recently had this exact issue with someone. I told him the conversation felt one-sided, he acknowledged that he hadn’t really gotten to know much about me, and said he’d make more effort. I gave it another couple of weeks, but the dynamic really didn’t change.

When I eventually said I didn’t think it was going anywhere, I was told that I hadn’t communicated what I wanted, even though we had already had that conversation.

So I think my takeaway is still pretty simple: communication isn’t just saying you’re interested in getting to know someone. There has to be some genuine curiosity and effort behind it too.

Thanks again to everyone who contributed. I’ve genuinely appreciated hearing the different perspectives.

[NOC]

“ when you’re genuinely interested in someone, do you naturally ask questions to get to know her?”

For me it is yes. I can speak for other people but if there is mutual interest then the conversation should have a great back and forth and carry itself. It’s a good sign. If not, I move on. It takes two to tango.

[Tom]

As much as I wish this site was different, dating app dynamics happen on this site just like any other. Though, I do like this forum.

I have seen this question pop up in the forum from both men and women too. I agree, one sided conversations are frustrating to say the least. Though, in my experience, one sided conversations usually turn into ghosting and are an indicator something is off.

I also agree that the one sided conversations reveal the others personality/interest/availability as well. Those who are healthy, available, and interested will respond with more than a few token words, faster, and will ask questions in return. You can literally feel their energy/passion in their words even if it is only text.

I usually ask questions on each exchange and I am researching better questions so the conversation does not feel like an interview and more like the person is there with me.

When ghosting and one sided conversations happen, I have to pause and ask a question to myself: is this the relationship that I want? – I know I don’t want to do all of the relationship work myself or receive the silent treatment. So, I let the fish back into the pond. I would much rather be in a relationship where we are both short with Cupids bow and can’t get enough of each other.

Keep talking, the right person for you is out there.

[Author]

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