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Well, aren’t you the lucky girl! 🙄 I’m particularly fascinated by the fact that he doesn’t ALWAYS lead with that. Apparently, you inspired something special! And now we’re being asked about fluid levels?! Nikki, the romance around here is just breathtaking. 😘
I’m laughing at how many times you politely told him no, and he just kept coming back with increasingly ridiculous offers. 😂😂 As though eventually you’d say, “Well, why didn’t you mention THAT in the first place?!” 😏
Oh my goodness, the father and son are still making the rounds I guess?! At this point, I’m wondering how many women they’ve approached!
And I couldn’t agree more about conversation. A little curiosity about the woman you’re hoping to get to know really shouldn’t be such a rare talent. 🫶🏻
@lkr93d 🌸 I’m starting to think the father and son have a mailing list! 😳 And those long introductions kill me. I haven’t even decided whether I want to talk to you, and I’m already on chapter six of your autobiography! 🙄
@milkywaymtngal 🤗 you dangled the possibility of a lifetime dessert buffet and he showed up with a spoon before you’d even finished speaking! 😂 The funny thing is, you’re absolutely right. The bar isn’t particularly high, yet some of these men are determined to limbo right under it! 🤓
@sind🩷 I didn’t start this thread so we could all exercise restraint!🤓 If you’ve got more, we’re all ears. I have a feeling our inboxes could keep us entertained for days! 🫶🏻
Well, that escalated quickly @emmypat! Not even a chance to say thank you for the compliment before we’re discussing the back entrance! Good grief! 🙄
My hypothesis my dear Lola and this has been for a while is that it’s just access to the boobs (for some).
The pics are like it’s a drug that brings a high. If it weren’t a privacy risk of having my pics floating on the internet, I might just say to these users “please just take these pics .. because then I don’t have to deal with all the games. “
So in that sense are my breasts a problem? I am beginning to feel like yes that is the case because they do not allow a real conversation to flourish to get to know a person genuinely because unfortunately it always comes back to that uneven dynamic/playing field …”you have something that I want and you’re keeping it away from me “ rather than “we both gain something from making this relationship work” which is the ideal in my mind.. we both have cravings, will find peace and will support each other through thick and thin of having an ANR.
That coming to meet each other at the middle will even the playing field and might reduce some of the animosity that me holding something away from you might generate in your mind. That’s a great start in any situation as it generates good will towards each other.
I think you’ve put your finger on something important here, Sparkling. When someone starts viewing your breasts as something you’re withholding from them, rather than something you might genuinely want to share when and if you feel ready, the whole dynamic can change…and not for the better.
Your breasts aren’t the problem, and neither is his attraction to them. What matters is remembering that his desire never creates an obligation for you! Consent should be freely given, mutual, and something you can revisit at any time.
And I think that’s what sometimes gets lost: women have desires too. We’re here for the excitement, affection, connection, and pleasure that feel meaningful to us, not simply to fulfill someone else’s fantasy.
I love what you said about meeting in the middle. That’s where mutual respect, trust, and the good stuff can grow.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response @sind! 🩷🤓
If you want insight into a lot of people on this site before you even talk to them, all you gotta do is go browse the photos and puzzles and look at the comments people post on them (publicly, even!!) They tell you a lot. They’re just as frightening and/or pathetic as some of the email “introductions” that were shared in this forum. 🤦♂️😆
And there are some members who seem to post comments on nearly every photo and puzzle on the site, which seems somewhat skeevy to me all by itself.
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I’ve been asked a few times privately if I REALLY want people sharing the disgusting things that land in their inboxes.
ABSOLUTELY I DO!
How is anything supposed to change if we keep brushing it under the rug? Pretending it doesn’t happen? Quietly accepting behavior that deserves to be called out?
Say it out loud! Let’s laugh at the ridiculous, talk about the offensive, and maybe make a few people think twice before hitting send.
We’re not naming names or humiliating anyone. We’re talking about behavior that has gone unchallenged for far too long.
I love this community, and I think we can make it better. But we can’t change what we refuse to acknowledge.
So please, keep sharing! ❤️😘
The only ones who will take it personally or (hopefully!!) feel humiliated will be the ones who send those messages. As they SHOULD feel.
Hello all,
I’m not sure public shaming is the penultimate vehicle for achieving change. One might consider the impact this has on newbies, especially since public shaming can indicate targeting, prejudice, spitefulness and a site favoring revenge over growth.
I agree with the tennets for change! No woman should have to endure this unless she solicits this behavior for some reason. Perhaps a constructive solution could be crafted by Michael under a FAQ–Example of appropriate and inappropriate introductions, and how to write to women; Since the average IQ has been reportedly dipping below 100, I fear that some of the horrific introductions women are receiving are, most unfortunately, unavoidable. However, modeling appropriate behavior, and contrasting those to inappropriate introductions, in a structured forum, of “How to make women friends, and win over a partner!” might go farther to effect the change we all seek. I know some will reply that many won’t read such a repository of value. But, in his wisdom, Michael might find the carrot that leads the horde through, like points, or little unlocks, or tiny site perks, for reviewing this compilation of appropriate and inappropriate conversations. Public rants turn me off, and make the site seem unkind in a way. Some may have said outlandish things because they are not properly educated or lack the online skills, or IQ horsepower. Let’s assume the best, and see if we can help them out, and be a better family. Thank you.Oh, @matureazmalelatch I have quite a few thoughts about this!
First, who exactly is being publicly shamed? Not a single person has been named. Women are sharing their own experiences, laughing at some genuinely absurd introductions, and having conversations about behavior that many of us encounter regularly. That’s not revenge. That’s a conversation.
And I find it rather interesting that the concern immediately becomes how uncomfortable these stories might make the men reading them, rather than how uncomfortable the actual messages made the women receiving them.
As for educating people, I’m all for it and I’m sure @tuehlykv is as well. In fact, there might be a Quick Start Guide for the site in the very near future…stay tuned! But I don’t believe education and open discussion are mutually exclusive. Quite the opposite.
I also think we’re giving grown men far too little credit when we suggest they might simply lack the intelligence to understand why sending an unsolicited photograph of their genitals to a complete stranger isn’t a particularly charming introduction. 😂 Surely we can expect a little more from them than that!
And here’s something else worth considering. New members, particularly women, might actually BENEFIT from seeing these conversations. They discover they’re not alone, that other women have experienced similar things, and that they’re perfectly entitled to have boundaries.
You mentioned that discussions like this turn you off and make the site feel unkind. Fair enough! But participation in the forum is entirely voluntary. You’re absolutely welcome to scroll past conversations that don’t appeal to you, just as the rest of us are welcome to have them.
I love this community. That’s precisely why I’m willing to talk about things that aren’t always comfortable. And frankly, I find it a little troubling that the proposed solution to women speaking openly about inappropriate behavior is to suggest they do it somewhere else, in a more structured, less offensive fashion.
If women can’t even describe inappropriate behavior without being accused of public shaming, whose comfort are we really protecting?
Something worth thinking about.
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