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I thought it might be fun to celebrate some of the more extraordinary attempts at making a first impression. Apparently “Hello, how are you?” is simply too pedestrian for some of you. 😏
A few contenders from my own inbox:
“My wife says I can nurse you as long as I don’t fall in love.”
“Would you be willing to nurse a father and son?”
“How do you feel about a grown man crying while he nurses?”
And sometimes there’s no opening line at all. Just an unsolicited 🍆. Apparently we’re letting the family jewels handle introductions now.
So, let’s hear them!
What’s the worst, filthiest opening LINE you’ve ever received? Or, if you’re feeling particularly brave, one you’ve sent?
And let’s have a little redemption round. What’s the BEST opening line you’ve received? The one that actually made you smile, blush, laugh, or want to respond?
One rule: NO NAMES and NO SCREENSHOTS. The sentences will stand trial. The senders stay anonymous.
I expect to blush at least twice. 😘
Oh Lola… hahahaha
Here’s a literal opener: “Do you have big areolas and are you ok giving handys after breastfeeding while I look at instagram girls?” …um are 13 year old boys finding their way on here?I enjoy the polite conversational ones.
Kind of like how you’d talk to someone standing in line behind you at a cafe.The absolute best ones introduce themselves, mention something they picked up on in my profile, and if they provide their photo I know they are considerate. (The ones that want to remain anonymous are more concerned for their own comfort than for mine, which is fine, but I prefer someone who is wanting to establish a comfortable rapport.)
BTW @lolamayi12345 Love the new profile pic 🧙 🔥🔮💕
What I don’t get is why someone would ask you that when you are good looking yourself. Kind of insulting lol. It’s like saying hey. I like sucking your tits but I’m not attracted to you. Like what????
This was one particularly dodgy one – not a screenshot but I did save the text for prosperity. Funnily enough Michael booted him from site shortly after I’d reported it!!
Here we go:
I’ve always had a big thing for sucking tits and lactating tits. When I was on holiday in Italy when I was 20 I was alone in my room when the cleaning maid asked to come in, she had big boobs and she noticed I was looking. I stayed in the room and every now and again her top got looser because she was deliberately making it looser until one of her big boobs fell out. She asked me if I wanted to suck, so I did. As I was sucking she got her other boob out. After about 5 seconds of sucking I started tasting her breast milk and within a couple of minutes her other boob was spraying milk. I must have spent an hour drinking her milk then she got fully naked, sat on my face and she started pissing. Because I drank so much milk I started pissing and drenching her naked body.
JEN!!! So you’re supposed to provide the boobs, the breastfeeding, the handjob AND the entertainment while he looks at other women?! Good Lord, does he need you to hold his phone too?! 🙄
And yes, I’m with you on the conversational approach. A man who can actually make me laugh and keep my attention is already miles ahead of the competition.
Thank you, honey!! I’m feeling a little witchy these days! 🧙♀️😘
What did I just read?!? 😳 I was NOT expecting that plot twist! One minute we’re enjoying a little Italian holiday romance, the next everybody’s peeing on everybody! 🤢
And he sent you all of that as an INTRODUCTION?! What on earth was the follow-up going to be?!
You CANNOT make this shit up! I’m so glad you saved it!! 😂
To be fair, he was booted for his limited grammar style. Using “when” three times in the same sentence? Sorry pal, you have to go. 🤣🤣🤣
Yep, that was my first and only message from him. And what an introduction it was!!
Michael, you just made me choke on my tea I was laughing so much, peppermint tea coming down your nose stings, so I’ve just found out 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Michael, I’m so relieved to know someone is protecting us from the real perverts…The grammatically challenged! 🤓😘
Ok so I will give this a try it goes “Hi” reply “Hello”.
“You’re not too far” “Add me as a friend so I can see those juicy titties” 🛑“Too bad I’m not local to you. I know you stipulated that in your profile but I was intrigued by you combined with loneliness and to be honest, horniness made me message you.” “Add me as a friend”
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