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Someone mentioned BDSM in relation to ABF recently and, well…THIS one happens to fall a little closer to my side of the playground. 🤭
I think the two can go together beautifully.
And I don’t mean simply adding something stereotypically “kinky” to nursing. BDSM is far too broad and nuanced for that. It can involve power, sensation, service, ritual, anticipation, psychological play, vulnerability, caretaking, control, surrender, trust and a thousand variations that are entirely particular to the people involved.
What interests me is what happens when all of that meets something as intimate as ABF.
Nurturing can contain power. Dominance can be incredibly tender. Submission can be deliberate and powerful. Caretaking can be part of the kink. Roles can shift, overlap, reverse, or change completely depending on the moment. None of those things are contradictory to me.
In fact, I think that complexity can add an entirely different dimension to a relationship.
And perhaps ABF brings something interesting to BDSM too. There’s an inherent vulnerability and tenderness to nursing that could soften certain dynamics, intensify others, or create something altogether different between two people who already understand each other in that language.
I’m very firmly in the don’t yuck someone else’s yum camp. Something doesn’t have to turn me on for me to understand why it turns YOU on. Consenting adults get to make their own rules, and frankly, I think the differences are part of what makes conversations like this interesting!
So for those of you who wander around this particular corner of the playground too, how do the two intersect for you? Does BDSM deepen ABF? Does ABF change something about your BDSM dynamic? Or are they two completely separate parts of you?
I have my own thoughts, obviously.
But I’m VERY curious about yours. 🫶🏻
XOXO,
Lola May 🩷
I believe it’s a “switch” situation. Or kind of like Scylla and Charybdis. Somewhere in between.
I think “switch” is a great place to land! I’ve never found the idea of power permanently residing on one side particularly interesting. The ability to move between the two can be half the fun!🙃
Although Scylla and Charybdis is quite the analogy, David. 😂 Apparently we’re not switching—we’re navigating treacherous waters and hoping nobody gets eaten. ❤️
@lolamayi12345 lol the old expression is “somewhere between Scylla And Charybdis” As you know more metaphoric
I never had much interest in the bdsm community in the past because I always saw it as like a pleasure for pain kind of thing, but recently, I’ve been learning more and more about it and I’m realizing that is not the case! And I definitely think there can be aspect of nursing that plays in the roles of dom and sub! And I think it can create some very intimate moments as well
It seems like many people have the understanding that BDSM is all whips and chains. Not even close. There are many subtle nuances of bdsm that the average person doesn’t see.
How does this pertain to Abf? A partner allowing me to breastfeed from her could be considered a submission. Likewise, letting my guard down as she fills my mouth is also a submission of sorts. Trust in one another is key.
Now if she wants to dress up in bovine lingerie, who am I to say no?😜🤗😘I’ve never really thought about BDSM before, but I always keep an open mind and never judge what others enjoy. While I probably wouldn’t go as far as the physical sides of it, like being tied up, the idea of anticipation definitely catches my eye!In an ABF context, I imagine that waiting for that intimate moment—or having rules around when it can happen—could build up so much sweet, intense energy. It turns the wait itself into a beautiful part of the connection.The shift of power sounds fascinating too. ABF is already so vulnerable, so intentionally handing over control feels like a huge testament to trust. It really shows how a dynamic like this could build an even bigger bond when mixed with that level of intimacy.
I’m somewhat interested in the D/s aspects, but not the B or SM. I’m probably more sub.
YES! And I think that misconception—that BDSM is essentially pain dressed up as pleasure keeps a lot of people from realizing how much territory actually lives under that umbrella.
For me, some of the most interesting parts have very little to do with pain at all. It’s the psychology, trust, vulnerability, anticipation, and the freedom to explore different dynamics with someone who understands you.
And I agree completely about nursing. There’s already so much intimacy and vulnerability there that bringing other dynamics into it can add entirely new layers. THAT intersection is what fascinates me. 🤭❤️
@grogman 😉
YES. The idea that BDSM is all whips, chains and pain really does flatten something incredibly nuanced.
But what I find particularly interesting in what you said is the idea that both people could be submitting in the same moment, just in entirely different ways. One through offering access and trust, the other through letting down his guard and allowing himself to be vulnerable. That gets much closer to what fascinates me about the overlap.
So now I’m curious…if both people are surrendering something, where do you think the power actually lives in that moment? Is someone still holding it, or is the exchange itself the point?
And as for the bovine lingerie…you were doing SO well. 😂🤭❤️
BDSM and ABF can live in the same place and can bring both worlds closer for one or both people.
I think it can add another unexplored dimension for satisfaction for one or both people.
I can be satisfying for one person but not the other, that is what the world is all aboutI think you’ve landed on one of the things people often miss about BDSM, the MIND can be every bit as interesting as anything physical. 🤭 Anticipation, permission, rules, having to wait…sometimes what isn’t happening yet is precisely what creates the intensity.
And I agree about trust. Choosing to give someone a degree of control requires vulnerability, but knowing they understand what you’re giving them, and what to do with it 😉, is where it becomes really interesting to me.
So now I’m curious…if anticipation is the part that caught your attention, what is it about the waiting or the rules that appeals to you? The loss of control, the build-up, or simply knowing someone else gets to decide? 🤓
I think D/s is probably the piece people most underestimate when they assume BDSM has to involve pain. There’s an entire psychological dynamic there that can exist without either the B or the SM.
And now you’ve made me curious. When you say you’re “probably more sub,” what is it about that side of the dynamic that appeals to you? The surrender of control? Trusting someone else to take the lead? Structure? Service? Something else entirely?
I’m always more interested in the why than the label. 🫶🏻
@robaz 😘
I definitely agree that combining the two can open up an entirely different dimension.
I did pause at “satisfying for one person but not the other,” though. I don’t think both people necessarily have to enjoy the same things or even experience them in the same way, but reciprocity matters to me!The really interesting dynamics are the ones where we may be getting completely different things from the experience, yet somehow both walk away feeling very well fed. 😉
So now I’m curious…when you picture BDSM and ABF overlapping, what does that actually look like for you? What’s the dimension you think it adds that ABF alone doesn’t? 💋🤓
As far as bdsm and ABF go, me and my partner have experimented with controlled times for pumping/feeding to deny the release. Nipple clamps and binding of her breasts when full. We also enjoy hand expressing while she is on all fours.
Of course as with everything everyone will have their own boundaries and limits for these things.
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