Don’t Yuck My Yum 🤭

[Lola]

@christylynn 🫶🏻

Ohhh, welcome! And I’m glad you jumped into this conversation because you’re coming at it from almost the opposite direction of some of the people here. BDSM is familiar territory for you and ANR/ABF is the new world you’re wandering into. 🤭

I’ve actually been fascinated by the kink versus lifestyle distinction since I got here too. I’m not sure I even need ANR to fit neatly into either category. I think for some people it’s absolutely a kink, for others it becomes part of the fabric of a relationship, and for some it probably wanders happily back and forth between the two.

And the healing piece interests me a LOT. I believe people when they say BDSM has been healing for them, but I’m also really curious about what we mean when we use that word. Was it the BDSM itself that was healing? Was it finally having a safe place to explore control or surrender? Being able to trust someone with vulnerable parts of yourself? Having boundaries respected? Being able to ask for what you wanted without shame?

Maybe the thing that heals isn’t necessarily the kink at all. Maybe sometimes it’s what gets to happen inside the relationship because of it.

That’s the rabbit hole I could happily disappear down for a while. 🤓

Anyway, I’m really glad you’re here and REALLY glad you decided to jump into the conversation. I have a feeling you’re going to have an interesting perspective on this particular topic. 😊🤭🙃

[Triton™]

Well Lola, I came into this thread thinking “Ah yes, ABF and BDSM… two topics I absolutely understand with the confidence of a man who once accidentally tied himself to a dining chair with a laptop charger.”

So naturally, I read your post like a student who wandered into the wrong lecture hall but stayed because the professor was really enthusiastic.

What I can say is this, the way you describe the overlap makes it sound less like two worlds colliding and more like two departments at the same company finally admitting they’ve been sharing office supplies for years.

The idea of roles shifting mid‑moment feels extremely relatable. I can barely maintain dominance over my houseplants, let alone a whole dynamic.

As for the “don’t yuck my yum” philosophy then absolutely. If someone wants to combine two things they enjoy, who am I to judge? I once dipped a croissant in chocolate sauce. People are complex.

As for how the two intersect for me, well let’s just say my personal playground is more like the quiet corner with the comfy bench where I observe everyone else’s creativity and think, “Fascinating, I should take notes.”

I love reading perspectives like yours, which are thoughtful, nuanced and delivered with the kind of enthusiasm that makes me wonder if I should be taking a refresher course in Human Intimacy 101.

Carry on, explorers of the multidimensional playground. I’ll be over here with my metaphorical juice box, cheering you on. 🫠

[Lola]

@milkylunch 😘

Triton, I swear. I started laughing at the laptop charger and then “I can barely maintain dominance over my houseplants” finished me.😂

And I’m not buying this whole comfy bench and juice box business. You may not want to PLAY on this particular playground, but you’re far too curious about people to just sit quietly in the corner. You’ll be over there watching, asking questions and taking entirely too many mental notes. 🤓

So keep your juice box, my friend…But, I’m keeping an eye on you and that laptop charger.😉🙃

[Bill]

@lolamayi12345
I absolutely respect hard limits. I was more thinking of a limit that a sub may not have even considered or like you said, a “I think my limit may be here” type. That’s why I always have clear communication before anything starts. If there are hard limits, those are discussed and respected. If there are limits that are more flexible, then those may be pushed.

[Lola]

@sirise92 😉

Ahhh, yes. THAT distinction I’m completely with you on.

There’s a world of difference between “this is a hard no” and “I’m curious where my edge actually is.” And I suppose that’s exactly where things like the red/yellow/green system become so useful. You can explore that edge together without either person having to predict beforehand exactly where it’s going to be.

And honestly, sometimes discovering that you like something you were absolutely certain you wouldn’t is half the fun. 😎

[Bill]

@lolamayi12345

Exactly! It’s good to have some loose framework in your mind about what will happen, but exploring is the fun part

[Rumina]

True, exploring is the fun part. It all comes down to deep trust and basic respect for one another.
And loyalty. No backstabbing.

[Lola]

@dairydaisy 🩷

Absolutely! And I think trust is what actually gives people the freedom to explore in the first place. It’s a lot easier to be curious and vulnerable when you know the person beside you is going to handle both with care.

[Author]

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