Don’t Yuck My Yum 🤭

[Lola May]

@sind 🌸

Oh goodness, I’m certainly not jumping down your throat. 🫶🏻

And no, I don’t think you need to analyze every experience and decide which little box it belongs in. That sounds exhausting! If thinking about whether you’re being B, D, S or anything else pulls you out of the moment, then I’d say forget the damn letters and enjoy yourself.

I like talking about all of this because I find the psychology and the different dynamics interesting, not because I think everything needs a label.

Sometimes a label helps you understand something about yourself. Sometimes it’s just a label.

And sometimes you should probably just get out of your head and have a really good time. 😉🩷🫶🏻

[Lola May]

@lizzybeth 😘

GURL. 😂❤️ I had a feeling this topic might bring a few of us out of the woodwork.

And now you’ve REALLY got my attention because you’ve actually incorporated the two and loved it. 🤭

I’m curious about something you can probably answer here without giving away all your secrets.Did adding BDSM change the way ABF felt for you emotionally or mentally? Or was it more that ABF just fit naturally into a dynamic you already had?

And yes, I’ll probably still take you up on that DM because now I have all the questions. 😂🫶🏻🤓

[Lola May]

@mr-french 😉😘

Well Mr. French, I’m beginning to think you may have practiced a little more BDSM than you realized!

And I actually LOVE your question about whether a submissive woman becomes dominant while breastfeeding her dominant partner. I don’t necessarily think she does. I think that’s where this gets really interesting. Maybe the roles don’t have to reverse at all just because the person giving or receiving changes. Or maybe for that particular moment, the power shifts completely. I suspect it depends entirely on the two people.

That fluidity is probably one of the things I find most appealing. I don’t particularly want everything neatly labeled while it’s happening. Sometimes I want to know exactly who has the reins, and sometimes I think it would be much more fun to realize they changed hands somewhere along the way. 🤭

And as for that last little paragraph of yours, Mr. French, I see what you did there. 😘💋🤓

[MizzLizz]

So funny enough ABF was def the gateway to kink for me. And thru ABFbecause of a partner I had i found my way to FLR.

In my personal experience in trying to find a partner here (the one I had was found on a diff site) and the grand majority do not want to invest emotionally so when I discovered kink I realized I could have it all lol.
I don’t think I can answer more here but as I said feel free to DM and we can discuss and talk further.

I’m sure you will figure out where on the spectrum I fall lol. I also think strictly ABF lends itself more where the woman would be the non-submissive when engaged in that role. But that is just my personal opinion.

[Lola May]

@qualitydrink49 🤗

There you are! I KNEW this topic wasn’t getting past you without an opinion.😉

And clearly you’ve spent enough time in the BDSM world to have seen the good, the bad and probably some VERY questionable decision making. 🤭

So I actually want your take on something. What separates a genuinely good Dom from someone who just really likes being in charge? Because I think those are two VERY different things, and I suspect you’ve encountered plenty of both.

Also, I’m not remotely surprised that your contribution began with “take me to a dungeon.” 😂 Somehow that feels exactly right. 🫶🏻

[Lola May]

@lizzybeth 😉

Okay, ABF being your gateway into kink and then somehow leading you to FLR has DEFINITELY made me curious.

And I think you’re right that there’s something about ABF that can naturally put the woman in a position of power, although I don’t necessarily think that makes her dominant. That’s part of what I find so interesting about it. The power can move around.

But I’ll behave and stop asking you to tell all your business in public.

And that little “I’m sure you’ll figure out where on the spectrum I fall” absolutely made me laugh.

And, I intend to. 🤓🩷

[QualityDrink 😎 😊😁]

Well absolutely there are differences between a good strong Dom and a dom who likes to be in charge.

A good Dom knows the full respect and responsibility of being a leader.
A Dom who exerts his control in such a non meaningful way may lack the expertise but will still have high expectations from his sub.

Hope this helps Lola May xx

[Bill]

@lolamayi12345 Yes, I believe the Dom holds most of the power after it is willingly given up by the sub. The sub still retains some degree of power, how much varies by situation. The sub should always feel comfortable taking back the power by invoking a safeword. The Dom is entrusted to hold the power given up by the sub. At that point the Dom is tasked with pushing the sub’s limits. Often well beyond what the sub thought their limits were. Kind of like the boiling a frog metaphor. If you throw a frog in a pot of hot water, it’s going to jump out. If you instead put the frog in a pot of cool water and slowly increase the heat, the frog doesn’t notice. Same with D/s relationships. Push the sub’s limits slowly with after care and pulling back occasionally, eventually those limits will be reached and possibly pushed beyond the limit the sub had in mind. The Dom and sub will both be better for it. The Dom gets to feel a sense of accomplishment by bending the will of the sub and the sub gets to feel how much the Dom cares for them and has helped them “expand their horizons” so to speak. As far as incorporating ABF into a D/s relationship, I think it’s like anything else, it depends on the relationship. You could have a Dom and sub who keep the two completely separate, like they do their lives outside the relationship. You could have a Dom and sub who use ABF as part of pushing limits. Maybe the Dom is the male and “forces” the sub to lactate. Maybe the Dom is the female and “forces” the sub to drink from her. As far as the B,S, and M parts, oh I can think of lots of ways to incorporate lactation with those lol. Like others have said, a D/s relationship and an ANR both involve a level of care, so I don’t think they are that different. Both take time, commitment, and trust.

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