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I have a possibly unpopular opinion, which, to be fair, is generally my favorite kind. I think some of us might be taking this whole thing a little too seriously.
Now, before anyone gets their panties in a twist, I’m not saying ABF itself isn’t serious or meaningful. For some people, it absolutely is. Some people are here hoping to find an ABF partner. Some want a relationship. Some want friendship. Some have wanted this for years and are finally somewhere they can talk about it openly.
And some of us are here to flirt, post a few sexy pictures, have interesting conversations and occasionally cause a little trouble… Hi. It’s me.😉😈💋
What I don’t understand is why any one of those reasons has to be more legitimate than another. There seems to be this idea sometimes that if you’re on an ABF site, you should be actively trying to make ABF happen. Otherwise, what exactly are you doing here?
Having F-U-N!!That’s what I’m doing here!!
And I don’t think every interaction has to be going somewhere. Not every flirtation is the beginning of something. Not every good conversation needs to end with exchanging numbers, planning a meeting or checking airfare. Sometimes flirting is just flirting.
And flirting can be fucking fun!
I love good banter. I love someone who can make me laugh. I love teasing someone and getting it right back. I love when a perfectly innocent conversation takes a slight left turn and suddenly there’s something else happening underneath it.
That doesn’t mean I’m secretly interviewing you for a position.
There is no position! You may stand down!
And while we’re here, sometimes women post sexy pictures because they enjoy posting sexy pictures. I realize this concept has been baffling portions of the internet since approximately 1997, but a woman posting a sexy picture is not necessarily an announcement that she is currently accepting applications.
Maybe she felt sexy. Maybe she liked the picture. Maybe she likes attention. Hell, we all know I like attention. Attention is fun! Maybe she enjoys knowing people are looking. Maybe she knew exactly what that picture would do when she posted it and that was half the fun.😉😇🔥
None of that means she owes anybody the next step.
The same goes for flirting. If someone flirts with you, enjoy the flirt. Don’t immediately start writing the sequel.
“She keeps flirting with me. She must want to meet.”
Maybe. Or, and stay with me here…maybe she likes flirting with you!
“She posts pictures all the time. She must be looking for someone.”
Maybe she likes posting pictures.
“She talks about ABF, so obviously she wants to actually do it with someone here.”
You’re going to want to sit down for this one.
No.
Not every interaction needs a destination. Sometimes the interaction is the destination.
I actually think we’ve forgotten how enjoyable that can be. You can meet someone you never would have crossed paths with in real life, have a hilarious conversation, make each other blush a little, learn something interesting about them and then…go about your day.
Nothing needs to happen next. Nobody needs to define it. Nobody needs to start picking out curtains. You just enjoyed another human being for a while.
The only thing required for any of this to work is honesty.
If you’re here looking for a serious ABF relationship, say that. If you want to meet someone in real life, say that. If you’re only interested in people who live nearby, say that. And if you’re here to make friends, flirt, post pictures and have no intention whatsoever of turning any of it into real life, say that too.
Then read what everyone else says they’re here for. Actually read it. And believe them.
Don’t assume your irresistible charm is going to change someone’s mind. Don’t treat a boundary like a challenge. And please don’t turn someone else’s playfulness into a promise they never made.
We can want completely different things and still enjoy each other. Personally, I like that not everyone here is looking for the same thing. It makes the place more interesting.
Sometimes I want an intelligent conversation. Sometimes I want to be ridiculous. Sometimes I want to flirt. Sometimes I want to post a picture because I look damn good in it. And sometimes I say something in the forum knowing perfectly well I’m stirring the pot, then sit back and enjoy myself.
I contain multitudes.
If you find the love of your life here, wonderful. If you finally find the ABF relationship you’ve wanted for twenty years, wonderful. If you make a real friend, wonderful. And if you spend an evening laughing and flirting outrageously with someone 4,000 miles away whom you will never meet? Also wonderful.
Be honest about what you want. Pay attention to what other people want. Respect the difference. Then have some damn fun!!!
We are grown adults hanging out on a website about breastfeeding.
Surely we don’t have to make everything so serious.
XOXO,
Lola May 😇😈
Great post. Maybe we should all start being a little more honest and upfront about our intentions or desires when we come on here. Can’t be fooled if she told you upfront all she wanted was to flirt and have a good conversation right?
Great commentary, Lola, and a great reminder that just because we may share an interest, doesn’t mean it manifests itself the same way in everyone or that we’re all looking for the same endpoint.
While I’m here, let me also thank you for the pictures you’ve chosen to share with us from time to time. Absolutely beautiful.
This tracks absolutely, this site is a great community, and it works best with honest intentions 🙂
i think you are absolutely right however, location puts a damper on getting to know someone because people think they would never meet however you would be surpised as if there is a will there is a way.
You are fun! Sexy and cute as a person can be … with fire in your nipples! Wow who can complain about that!?
Way to suck up fellas, I personally think she sounds like a woman who is so full of herself that she can lecture others how to act. I couldn’t read it all ( too long winded) she posts naked photos for the world to see and expects not to be judged? What planet does she live on?….full of herself Karen and long winded bore
To seriously flirt and to seriously have fun. But most of all to seriously have a connection. I hope none of that comes off as too serious. All we can do is ascertain honestly about our level of seriousness.
Building a connection and having a friendship no matter where we are living in the world, all adds to some great flirting, setting out what we are looking for is so important. Harmless flirting with no intention to meet or build a connection or is it timewasting. We have one life, let’s live it.
Great pics and puzzles Lola. You do what Lola chooses, good for you.😃😁😎
I think the biggest part of this is actually believing people when they tell you what they want. Sometimes there’s a funny little disconnect between “I respect boundaries” in theory and remembering that those boundaries still apply when you’re interested in someone. 😂
Being on an ABF site, flirting, or posting revealing or sexy photos isn’t automatic access or permission to fast forward anything. I think sometimes enthusiasm can make people get a little ahead of themselves.
And wanting something meaningful doesn’t mean every interaction has to become something either. Honesty, compatibility, respect…and yes, having some damn fun. 😎
John,
Exactly! And that really was my point. Nobody has to be here for the same reason. Just be honest about what you want, actually believe people when they tell you what they want, and then enjoy each other wherever those two things happen to overlap. It really doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. 😊
Sarah’s BF,
Thank you! And yes, that’s really the heart of it. A shared interest doesn’t mean a shared intention, and there’s plenty of room here for all of us to enjoy it in our own way.
And as for the pictures…you’re very welcome. 😉 I assure you, I enjoy sharing them every bit as much as you enjoy seeing them. 😂
David,
Absolutely, and I think that’s where knowing what you’re looking for matters. If meeting is the goal, distance may be an obstacle worth overcoming. If it isn’t, two people can still thoroughly enjoy getting to know each other without needing to figure out whose turn it is to buy a plane ticket. 😉
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