It Eventually Happens

Hi Friends,

I was chatting with a kind person on abf heaven who has been searching for a serious partner and mentioned how exhausted they were in their search from chatting with users who aren’t serious about meeting but who message others anyway just because.. (you can fill in the blanks here..).

I feel the same exhaustion many times and in the past have stopped searching or participating because of burnout. I know many people are burned out too.

It’s the whole I have seen this before feeling.. flirting is great, pics are great, getting to know the person initially is great but the real work is finding the correct match/fit for us.

Somewhere along the lines communication stops for what ever reason, some past experience that was triggered by something the other person said, that made us wonder if this person is who we think they are or are we just filling in the gaps we don’t know about this person by what we want them to be. Or some fixed idea in our mind that hey I like this but this person is actually that ..

So whatever the reason is to initiate the draw back, we start doubting ourselves and step back and they obviously notice the change in pace, tone, frequency of messages which leads to them doubting every interaction they had so far with you and stepping back too.

In this dance of you go first, you go first, the train leaves the station with neither finding a common ground to build something further on.

We hesitate and too much time passes to come back to the same point of conversation and we let go because it’s too exhausting to think through all of the complicated reasoning of why we started talking to this person and what went wrong etc.

If you have ever felt this way and would like to share that you went through something similar, that would be helpful to everyone on here.

Thank you!
Sin