- This topic has 40 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi Friends,
I was chatting with a kind person on abf heaven who has been searching for a serious partner and mentioned how exhausted they were in their search from chatting with users who aren’t serious about meeting but who message others anyway just because.. (you can fill in the blanks here..).
I feel the same exhaustion many times and in the past have stopped searching or participating because of burnout. I know many people are burned out too.
It’s the whole I have seen this before feeling.. flirting is great, pics are great, getting to know the person initially is great but the real work is finding the correct match/fit for us.
Somewhere along the lines communication stops for what ever reason, some past experience that was triggered by something the other person said, that made us wonder if this person is who we think they are or are we just filling in the gaps we don’t know about this person by what we want them to be. Or some fixed idea in our mind that hey I like this but this person is actually that ..
So whatever the reason is to initiate the draw back, we start doubting ourselves and step back and they obviously notice the change in pace, tone, frequency of messages which leads to them doubting every interaction they had so far with you and stepping back too.
In this dance of you go first, you go first, the train leaves the station with neither finding a common ground to build something further on.
We hesitate and too much time passes to come back to the same point of conversation and we let go because it’s too exhausting to think through all of the complicated reasoning of why we started talking to this person and what went wrong etc.
If you have ever felt this way and would like to share that you went through something similar, or slightly different but are still exhausted, please do so. That would be helpful to everyone on here.
Thank you!
SinI feel similar tbh. Sorry you feel like this. It is demoralising. All you want to do is find someone to really connect with. X
Yes exactly Mark, all we want is that.. just a normal person who has imperfections as we all do but is in it for the right reasons and is serious about making it work.
It definitely is demoralizing as you wrote.. we can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
It would be nice to have all the cards on the table..but online chatting doesn’t allow us to do that unfortunately because we only see a persona of what they show us and not the whole person to know what is right and what is not the right fit.
People say they want something but it may just be you for a few hours .. then they might change their mind 🙂 🙂 🙂
I posted this on another thread. I’m at the point of giving up.
The men I have met in person are only seeking fantasy fulfillment and not an actual relationship.
I’ve hit a brick wall in my search for an ANR. I think I might have better success introducing ANR to someone that actually wants a long-term on a regular dating website.
I am so sorry MmmmTex I feel the same way.. no progress in 4 years of searching to find someone. It’s not good for one’s self confidence.
Not sure if it’s just men in general, some men or men who stay online longer are the ones finding the short term fulfillment that they are looking for.
I have made great friends and learned a lot about human nature. Now I don’t think I could trust a guy with a young girl anymore.. unfortunately. Is that bad ? Am I just being cynical or is it from lived experience ?
If people can behave like that with a mature woman then how do they behave with a 18 or a 21 year old. It boggles my mind completely. I am so worried about the college girls exposed to such disrespectful behavior.
What if some guy behaved like that to your sister, friend or a cousin how would a man react to that if someone does it to their own kith and kin? Do people ever think like that anymore?
That is very concerning! I don’t know if a real long-term ANR is possible for me. It’s very disappointing & frustrating!
You are so right! I’ve been left bruised, sore, & cut from men being too aggressive & they don’t even care.
I am so sorry this happened to you MmmmTex,
unfortunately..this happens way too often.There was one who asked about biting nipples and pulling on them..
I asked him “would he be ok if I did that to his **** “
Crude I know but I was very frustrated with the lack of empathy and respect. I wanted to make a point that nipples are sensitive and so is breast tissue.
Do we really need to tell someone in this day and age that ANR/ABF is about consent and mutual pleasure and not about just oneself?….
It’s a really sad state of our society if we have to reeducate people to treat others as they want others to treat them.
Very true! I don’t know why men think biting nipples is ok. I’m extremely sensitive & it hurts! It takes a week or more to heal from that & it’s very painful.
They should understand that as you mentioned because they wouldn’t want us to bite their sensitive area.
Honestly MmmmTex your original thought about finding a regular guy and leaving the guys in Tx on this site is a wonderful one. I support it 100%. I am considering it very seriously too atm.
There is a woman within traveling distance that I started conversation with, we exchanged pictures and determined we were both looking for the same ANR/lover dynamic. This lasted for a week, and she is now ghosting me. Perhaps she found someone else. That would be okay- life happens.
Just the other day, a woman messaged me out of the blue and began an erotic conversation with me, and even sent some unsolicited photos. The next day, I said good morning to her, and she blocked me. Eh, I think she was just an attention seeking troll so no skin off my back.
This post really hits. Here are my thoughts… Discovering the existence of this site in ’23 brought so much hope, but actually finding someone here for a genuine relationship has been extraordinarily difficult. I’ve been single-but-dating since a 2019 divorce and have since then become a veteran of the dreaded “dating apps” on which have no trouble at all matching up, chatting, meeting, and dating beyond that. By contrast, after three years on here I’ve actually met a grand total of ONE (1!) female from my state – Iowa. Meanwhile, I’ve traveled to meet women from here who live in four other states, but the logistics of all that has ultimately (and unfortunately) led to nothing serious or long-term. Which of course I get. But in all that’s five ABFHeaven meets in over three years. This has been a bitter pill for a dude who generally has no trouble landing a date via the apps and is among those who are genuinely and sincerely dying to have a real relationship. At the end of the day, though, the reality seems to be simply this: (1) this community is tiny and (2) if you don’t live in a densely populated area then you’re likely toast.
Brye, 28 days ago I reached out to someone new in my area like this:
“Hey there. I might be able to help you out. Drop a line if interested, and good luck regardless. -R”
In “reply,” I was blocked.
Hi Brye,
Sorry that happened to you. Upon looking back at your conversations do you see anything that caused these results?
With the lady who sent you pics, I usually ask “why me” this question always provides very illuminating answers to me.
For me when we loose contact with one another is that it’s a lack of communication on my end or theirs.
But no matter what it’s a learning moment for me. I can’t keep doing the same things and not getting the same results.
If I look at a situation from a fresh outlook it usually gives me a lesson I need to implement. That’s how I grow as a person. Do you see any growth from what you shared here?
@sind I hope you have success in finding a partner.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.