- This topic has 43 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 3 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
@fountaindancer a world atlas? Each bosom could be 1/2 of the world.🤔
Sexy while being educational.😉😏😋I might reuse my National Talk Like a Pirate Day Jack Sparrow costume again for Halloween!🦜🏴☠️☠️
@dominic7 🖕🏻
Oh, I got the joke, Andy. I just didn’t realize we’d lowered the bar all the way to middle-school dick humor. How embarrassing for one of us!
Gross and disappointing.
Lola-May,
After extensive research, peer review, and absolutely no scientific method whatsoever, I have reached a conclusion.
This year you should go as The Human Red Flag Collector. 😂
Costume details:
A sash that says “I can fix him.”, Twenty-seven tiny red flags attached to your outfit like military medals, A clipboard for keeping score of questionable life choices and Randomly whispering, “But he was really sweet at first…” to confused strangers.
OR…
Hear me out…
A Halloween Witch who got her powers exclusively from sarcasm and eye-rolls.
Black dress, dramatic boots, coffee cup permanently in hand and every spell sounds suspiciously like “Wow. That’s certainly a decision.”
Although, based on what I’ve learned around here, the truly accurate costume would be the Chaos in a Cute Outfit.
No explanation and no accessories, just arrive, create mild emotional confusion in three people, start five debates, collect seven admirers, disappear into the night and leave everyone wondering what just happened.
Frankly, that’s less a costume and more a documentary but that’s another story…
👻🎃💀
TRITON. 😂❤️
Twenty-seven red flags?! I prefer to think of them as interesting little character-development opportunities. 🤭
But “Chaos in a Cute Outfit” is annoyingly accurate. Show up, say something I probably should’ve kept to myself, accidentally start a debate, flirt with somebody and wander off completely unaware of the mess I’ve left behind.
That’s not a costume. That’s a Tuesday.😉
My only real objection is the seven admirers.
Don’t be ridiculous.
I’m wearing dramatic boots. Surely I can do better than seven. 😏😘
Sorry Lola @lolamayi12345
I couldn’t help myself when I clocked that everyone was looking for a Halloween costume for Paul @gardenman let me help…Every year, Halloween arrives and with it comes the same terrifying question:
“Paul, what are you dressing up as?”Now, for most people, this is a simple decision but for Paul, our resident gardening legend, it will become a full-scale existential crisis.
For weeks he will wander the garden centre aisles in deep thought and at first he will consider being a vampire but unfortunately, after several people pointing out that he already spends half his day avoiding sunlight while nurturing delicate plants, it felt a little too close to reality.
Then he will consider being a werewolf but that will swiftly be abandoned when somebody reminds him that chasing squirrels around the allotments isn’t technically acting.
Next will come the zombie idea and again it will be rejected.
Apparently looking exhausted, covered in dirt and muttering to himself while carrying gardening tools won’t be much of a costume change and so a pirate will be suggested and that will last until somebody asks why Captain Blackbeard is carrying compost and discussing the correct way to prune roses.
There will even be a brief attempt at being Batman which will sadly come to an end with the cape became tangled in a climbing rose within seven minutes and having to be rescued by three pensioners and a Labrador.
The situation will become desperate and with Halloween fast approaching, the group chat will start running out of ideas and Paul will be running out of dignity.
And then…
Like a bolt of genius or possibly a head injury, I suggest the perfect costume.
A Little Shop of Horrors man-eating plant.
The chat will fall silent, the stars will align, the gardening gods will nod approvingly and it will become destiny that finally, Paul can combine his two greatest loves, plants and terrifying innocent bystanders.
When Halloween night arrives, out will waddle Paul, encased in what can only be described as an enormous murderous cabbage with huge snapping jaws, leaves everywhere and tentacles flapping in the breeze.
He will look less like a fearsome predator and more like a Venus flytrap that had accidentally gained access to biscuits, the children will scream, adults will laugh, dogs will bark at him and I guarantee that at least one confused pensioner will attempt to water him.
I can imagine that things will escalate as soon as Paul fully embraces the role and his every conversation will become “Feed meeeee…”, every snack table will become “Feed meeeee…” and not to mention that every unsuspecting passer-by will be begged to “Feed meeeee…”.
By 9pm half the room will be actively avoiding eye contact in case they became fertiliser, by 10pm somebody will throw him a sausage roll just to keep him quiet and by 11pm he will have somehow accumulated three packets of crisps, two pork pies and a pint through purely plant-based intimidation.
The costume will be declared a massive success and I’m sure there will still be rumours long after Halloween that a giant man-eating plant can occasionally be spotted lurking near the begonias, just waiting, watching, judging people’s weeding technique and whispering ominously that the hydrangea needs deadheading.
Although Paul will insist that he took the costume off that night, the evidence will always remain inconclusive.
🌱👹🌱
Because let’s be honest, if anyone was destined to become a giant carnivorous plant, it was always going to be Paul. 😆
@milkylunch 🤓 AND…
@gardenman 🌺🌸🌺TRITON.😎🤓
You really sat down and wrote an entire unauthorized biography of Paul’s fictional Halloween costume.
And annoyingly, after ALL of that…I agree with you!
Paul absolutely should be Audrey II. The gardening connection is perfect, the costume would be ridiculous, and “FEED MEEEE” feels entirely too natural for a man on an ABF website. 🤭
Although now I desperately need to see a confused pensioner try to water him.
Paul, I believe your costume has been chosen. 🌱👹❤️
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.