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People: I got a couple of questions. Feedback is welcome.
Who is in charge of your personal stories when it comes to abf/ anr? Who gets to decide who its shared with?
You yourself? Ok. You should be, I guess.Couple of scenario’s:
A. You share with an individual and he/she doenst keep it to himself/herself but shares it in a group w8thout asking. What to do? And what if its not incidental but structural?
B. You share a personal story in a small group. What if soemeone shares it in another group? What if it isnr 8ncidental but structural? And what is you all agreed on whats 8n here stays in here and it simply doesnt? Or it gets put in the chatroom?Of course: not sharing is an option. The only one if you want to be sure you get to decide who knows what about you. But what about community? Not sharing anything means no community. So, isnt there a responsibility to be careful with what we tell about someone else? How about consent? Or at least make sure everybody understands the conversation is not confidential?
And also: do we give support when we see it happen to someone else?
I’m of the notion of what is said in private stays between those two people. Same within a small group.
Perhaps a ban of some sort may be feasible.Hi, thank you for your reply @grogman! I agree, it should go without saying personal things stay where they are, unless there is consent to share with others.
I am not a fan of banning people though, unless they misbehaved badly. Banning is not a first step, i hope.I believe intimate, personal conversations should remain that. Personal and private. Anyone who publishes or reprints those conversations/feelings publicly lacks trust and common sense.
Personally I would never share anything private with other individuals or groups.
If you don’t want people to share (or steal) something… don’t put it on the internet.
If you put something on the internet… don’t get upset when people share (or steal) it.
It’s that simple, in all scenarios, and in all cases. Unless you have a copyright on the content, you are giving it away for free when you put it on the internet.
Welcome to the Internet, Rumina! Watch out for the 8 key (it’s very near the i key, on your keyboard).
Stay safe!
For once, I actually agree with Mr. Positive, despite his antagonistic tone and the seemingly ever-present need to throw in an insult or two.
I don’t generally put things on the internet or share them with a random internet stranger if I don’t want to risk it being “put out there.”
That said, I’m also a believer that what is said in private should stay in private, and if I’m sharing personal things with someone on this site, it’s because I feel that we’ve taken enough time to get to know each other and build a level of trust.
That doesn’t mean the trust has never been violated though, unfortunately. It IS the internet after all lol.
I think there’s a difference between knowing anything online could be shared and believing that gives someone permission to share it. If something is shared privately, or in a small group where there’s an understanding that it stays there, I think that should be respected.
I’m pretty careful myself with who I trust and what I share. Obviously nothing online is ever 100% safe, but accepting that risk isn’t the same as consenting to having your personal stuff passed around.
And yes, I think people should speak up or support someone when they see that trust being violated.
Your personal story is exactly that, personal.
You decide who hears it and under what conditions. That’s the baseline for trust within any respectful community.When someone takes a story shared in confidence, whether privately or in a small group and repeats it elsewhere without permission, that’s not a minor slip. It’s a breach of trust and if it becomes a pattern then it becomes a community problem.
Within either scenario, whether in a private or community sharing space, if you tell one person something and they pass it on without asking then it becomes a breach of confidentiality, even if they claim “they didn’t think it was a big deal.” and if a pattern emerges where the same person shares other information discussed with them in confidence then it becomes a behavioural issue and not an accident.
Possible admin actions could include:
Formal warning, Removal from private messaging, Temporary mute in public spaces, temporary bans (3 or 5 days perhaps) and eventually leading to a full removal from the community if the behaviour continues.Trust is not optional or given, it’s earned between people and if someone repeatedly breaks it then they will lose all or any trust they’ve gained with people.
A community cannot function if members treat private disclosures as public content.
The balance of Sharing vs protecting yourself of course means that deciding not sharing anything is the only guaranteed way for someone to stay in control, however, a community without any sharing isn’t a community at all and risks becoming just a list of usernames.
That means everyone has a responsibility to..
Ask or clarify that something can be shared before repeating it to others.
To treat personal stories as personal property.
To be clear when a space is not confidential.
To respect boundaries even when they aren’t explicitly stated every time.Consent or Confidentiality isn’t optional, it’s a given to people of trust and when either is ignored then admins can step in and Michael is extremely professional and swift where proof is provided that someone has acted inappropriately on the site.
PLEASE NOTE: If any of the content in this post or topic has made you think “Hang on, this has happened to me” then please approach Michael and discuss it with him as no-one should feel their trust has been abused by others within this community.
In the meantime, please stay safe and respect each other.
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