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For those who have a religious affiliation, how do you approach ANR? How do you keep your covenants/vows/commitments religiously while seeking an ANR lifestyle and partner?
Do you struggle and if yes, how do you manage your desires and struggles?I was recently asked and I found it such a wonderful question, I thought I would open it to everyone. Without open communication, we do not grow. Further, communication opens us all to support. My God did not hide from hard topics, why should I?
In responses, please know we respect each other and listen. We do not have to agree.
Well thats excellent question. To me personally, its just between me and God, and i dont push my belives to others. Same would go if i ever will find a partner. Her religion, belives are hers. She can worship if she wants. I dont think any religion would or should condem ANR, people who preach may condem it, but that is just their bigotry.
That takes everything away, besides ANR is best and pure way to be close to other, to be kind, respect and cherish life.
We do have to be nice, respect an honor others religious what ever they are same as we do for life.My religion (TST) does not see indulgence in this way to be a problem if both people consent to it 🙂
That’s a good question @hinh
I’m not religious per se but I don’t ‘throw the baby out with the bath water’. Though I absolutely defend anyone’s right to their own beliefs.
For me, I believe in an ultimate reality as being non-dual and from that standpoint it is amoral, not immoral but beyond morals.
However, earthly experience calls for dualism, necessarily, life could not exist without opposites. I like to look at ‘life’ in all it’s glory, through the lens of Hermeticism which is not religious. There is simply action and consequence, not good or bad.But…I do still find myself occasionally drawn into the dualistic way of thinking because of my early and societal programming. With right/wrongs come the feeling of forgiveness; which is one of the best feelings on earth, true love. Being utterly betrayed and used and destroyed and then, eventually, forgiving is a sublime feeling. But it’s just an ego trap.
I guess for guidance on how to live, I go by the golden rule, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you.’ xx
Where do you feel your ANR search is leading you away from your path? Does it make you feel that way? However you feel about vanilla online dating should be about the same.
If scripture changes things for you, Proverbs 5:19 poetically suggests:
“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”
Hey Nici! Just re-checked the ten commandments. There is no “Thou shall not sucketh on boobies” prohibition. 🤭 (sorry everyone- had to go there) ANR/ABF provides a very special opportunity to connect directly with the divine feminine and as such becomes part of the observance not a separate activity. Nursing becomes an offering, nourishing both body and soul.
Hopefully when life is all said and done I can ask her opinion about abf/anr.😉☺️
I think both the question(s) and answer(s) are nuanced and contextual. And too many assumptions …
This seems like it falls easily into the Wicked Learning Environment (WLE).
For each partner:
If religious (or not) and married (or not), what are the guidelines/tenets and what are followed?Overlay the answers to the above for first partner against the answers for the second partner. (Think “logic gates”!)
BUT we are talking humans (more complicated and uniquely different) here not signals in logic gate situation!
(The ONLY simple answer is: if you feel guilty and/or think you are doing something wrong, it probably is UNLESS both partners agree to the exception!)
Second attempt to post…
I posted my initial response to Nici’s PM, but she asked me to post it to the open forum. So here is my edited respinse:
To answer your question, read my profile. Develop a relationship that leads to a covenantal commitment with God as the focus, first. Then explore the physical. A relationship based on the physical is a pathway to divorce.
If you focus on the physical, what happens if, say and accident or illness occurs and it renders your mate incapable of providing that aspect of the relationship ever again? Your relationship will wither and die.
True love is not an emotion that ebs and flows. That is infatuation, lust, or just hedonism. True love is a commitment to another person’s ultimate best no matter what. Even if that person can never provide anything in return.
That is what my late wife and I shared. When we got married, we set it in our hearts that divorce would never be an option because God was to be glorified first. Yes we faced the storms of life. Yet, the covenant was not broken, because we pledged our vows to God first, then to each other.
More importantly, a relationship based on the physical is a violation of God’s law. If God brings me another lady, I want His blessing upon the relationship. If we engage in open sin before Him, He will not bless it.
Yes, I have failed in this endeavor. For I am a sinner saved by grace. However, by grace, I repented of that and have moved forward.
I will strive to seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness before my own desires. Because then, He will bless me beyond my wildest dreams!
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree that human relationships are nuanced and that individual beliefs, values, and agreements between partners matter greatly.
That said, I believe my question may be somewhat different from the one you addressed. I was not asking whether ANR is objectively right or wrong, nor was I asking how non-religious individuals determine their ethical boundaries.
Rather, I was specifically interested in hearing from those who already operate within a religious framework and who have made covenants, vows, or commitments that influence how they approach intimate relationships.
For many religious individuals, the question is not simply whether both partners consent or agree. The additional consideration is how one reconciles personal desires, relationship dynamics, and spiritual obligations. In other words, how does one navigate ANR while remaining consistent with one’s understanding of faith, doctrine, conscience, and covenant?
I find those conversations particularly valuable because they explore the intersection of spirituality, intimacy, personal agency, and self-discipline. Whether people ultimately conclude that ANR is compatible with their beliefs or not, understanding the process by which they arrive at that conclusion is what interests me.
I appreciate your perspective and your reminder that these matters are often highly contextual. My hope is simply to hear from those who have wrestled specifically with the religious dimension of the question.
@thirstyviking thank you for your response to my question!
@ltranr
Thank you for your thoughtful response and for sharing the scripture reference.
I agree that Proverbs 5:19 speaks beautifully to the affection, devotion, and physical intimacy that can exist within a loving relationship. In many ways, it highlights that faith traditions do not necessarily reject physical affection, but rather seek to place it within a framework of commitment, responsibility, and covenant.
I think where my question differs slightly is that I am less concerned with whether ANR itself leads someone away from their path and more interested in how religious individuals discern that answer for themselves. Two people may read the same scripture, share the same faith, and arrive at different conclusions regarding what is appropriate within their spiritual commitments.
For me, the most interesting part of the discussion is not whether ANR is inherently compatible or incompatible with faith, but how believers navigate the process of prayer, study, conscience, communication with a partner, and personal accountability when considering it.
You raise an interesting comparison with traditional dating. In some respects, I agree that many of the same questions apply. Yet for those who hold religious convictions, the challenge often lies in determining where a particular practice fits within their understanding of intimacy, stewardship of the body, marital commitments, and their relationship with God.
That process of discernment is what I hoped to learn more about from others’ experiences.
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