- This topic has 10 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 3 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I think a great profile update would be for every profile to have
1) I want to meet people
2) I am exploring
3) I am here just to chat onlineThis would save everybody so much time and ensure better conversations happen to filter out the people who have no intention on meeting. So how to identify someone who is never going to meet in 6 questions…
1) What kind of ANR dynamic do you want?
2) When can you meet physically in person?
3) Are you available to meet during your free time for a coffee?
4) Can you host? Do you want me to host? Or book a hotel for the first time?
5) What type of person do you want to meet?
6) If you’re talking for a few weeks then the question needs to be why are you available to meet online but not offline?If the answers are the following
1) I don’t know. I would like someone to suckle comforting.
2) I don’t know – I’m really busy. I would like to talk and get to know you online first for a while
3) I need to check – I’ve got a full schedule. I run my own business, I’ve got kids to look after, my job life takes lots of my time. Never comes back with a time/day.
4) I would prefer hotel but don’t know when we can meet. I’m quite busy.
5) I would like to meet someone nice.
6) ermm I just pop in and out when I’m free and answer your messages. I like talking to you and want to get to know you more.FINAL QUESTION: If you don’t know what you want, don’t know when you’re free, and don’t know when you can meet, what exactly are you here for?
If they can’t answer all six they haven’t thought about it or can’t imagine it. Its a major red flag. Just because they are online doesn’t mean they are available and its actually going to happen.
For those that are here for chats who declare it you are the good ones. Thank you for being honest.
They usually include it in their bios, what they want 🤔
I see what you mean though it’s an interesting point.
It would create a shift in tone for the site.Turning it into a souless match dating instead of a community where people are ment to actually get to know eachother.
Its ABF heaven not ABF Match, besides most people are still pretty shy about this that not enough people have profile pictures for it anyways, what if they match with someone who isn’t who they say they are.
Also the point of online is to be available when you are available to who you want to be available to. So yeah it’s work to find somebody who wants to talk to you.
I have a hard time meeting people too so I can see your concern.
This is a great idea 💡 I’ll implement it. Thanks for the suggestion
Its allwaus hood to be as clear as you can on your profile.
One of you possibilities qas: i am exploring. That can be a good reason to be here. You dont have all ghe answers. It does t mean you are a timewaster.
It can be you want yo meet people but just nort yhe person who messages yoi. It doesnt mean you are a timewaster.
It would also be a good idea for people to be upfront about beibg married or being in a relationship. Dont ‘ forget’ to tell if you are.Its important because it says something about ability to meet abd often about willigness to put effirt in. And be clear about your goal: long term or just a hook up?
There are different reasons for people to be on here. Please be respectful.
People can be online and not otherwise free to drive an hour or find an appropriate place to meet a stranger (yet).
And arranging to meet for coffee with someone who loves a few miles away is much different than someone who lives on another coast or another country. I say this because I have met ppl near by me and driven as far as 1.5 hours. The greater the distance and the the constraints on that persons life at that moment make the whole meeting more consequential and my hesitation may come across as “time wasting”.
Other things that cause hesitation are lack of pictures and lack of providing clarity about who you are when you you are the suckler.
Women get a lot of messages. It gets very murky, if the person has no picture AND doesn’t distinguish themselves and just asks the same questions about your boobs or Your job or what are your interests, especially when some of these things are already on a profile they didn’t read. It’s tiring.
So as a woman I’m not going to put the times I’m available. When I’m looking, I’m very serious, but that doesn’t mean I have open slots to meet everyone, but this kind of impression and attitude is kind of exactly what makes my want to rethink my approach to ABF.
Excuse my typing. I’m typing in a browser on my phone. Hopefully, what I said still makes sense.
I think a lot of people come here for attention, or validation, is OK of course but if someone wants something deeper is very frustrating to just be treated like that, and have one or two good conversations which lead to nowhere and to nothing. Some people like consistency because they do not mean to establish any because they just want casual encounters and see what are their chances to get one.
Interesting topic but labeling people one way or another isn’t very appealing to begin with.
One question .. you are non local but contact a woman .. what is the best way for the woman to deal with that person ..? Are they a time waster or are they willing to make changes for the right person ..not always black and white.. is it?
There are always nice people in our community and when it’s proved otherwise just move on.. that’s life.. matching ones location, energy, physical compatibility, values and life’s experiences are important when it comes to finding a partner.Developing a relationship with someone needs patience and effort and no matter what the outcome is you always learn something about yourself and others in life’s journey.
I love this and will incorporate it into my profile and communication. I am blessed to be location independent in my work. I get on planes the way some people go to the food store. Yes, why are you one here is a great discerning question.
I’d add a fourth category…people who clearly tell you what they’re here for, put it right there in their profile and still get treated like their answer is merely the opening bid!
I’m very clear that I’m here to chat, flirt and have fun online. Yet there are always people convinced they’ll somehow be the exception and talk me into wanting something different.
So yes, clarity is great. But actually believing people when they tell you what they want would save a hell of a lot of time too!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.