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Whoa whoa whoa. Chill. 😒 You took that way out of context. “Beating yourselves up” as in yall are thinking way too deeply about who is on women’s friend lists and why they’re there and correlating the presence of them on our list to being men that we’re actually talking to. 😑 So, your “Incorrect” was in fact, INCORRECT and unwarranted. I did not require correcting. YOU misinterpreted what I said.
Maybe men should beat themselves up over women. Specifically, the way they speak to women.
Looking at people’s friend list to gain insight about why someone isn’t replying is a bit much. Who cares whose friends with who? Just because we can see the friend list, doesn’t make it anyones business to question why they are friends.
Being a “friend” doesn’t meant they are actually talking or planning to meet.Everyone has preferences, this site has shown there is no one size fits all or algorithm to locating a partner.
Jessica, your answer is absolutely perfect. Take notes y’all.
I especially liked the part about how EVEN IF YOU’RE HOT AS FUCK, you still need to be engaging and interesting. That’s way way way more important by far. I don’t just date the most attractive guy I can get, I get with the one I actually like as a person. Of course I do have preferences on physical appearance, but there’s a lot more wiggle room than there is with personality.
Men always doubt this and I don’t get it. We’re not all lying about our preferences. We gain nothing from that.
Another thing is if we don’t really know what kind of person you are, why would we meet with you? Women are vulnerable. In general we are smaller and weaker. And some men are terrifying. We don’t know until…we know. And we don’t want to find out by getting assaulted or kidnapped. Sucks to hear but it’s true.
And to Marcus, no most men here or on any dating site do not take the time to write that much and get ignored. You’re not the one DMing men, we are. Maybe you write paragraphs but most just say “hey” or “nice tits! wanna meet?”. I’ve gotten hundreds of messages like that. It’s almost shocking when I get a well thought out message. Though I’ve noticed it’s a little better here than other sites.
I agree Chissai,, I used to write a paragraph to introduce myself. just to be told not interested. so a hey or hi is an introduction .. that doesn’t require an in-depth conversation. Imagined if a guy spent 2 minutes writing a powerful introduction introducing himself to lets say 30 woman he found interesting on this site. If they all said they weren’t interested had partners or were too far, then basically he would have invested 60 minutes in his time for little in return.
THANK YOU, Chiisai! And thank you for bringing attention to how he said that sorry line about writing a message and being ignored. 🤦🏾♀️ I didn’t even fully catch that until later when I reread the whole thread and I was like well, whatever- I’ve written enough already haha.
Marcus…
No. What I wrote here and your 2 minute “paragraph” intros are not the same at all! I’m lowkey offended that you think they’re of the same caliber.
Not even an exaggeration, I spent close to, if not more than, TWO HOURS EACH for my first response and for this one, writing and editing them to EDUCATE and give yall insight on what we experience on the other side of your sorry “hey” message. Your little 3-5 sentence intro being ignored would never be the same.
This pity party or whatever you’re throwing (and I know you’re gonna zero-in on and have something to say about me saying you’re throwing a pity party 😒) about “60 minutes of your time” is so laughable. IT’S LIKE YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING WE SAID! 🙄 Men send pitiful messages that get ignored, women spend time writing detailed profiles that get ignored. While those still are not on the same level- everybody’s out here getting ignored and having their time wasted. But…
❗❗❗LOW EFFORT MESSAGES AND LOW EFFORT PROFILES WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER HAVE A MORE DIFFICULT TIME.❗❗❗
You know that saying, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Obviously, you’re doing something wrong so instead of trying to justify why you’re doing what you’re doing and continuing to do it lmao listen to us and learn! Try a different approach and keep modifying. Do better. And maybe you’ll yield the results you want.
There is no “100% absolutely will work” tricks to finding a partner. Some of it comes down to plain old luck. Some of you will do “everything right” and still wont be successful and that’s wildly frustrating. BUT the majority of you aren’t doing “everything right” and won’t look inward. Yall seem to think all your issues are because of women when a lot of them can be remedied by fixing your own behavior.
How you (and men who feel the same) are just blatantly and wilfully ignoring the insight of the women you’re pursuing is crazy to me. We’re sitting here telling you loud and clear what can help you and your response is “well, I did write a 2 minute intro “paragraph” a few times and putting in effort is just not worth it. They all still ignore me so I’m just gonna take the lazy route and say “hey” and hope that I find a quality woman that way!” And then if/when we, for whatever ever reason, reply giving dry, low effort, one word answers, you’ll be upset. Were just matching your lazy energy. 😒
You’re basically saying that your time is more valuable than ours. You simply can no longer be bothered with putting in any effort anymore but expecting positive results. Well, if you haven’t realized by now, I will tell you that that is unequivocally the wrong answer and the wrong mindset and you’re going to continue having a very difficult, frustrating time that way.
First of all, most of the time, yalls intro paragraph is copy/pasted. So that’s not impressive at all. And the other times, there’s poor grammar and punctuation (we recognize not everyone’s first language is English). Or in yalls intro you say something that’s a turn-off. ((Again, the compliments a lot of you think are compliments, really are NOT.)) Or you live too far. Or maybe that hideous Uncle Rukus profile picture is part of your downfall. (I personally know who that is but it’s not the greatest choice of photo.) Or even more importantly, it’s clear that you blind-messaged us without reading our profile!!!!
❗❗❗READ OUR PROFILE FIRST BEFORE SENDING A MESSAGE❗❗❗
Man, that is probably the absolute biggest red flag 🚩 and a surefire way to get ignored/rejected most of the time.
When yall send a message before reading our profile and/or don’t reference anything in your message that has to do with something specific in our profile, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. It screams loud and clear to us that you don’t actually care about us and what we have to say. You have your goal of getting tits in your mouth and taking the time to read our profile to learn a little bit about us first is beneath you. 🚩
There’s an array of things that could be working against you. Identify which ones are able to be fixed -profile bio, messages, types of compliments you give women, grammar/spelling- and things that can’t easily be fixed like location and physical looks… leave up to the universe.
At the end of the day, 💥 either you get it or you don’t. 💥 Some men will be able to think critically about what I/we have written and apply it to work to improve their profiles and how they speak to and interact with women. Most will get defensive, offended, not actually read all this or whatever else and keep doing what they’re doing.
If ANR/ABF is truly something yall love and actually want, you shouldn’t have an issue with trying harder and maintaing that effort. Anything worth having requires effort. So take my/our advice or not. 🤷🏾♀️
I’ve explained as much as I can and sacrificed hourssss of my life and flared up my carpal tunnel syndrome trying to give yall detailed information/advice/insight that will likely have been in vain and fall on deaf ears, but I actually care about the success of yall finding a partner. Well, the good men here. Not the creepy, gross, disrespectful, entitled ones. It’s a thankless job, but this is my way to help and contribute. Hopefully it gets through to at least one person.
✌🏾
Oh Jessica you are my new favourite person. Love your posts. And my thoughts exactly
🥲🥲 thank you so much for saying that! I know I don’t speak for *all* women, but I know for the majority, this is our shared experience in the internet dating world. And I got time and energy to write on our behalf lol
It’s sad that the ones that actually need to read this, won’t. 🤦🏾♀️ But I knew that going in lol. I must be some weird form of a masochist haha
Two minutes time is well spent whether or not it piques her interest. Sending said message to thirty women at a time. What is that, the shotgun method?
Personally I find perusing someone’s friend list kind of creepy.EXACTLY, Grogman!! 👏🏾 The perusing and analyzing the friends lists is weird/creepy. But also, I can understand why they’re doing it. They’re looking for any explanation as to why they’re unsuccessful. Their own actions and behaviors couldn’t possibly be it.
Also, thank you for appreciating my latest installment of JessicaxTalk 😆
I didn’t bother reading everything but I will say one thing. Nobody unless the rare few will invest in someone that’s more then an hour away.
What if someone says they want to get to know you and they actually want too, not sexting. I personally always do say I want to get to know the other person cause I truly do.
Reason my profile isn’t written all about me is truthfully because I’ll just talk about you and myself when we get to know each other. Yeah it can be an old conversation starter but so is searching for a partner so we are all bound to repeat some conversations with people time and time again.
Also to women complaining about how guys can be shitty I truthfully am sorry. I will also be truthful and say this in a respectful way. I know it’s an ANR site but if you are truly treating this as a dating site you should not have your boobs as your profile picture.
Yes it can get some wanted attention but can usually get more unwanted attention. If guys see tits they will be fixated on tits lol. That doesn’t give an excuse to not be treated with respect of course. Just guys can get excited from them. Especially lactating ones.
Point being you may possibly be better off without it. This is NOT me bashing or ordering women to change there pictures. I’m just giving incite from a guys perspective.
Kinda tired of some woman bashing men and some harassing woman. The men who harass are either A. Horny because of your picture or B. They are just clueless human beings in general.
If I get shit for this I’m sorry it’s the truth. I’m being unbiased and also admit I had some faults in the past. Nobody is perfect but ultimately my point is maybe consider why the other person is doing what they are doing. I wish everyone the best and hope we all find our ANR partners. I’m going back to sleep cause I’m sleepy. This snow storm is annoying lol.
You lost me at “I didn’t bother reading everything” lmfaoooooo. You’re the EXACT type of man we try to run far from because you simply cannot be bothered with LISTENING AND THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!
For the sake of self preservation, I know not to read, in entirety, the rest of your garbage response but if you did read it, most if not all of your points have been thoroughly addressed. From scanning, I did however catch the “don’t have your tits out if you don’t want gross men to say disrespectful, gross things to you.”
I don’t care if my/our whole entire vagina is out. I/we are not here for the male gaze and male satisfaction. That’s a wildly complex concept for you all to grasp though- obviously. It just. does. not. compute. 🤖
If you can’t think with the brain on your head and not the wittle guy in your pants, then just say that. It’s like yall see breasts or the naked female body and lose all concept of respect, decency, and couth. It’s clearly really a difficult concept for both your heads to comprehend though. What are you, 13 years old? Lmao.
There is a time and a place for sexual comments. And I assure you, it’s not in your first few correspondence with a woman. 🙄
You are clueless and embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. And I feel bad that you (and too many other men) are unable to comprehend anything I/we have said.
But hey. MEN KNOW WHAT’S BEST AND HAVE ZERO TO LEARN OR FIX ABOUT THEMSELVES! I’m sure you’re a star at finding partners and having fulfilling, engaging conversations with women. God bless whoever has a major lapse in judgement and gives you the time of day.
Let me get this right. If a woman wears a top that shows some cleavage or bares her breasts in her profile picture it’s her fault that guys act like DHs in messages?
The “she made me do it” syndrome. This is very insightful.Strong incel vibes in this thread
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