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Just curious.. how women decide which guys to talk to and which to ignore. Early on Many women stated it was location. However I personally found conversation with women who were in the UK and Canada and even California opposed to women who reside in cities I work in. I thought it was close proximity but when I view a woman’s profile i am intrigued by how many have friends that don’t even live in the same time regions as themselves.
Does a person looks matter or does the location still sway many women into deciding what guys they give their time to?
Could be any number of reasons besides location and looks.
How a profile is written, how one comports themselves in chat, location, looks, each of these and many others affect whether or not someone wants to text or offer friendship.To me is the intelligence, and character, there has to be some physical attraction but there has to be more an intellectual connection,
Interesting but many pass judgement before they even talk to the person on here. Surely you can’t judge character and intelligence on the basis of someone’s profile. For men it’s the same thing, we can’t judge intention based on breast pictures some women are looking for relationships others are looking for something more casual you wont know unless you communicate with the person in my opinion.
“Surely you can’t judge character and intelligence on the basis of someone’s profile.” That’s where I start obtaining general information, in addition to their photo, and if something clicks, then I message or if something tells me this person isn’t a good match, then I don’t pursue. That’s the starter point for us all on here isn’t it?
I have noticed that quandary as well – women don’t want to talk to you if you live too far away to meet, but have a whole list of “friends” that are all over the world. Difficult to know whether to reach out or just stay quiet, and not annoy people.
I agree Rick Rock more importantly, they may not want to talk to you but they talk to someone who lives even further away from you. example. If i live in NJ.. and a woman lives in PA, she has a friend on her page that lives in washington state, but then puts local only. so it is very confusing to say the least.
Ooo yes! My time to shine!!
Disclaimer: Men, please save your “NoT aLl MeN” mansplaining. If the shoe doesn’t fit then don’t worry about it!
Listen and LEARN.
This is LONG but there’s valuable information and insight here from my experiences and the collective experiences of most women who interact with men, especially on dating sites or sites like this.
For me, when I first joined, I had a detailed, happy, welcoming profile and I gave everyone the time of day. If you messaged me, I made sure I responded in some way. Almost everyone received some sort of communication/ conversation from me no matter where they were located or how they looked. I’ve had some really amazing conversations with people from all over.
But that got old REAL quick.
Men don’t realize the mental/emotional bandwidth it takes to talk (and remain interesting and engaging) to everyone that slides in our DMs. It’s very exhausting. So we have to vet people and decide who gets our time and energy.
It’s much more complex than *just* location and looks. Some things that make a difference of whether we talk to you or not are…
Yes, Location, but…
When you are not close (whatever she deems as an acceptable distance), that is PenPal territory. Men almost always “just wanna get to know us” or “can’t we just chat?!” That’s a huge red flag that translates to “I want you to spend your time and energy talking to a man that you will likely never meet in person, so please engage in my sexual fantasies by sexting with me and send me nudes to help get me off! I’ll tell you how pretty you are and all the things I want to do to your body. It’ll be fun!” Us sexting with you and you getting off is NOT the compliment you think it is. Yes, sometimes it’s fun for us but men get waaay more enjoyment out of it.
Very few of you will actually admit that all of that is the truth, but deep down you know. Most of us see right through it anyway and if we don’t in the beginning, we figure it out pretty quickly.
A caveat to that, for me, is at this point I’m looking for a consistent partner. If you’re further than an hour away- it’s not gonna work. However, if you travel to my area regularly and make that known in your first message, I’m much more likely to be willing to converse.
But if you’re just passing through on business for a few days or something irregular, a hookup is what you’re looking for and on top of that you want us to drop everything, spend our time, money, and gas to drive TO YOU and you never once offer to cover any of it? That’s not appealing at all. The feelings of entitlement to our time and body that a lot of you have is disgusting and so unbecoming. At the end of the day, it’s easier for us to find a partner than it is for men. Our personal standards are what make it difficult. Because trust and believe we could find a partner much easier if we didn’t care who had access to us.
Communication!!
Talk to us like we’re humans and not just a pair of tits here to satisfy your sexual desires. Yes, we are all here on a fetish specific site. That does not mean it is ok for you to start a conversation with “MMMMM! I want those big milky tits in my mouth!!!!” Or “How big are your breasts?” Those messages that you think are innocent or compliments are actually disrespectful. Would you speak to a stranger like that on the street? No. And if you would, you have bigger issues.
Trust me!!! You will get MUCH further using the head on your shoulders instead of using the little one in your pants.
Introduce yourself, compliment us IN A RESPECTFUL, NON-GROSS WAY, and include things in your initial message that lets us know you **actually read our profile**!!!!! We spent time writing it– READ IT BEFORE YOU MESSAGE!!! I assure you that I will respond to someone who puts in effort well before the one who sends “Hey” or “Nice tits” or “You should come see me in XYZ.” -_-
LOW EFFORT MESSAGES AND PROFILES ARE HURTING YALL!
If you’re gonna copy/paste a message, at least proofread it and tailor it to the woman you’re messaging. We can tell it’s copy/pasted. We’re not as dumb as you think we are.
Lazy profiles- “I’m xx years old. Single male. I love big boobs. I don’t like writing about myself. If you wanna know more just ask.” NEEEEXXXXTTTT! This is so lazy and low effort and such a turn off! Give us something to work with when you write your profile.
I wouldn’t think too much about who women have on their friends list and where those people live. Some of us accept everyone because that makes yall feel better or special or something. Others are more selective. I would not ever equate being on a friend’s list or not with who or why we may be talking to someone or not.
Lastly, looks. It’s no secret that conventionally attractive people will have a better chance. For some, looks don’t matter. For most, they matter. Especially if they’re looking for a long-term/life partner. Maybe not #1 on this list of qualifications, but it’s definitely on the list. But I think it’s safe to say for most women when talking to men, that if your looks lack, you need to try much harder. If you’re “hot,” don’t get comfortable- you still need to try much harder too.
This is a writing from a woman on fetlife (that I can happily link) that is perfect for this thread. Here’s a chunk of it edited a little to fit abfh:
“Women are not that complicated. We have jobs. We have pets to take care of and friends to see. We have approximately six hours left to spare from our work weeks, so we don’t waste them on asking questions of internet strangers who haven’t given us any hint of who they are. It’s less about the fact that you’ve brought us an empty profile, and more about the fact that you’re too unmotivated to fill it out.
That empty black page tells me a hundred things about your character. Those things might be true, and they might not, but until you indicate otherwise, this is what your blank profile description says:
“I’m a chancer who’s unwilling to put any effort whatsoever into the people I want to play with. I feel so strongly about bringing nothing to the table that I’ve sat with an empty profile for four years and not once felt moved to fill it out. Just bring your breasts along on our date (or send nudes of them), and I’ll be happy. Anyway, I sent you a “hiiii” which is all you need to clear away a couple of hours out of your schedule to talk to/ meet me. By the way, the complete lack of fucks I’ve demonstrated here leaks into all areas of my life. I dropped out of school due to perpetual disinterest, and now I mostly just hang out in my gaming chair all day.”
I’ve confronted a couple of empty profiles in my time, and they’ve all told me they’ll answer any questions I have, so no problemo. The trouble is that you’re the ones asking for my attention, not the other way around. I’m not going to write back unless you motivate me to, even if that entails asking you who you are and what you love. I have other things to do, so I just don’t have the time to drag information out of faceless/profileless digital entities.
ABFheaven is a highly competitive space for heterosexual men. Women receive enough unsolicited messages to fill a set of encyclopedias. You have to bring an actual personality to her inbox. As a gender, we’re really into hooking up with people who take the time to connect with us, but maybe it’s more important that you sit in your gaming chair and expect women to throw themselves at you.”
Tl;dr- If you’re not a creep, overtly sexual too soon in the conversation, actually read our profile, take time to write something worth a crap on your profile, and compliment and speak to us respectfully, you might not be met with rejection as much.
Implementing this feedback into how you interact with women may not help your specific situation, but I promise it won’t hurt you (well, maybe your ego a little bit).
Thanks for coming to my JessicaxTalk!
This should be a required reading for all new people joining abfheaven.I am still reading.. but taking notes. But just imagine if you took time to write all that. And I just ignored it.lol..thats what happens to most of us guys on here.
Thanks Jessica, I will try to be more understanding. I try to behave a certain way on here. It is not always appreciated. And I don’t always remember how creepy people can be on an anonymous website like this one. Sorry if I ever offended you, or anyone else.
Honestly I couldn’t give a dam if you were on the moon 🤷
We get that many messages that to be frank are unappealing and basically rude, would you walk up to someone and say Hi I want to suckle ! No you really wouldn’t.
To be fair if you did you would be met with stony stair and told to jog on.
What’s wrong with introducing yourself ?
Being polite and smart will get you alot further.
Myself after a few months I’ve stopped replying as there just is no point it’s the same boring 2 liners thinking they are the first to send the not so witty message.
So get creative,be polite and friendly and don’t expect pictures or vids we are not a free porn service.
I am lucky to have found my little helper and who knows where it’s going to take me, don’t give up stay respectful and enjoy the experience. Good Luck xWe all have the right to filter things we do not want. If a man makes an effort to write why he has written to us, that will make a greater impact. Being rude or too familiar, is not appealing and it shows the lack of intelligence if we expressly wrote we did not want that. To me an intelligent conversation does more than looks, picking up a very sexual nickname signals to me that is the only interest. We have the right to the thing we know that will work for us.
What’s wrong with wanting local only but having “friends” from everywhere? Since when does having someone on your friends list mean you have them on your emergency contact list? That’s such concrete thinking. You’re putting way too much meaning on friends lists.
Yeah. I was kinda taken aback reading that too. It’s interesting that some men are beating themselves up over who’s on women’s friend lists.
Incorrect. No men are beating themselves up over women. Men have plenty of outlets aside from this site since there are more men than women, women recieve more messages than they send usually
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