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When a woman says that she is not interested in your living situation. That does not give you the pass to degrade her because you feel fit. You start off very rude by mentioning about a picture that you never even asked for. Then you go onto degrade somebody about their financial status. Is this really the quality that we’re having to deal with nowadays I can’t imagine getting so offended because I felt so entitled. To deliberately degrade somebody because you felt that you were better than them. I’m sorry, honey, but you don’t look better. And you are not better off. And just remember when you say that somebody deserves that kind of karma you just reaped it on yourself.
Wow Ms Stephanie. You consistently get these characters crossing your path. But be like a duck: just let the stupidity roll off your feathers, don’t let it get to you, inside. You’re not obligated to entertain those yahoos, and just send them on their way.
Best wishes Ms Stephanie.
PeaceOh I didn’t respond back. It’s insane how immature people are at an adult age.
Very true.
Lots of people just become: grown children. Especially in western developed countries, where kids get spoiled to death, and they grow up thinking they’re entitled to anything and everything. OR because they didn’t have certain things back then, they think they’re now owed or entitled to it all.
(“No” is worse than a 4-letter word to them.)Here’s what you should do :
Here’s how to deal with harassing/ pestering Private Messages on ABFheaven
There definitely are negative and entitled people. But I also think some of that negativity comes from bigger trends people are dealing with. Productivity has gone up a lot, but wages haven’t kept pace. This tells you everything. So people feel like they’re putting in more and getting less back.
We’re literally working harder and more productive than ever while a lot of that gain gets taken advantage of. Younger people are disconnected and frustration over time has built like a boiling pot.
And at the same time, people are told to stay patient, stay calm, don’t push back too hard, while governments have been waging wars for profit forever, Even now, the current administration is destroying lives in a foreign nation for profit.
It’s hard to reduce that to just “entitlement” without ignoring the bigger context, which is a flawed instinct I see a lot with older generations (whom many call boomers these days sadly).
The graph seems to indicate Richard Nixon (at least for the US) is to blame?
Nixon was the one that switched the US money from gold to the “faith of the US”, wage stopped going up, but profit margins increased. @cutt We all know any president/politician is just a puppet for people with actual power.
Wall Street loved it and kept asking for more and more. And the late stage capitalism took hold ever since the 1970’s, the last time wages stagnated (and never recovered or kept up with inflation).
Please explain why people used to be able to raise a family on a single income, and now both partners work a 40+ hour workweek and they cannot afford to have kids to such an extent that the birth rate has collapsed.
Then, go on ahead and tell @joechill that he’s a boomer that complains as much as those who are so called entitled. We’re all on the same boat and division is what keeps them in power. Old and young. Black and white.
Please explain how this became a post about economics and name calling when the original post was from a lady complaining about people’s attitudes. I fear all you’ve done is prove her point!
Politeness costs nothing especially when trying to find a partner or prospective ABF. Not being able to demonstrate the bare minimum of that goes a long way to indicate what someone is likely to be like in a relationship.
Welshie, I think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding here. No one is trying to degrade anyone. Yes, some wording may have come off strong, but the intent was to address a point, not tear someone down.
When I brought up economics or broader context/semantics, it wasn’t to derail the conversation. The original post was about people’s attitudes, and adding perspective on why those attitudes might be showing up more is valid and reasonable. If we don’t understand where behavior comes from, we’re only reacting to the surface instead of actually addressing it.
I do agree that politeness matters, it’s the bare minimum. But it’s not the full picture. The world isn’t seen through rose-tinted glass, reality is messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes harsh. Difficult conversations are part of that, and it’s so important not to confuse discomfort with disrespect.
What really defines someone, especially in a relationship, is how they handle disagreement or tension, not just blind politeness. That goes a much much longer way to indicate what someone is likely to be like in a relationship, ABF or not.
There’s a time to be polite, and there’s also a time to speak up and address something that’s off. That can be done honestly without being unnecessarily hostile. In this case, when someone like @joechill needs honest discourse based on facts and not feelings, then we should have a real conversation about it, not just a polite one.
So I don’t see this as proving her point, I see it as trying to get underneath it.
We don’t need an explanation of why peoples attitudes are the way they are because it doesn’t excuse someone descending into abuse when they are rejected, however politely that happens. As a bare minimum, respectful communication should be the standard. As women we get a whole lot of grief from SOME men if we politely reject them and even more grief if we ignore them, whether they have bothered to read our profiles and see if they’re what we’re looking for before they try to initiate contact.
We don’t owe anyone a reply or the time of day and we don’t need to analyse why some men are offensive, we just need it to stop.
@welshie Again, no one was trying to degrade, belittle, or trivialize anyone’s point. Obviously, it needs to stop. Women should NOT tolerate entitled men and men should know better than to resort to abuse. THAT POINT IS VERY CLEAR.
But when @joechill makes an extremely ignorant blanket statement about an entire generation of people who didn’t ask for any of this, then we have moved past the point we have all agreed on and something needs to be said RESPECTFULLY about someone’s ignorance, in the similar vein as any topic that needs to be understood. It’s literally our duty. It’s why we’re all in this situation in the first place, with a whole war in 2026. Complacency, inability to think critically, and disregard for any care.
Again, someone please explain why people used to be able to raise a family on a single income, and now both partners work a 40+ hour workweek and they cannot afford to have kids to such an extent that the birth rate has collapsed.
Please @RealAsianManABF you are changing the subject again to economics. Open up your own forum topic and ask your question in there.
Also: its not about intention. Someone can, with good intention, stay stupid and hurtful things. Its about behaviour. Its about the recipient. Stop means stop, no is no. Its as simple as that. No discussion, no but. I really dont get what’s so difficult about respecting that boundary.
I want to be clear that I haven’t disagreed with the core point anyone is making here. Respectful communication should be the baseline, and abusive behavior, especially in response to rejection, is unacceptable. We just need it to stop. On that, there is ZERO tolerance.
I also recognize that I went on a tangent with “economics,” and I understand why that’s frustrating in the context of the original topic. That said, if this is about “behavior” and how it affects the “recipient,” then that standard should apply consistently.
Otherwise, you (generally speaking) are just a hypocrite. WHEN someone makes a broad, dismissive statement about an entire generation, that’s also a form of disrespectful behavior. It still contributes to the same problem: shutting down understanding and replacing it with generalizations.
So my question isn’t to excuse bad behavior or shift focus away from the main issue, it’s about consistency while showing up with facts. If we’re holding people accountable for harmful or disrespectful behavior, shouldn’t that include EXACTLY what @joechill DID when he initially went OFFTOPIC with his ignorant blanket statement.
I’m not trying to derail the conversation, just pointing out that respect and accountability should go both ways.
Because @milkysnuggles48 deserves her peace of mind, not MORE ignorance and negativity about putting people down. So please do tell, what boundaries did @joechill respect here when he spews negative ill-intentioned misinformation to the original recipient who was asking for a peace of mind with all of the negativity that she receives?
Joe Chill is not one of my favourite users, but if you read his two comments properly, he doesn’t name any specific generation. He specifies a type of person who could actually belong to any generation over the years. You’re the one who has taken his comments to mean a specific generation and have released a tirade of “explanations” that were neither needed, nor relevant to the original post. In fact you are the one who actually named a generation by mentioning boomers.
Economic circumstances are not an explanation or an excuse for poor behaviour. We all have a choice how we interact with others and we’re all disillusioned with the cost of living and the current unrest around the world. We do not need to be lectured on the bigger picture, because we’re all living in it!
For a lot of us, ANR/ABF is a time of calm, peace and connection in an increasingly volatile world. It’s a time to be kind to ourselves, to take our minds off our troubles and to truly be in the moment with our partner, shutting out the noise of the rest of the world. That can’t happen with someone whose attitude is entitled, rude and abusive….whatever generation or economic circumstances they happen to be from.
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