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I feel like a great deal of communication within the communities around adult breastfeeding is about taking from the woman: “What can she do for me?” I see women frequently reduced to objects, and I feel that completely misses the point. It’s reductionist and crude. I’ve written this as a counterpoint: what a woman can gain from this experience – and what she deserves: Not someone reducing her to a sex object, but A man with the capability of emotional maturity, self-awareness, and a groundedness to bring about the symbiosis of everything I’ve written below.
I keep rewriting these philosophical illustrations because it feels like the concepts are abstract enough that I need to build a ladder supporting how I got here. My hope is that this writing can evoke such primal sensations as to make that unnecessary.
Breastfeeding is extraordinary to me as it occupies space in both sides of the true duality of man in such a luminary fashion.
That we are named individuals, entirely unique, humans with our own names, desires, experiences, memories – rational, capable of thought and of transforming the environment around us. Capable of falling in love, of feeling sad. Of using fire to create a dish of herbs, meats, and other substances so wholly unique to your own creativity, and to an area of this planet in this universe, that the sensation captured from that food could be unique to the entirety of humanity in this timeline.
And also that none of this exists. That the name “Calen” is just an erroneous identifier. That none of us exist, and the entire world around us is comprised of varying densities of light. The Vedics have a word for this. “Maya” primarily means “illusion,” “magic,” or the cosmic power that makes the phenomenal, changing world seem real while concealing the unchanging absolute reality. In the Vedic tradition and nearly every religious tradition on the planet, the goal was to realize this and to still the mind so that you may focus on the godhead.
In practicality, you might experience this as a deep-seated peace. A sense of calm, order, where everything is just right. Nothing needs to be done. You are loved, content, sated, and exactly where you are meant to be. And when you are in this state, heart radiating love, you want to share that with others. To hold someone and push that same light from your heart into theirs. To imbue them with that same peace and understanding, for it would bring you happiness; it would bring them happiness, and the world would be a better place for it.
For the woman, the duality that breastfeeding can bring forth is truly spectacular.
In the Maya, it encompasses the most powerful archetype that humans possess. Think upon the gradient of complexity: cells, to tissues, to organs, to organ systems, to a human being. A human being is composed and defined by their memories and experiences, shaped by their own internal dialogue, their ancestors, and the world around them. Think of everything stored in your brain as a file on a computer. Some are simple: a memory, not too different from a video; you recall how the smile of a loved one made you feel, what colour their eyes were, the words you exchanged. Some are more automatic: you burned your hand on a stove when you were 5, and now you unconsciously jerk your hand back from open flames.
And then there are archetypes – philosophers and psychoanalysts have been attempting to categorize these since time immemorial. The most extraordinary of all of these archetypes is that of the mother. Coalescing 1000s of years of ancestral memory of women that came before you, literally creating, shaping, and raising life, nourishing something completely helpless into a full-fledged man or woman that can change the course of history simply by existing. You literally have the ability to create life, imbue that life with safety, with love, to teach the difference between right and wrong, to imbue safety, happiness.
With this comes power, the power to raise kings that can change the face of the world, and the power to make that king surrender to a whisper in his ear – when he wouldn’t stand down to an entire army, solely because the voice that whispered in his ear was yours.
Archetypes are triggered by environment, by intent, as a response to need. Having someone to truly connect with and suckle upon your breasts can connect you to the wisdom of the feminine, the wisdom of your ancestors. It can provide clarity of mind and deep sensations of peace. Incredible feelings of love, of belonging. It is the most needed and most selfless gift imaginable, and performing such an act with an illuminated mind literally benefits the human race as a whole.
From a more simplistic point of view, how does it feel to know the person in your lap may feel love so intense he can only radiate it back into your arms, because it’s beyond the ability to describe with the language we have. He would do anything for you; the depths of his gratitude and joy are indescribable.
Think of someone’s emotional psyche as a witch’s cauldron, gained over life, with different things imparted. Strength as a golden thread, first manifesting when he decided not to cry, skinning his knee at an early age, tracing all the way to the modern day where he works hard in his job so that his family can be at ease. Compassion as an ethereal warm pink thread, starting when he dropped a cookie as a child and a kind stranger gave him theirs, going all the way to the present day where he bought a second sandwich for lunch and gave the other one to the homeless man sitting out front.
The most powerful of impacts I see upon this emotional map is suckling at the breast of someone whose heart bears for you positive intentions and love. Light without colour scintillating across the entire map, touching every single thread and moving through it constantly like a wave. Think of the voice a mother uses to read a bedtime story to her child, or the tenderness with which a cat picks up her kitten – the energy behind that touch, the vibration behind that voice, is something that I feel is a critical component to everyone truly reaching their full potential of happiness, of life, and service to humanity.
From the perspective of the still point and the illumination of consciousness, being suckled does something amazing, It literally connects you to the movement of the cosmos. From the pulsation of a single cell to the orbit of planets around stars, all of existence is a never-ending dance of expansion and contraction. Gravitation and radiation. Inhalation and exhalation. The rhythmic interchange of pressure between his lips, your breast, and, by extension, your heart in such a life-affirming manner is profound. Cortisol drops, heart rate slows, your mind quiets, the electromagnetic fields merge, and you can quite literally become one with creation. You’ve the ability to meditate and connect with divinity in a manner that feels amazing, is joyful, pleasurable, and brings a feeling of love and of peace to everyone involved.
All in all, I feel that suckling is this extraordinary symbiotic, transformative act, which is why I’m content to wait for the right partner and approach this from a perspective of love and connection rather than need, and why I believe you should too.
A lovely post on duality from a particle to the entire cosmos. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
I think the most interesting part of this is that you’re challenging the premise of the question itself.
“What can she give me?” is transactional. But simply reversing it to “what can she get from this?” doesn’t entirely solve the problem either. The thing you’re describing only becomes truly interesting when there isn’t a designated giver and receiver at all.
I’d add one wrinkle, though. I’m a little wary of replacing the woman as object with the woman as archetype. Mother, nurturer, divine feminine…those can become reductions too, however beautifully intended. I still want to be encountered as ME.
And perhaps that’s where the real intimacy lives. Not in what my breasts represent, provide, or awaken but in what happens between two actual human beings when both feel safe enough to give and receive at the same time.
That’s the part I find fascinating. 🫶🏻
I love that. My overall takeaway was a bit vague – I didn’t have an aim while writing this at first.
You’re right in that the question is binary and the selflessness of the intent is relevant. I do want something, but you don’t have to give me something to gain value from my words, they’re for everyone.
I meant archetype more in a word used to describe a concept, feeling or state of being that’s inherently difficult to describe.
Like growing up, as a teenager and young adult, wanting to be a man, but not really knowing how or what that was. And then after years of self development and mens work actually experiencing this specific state of masculinity and going “oooh thats what this is” expereicing it compared to reaching for it intellectually were 2 very different things.
Just like how learning about the king archetype can illuminate a path, actions and behaviours to put one in line with it, my words were intended to provide a more tangible pathway to certain states of being.
Would you agree that there are states of being that you can acess while connected to a pattner that are inherently within the lines of “divine feminine” or “maternal”
And would you agree that you are still yourself, just illuminated in a different fashion. You are still you, likely just more at peace, aware, present.
Tldr archertypes as a gateway for yourself. In a reductionist fashion, I’m still myseld when I have purpose, am training daily, focused on my work, but I feel much better than if I were to laze about and do nothing, so to are you yourself (thats a fun sentence) while feeling deeply at peace compared to – for example, being stressed about work.
Archetypes are very powerful because they can be anything to any person. One can take a divine goddess and take one attribute of hers and still walk on the well trodden path to reach the feminine core.
None of these were set arbitrarily but from very deep experiences of yogis during meditation. They even were able to describe qualities of the very highest state of consciousness but we still can’t grasp it rationally or analytically until we practice or walk the path and experience it by meditation etc. because it’s beyond words.
Rumis famous poem comes to mind “meet me on the field beyond .. words or thought ..”
Without archetypes, scriptures or legends, we are left trying to figure out what the path is to bliss or what we should aspire to in life. What is the purpose of life .. the first question we ask as human beings.
So I am just saying, there are some experiences we have in life which are beyond words to describe and that’s because they are no words to describe them sufficiently well for eg if I try to find words for capturing the innate qualities of a very high state of consciousness. This is because as soon as you put a word you commonly use to a certain experience you limit it in a certain way.
The yogis understood this concept and hence they only used mantras which cannot be attached to any worldly or material things but carry energetic vibrations that transform the environment when you think or utter them. In this way, you don’t trigger the normal thought pattern of the human brain to associate meanings to things and result in unending thoughts which never lead to anything good.
Hence I will stop here 🙂
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