- This topic has 31 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Bazz, typically that would be a reasonable expectation outside of the dynamics of a site where there’s far more men than women.
Over the past twenty years, I’ve found it’s rare for rejection of any kind to be received well on these sites. In fact, it often seems to initiate a chase response from the man. To prove why he should be given a chance. To prove why he’s certain we’d be a great match. So more messages. And pressure. Sometimes nasty too including insults which show fragile ego. Asking women to justify why they don’t want to be in communication is often the result. So to avoid all that mess, sometimes women simply choose to block.
If someone blocks you really early on, they aren’t wasting your time and giving you false hope. Move on to someone more receptive of your approach and who you are.
Women are inundated with messages from the second they join any of these sites. Why do you think they would want to to be bothered with a message by the self proclaimed welcome committee?
Its not a case of a ‘self proclaimed welcome committee’ I have only messaged ladies within what is a commutable distance of where I live. If I don’t hear back then I don’t bother them again…ever.
The whole point of this thread was I thought it was a bit severe to block someone just because I’d sent them a message…I hadn’t pestered them or asked for anything unreasonable.
If you sent a guy a nice message wouldn’t you feel a bit huffed if he just blocked you instead of maybe saying thanks, but no thanks…?I honestly agree with you BaZz, you are kind, courteous and respectful!
Just messaging someone a nice welcoming message shouldn’t warrant you being blocked.
I wouldn’t have blocked you for that…. I do try to reply to members even if it’s just a thank you but not interested atm n wish people good luck.
I understand that some guys can be creeps or not take no for an answer …..then obviously block!
But come on ladies… BaZz hasn’t done anything upsetting or offensive?? He’s just messaged someone in his area n said hi n welcome…. Perfect message from a gentleman!! He got blocked n everyone has the right to do that if they wish…..but, if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be a bit upset, confused and as for advice…. Wouldn’t you??
I honestly think you’ve done nothing to deserve the block BaZz, I think you should carry on as you are and hopefully you will meet someone who’s interested in you n wants to connect. Lots of luck hun ❤️
Hi Suzie, and thanks for your well considered and thought out response. Its good to hear things from a UK ladies perspective. Regards,Bazz
Bazz, the trouble is after women get so bombarded (experiences on other sites carry over to how we respond here as well), blocking can become like a knee jerk reaction.
On other sites I’ve felt very much like a piece of meat being salivated over and it wasn’t flattering at all!
For some context, close to 15 years ago I did an experiment on an ANR website where I’d turn on my camera and wave hello in the first 5 minutes of private conversation. I didn’t ask the man to turn his camera on even. I was fully clothed, simply waved hello and turned the camera off.
I felt it would be good for being authentic and to help weed out those looking for different things from me. And wow it was shockingly effective and so disheartening.
99% of the time the man immediately asked me to show ‘tits’ or ‘ass’ or a variety of other very inappropriate things.
Keep in mind, this was within 5 minutes of having contact for the first time and none of the conversation had been sexual.
So yes, many women have barriers up and for really good reasons. Often we need a really good reason NOT to block someone.
Women need more than hello, we need to feel you really care about who we are as a person.
If you get blocked, try not to take it personal because they’ve saved you time and effort that you can now spend on someone who might be interested.
Initially getting blocked can feel harsh, unfortunately it’s how women survive on these websites.
Suzie I think you were spot on. Bazz if all you’ve done is what you described I would say blocking you is seriously rude. And being rude (which is definitely what blocking someone who just sent a friendly message is) to forestall the POSSIBILTY someone might be rude really makes no sense to me.
And LadyO I read your and the other ladies reasons, I would ask you to consider this the man who’s been blocked is feeling the same emotional response ladies have to a man being rude to them. You’ve just been rude to us and for no reason we can fathom. It REALLY is the male version of you guys being continually harassed, we’re continually rejected, here and irl. It’s the nature of meeting women, we,re going to get rejected 10x for every 1 yes.
Trust me we have feelings to and that sucks. Eapecially in the form of a no reason rejection.I can see both sides of this discussion. Me personally I have blocked a few based on comments they made in the forums. The comments were so off-putting, offensive &/or juvenile I decided to block. On the flip side of that I have also gone to read the profile of someone I have never messaged with before, and I found that he had already blocked me. Maybe he also didn’t like one of my forum comments or maybe he just doesn’t prefer Texas women. 😁 Who knows? We all have our reasons. I personally wasn’t offended. I just keep moving forward!
@nickchrome … I know right? LOL!
I 100% agree with @bustynatalie and @dd19 here.
Whilst you may think you are just being welcoming, the recipient of your message – who has just joined this site and possibly feeling a bit apprehensive about it all may well be feeling that you are simply jumping on them due to their geographical location.
It kind of reminds me of the seagulls in Finding Nemo.
Yes, they could send a message saying thanks but no thanks. However nobody on this site is obligated to respond to any unsolicited message that plops in their inbox.
Maybe cool it on the welcome wagon a little?
I totally respect both sides of the argument. While I haven’t experienced the insta-block, I do get ignored often. Which is okay to me. I would have liked the “thanks but no thanks,” but the women I message are not obligated to reply. Can’t say that I haven’t reached out to a few that I probably shouldn’t have..
But I’ve recently adopted a mentality in my search for a partner where I do not let my expectations grow on a particular woman I reach out to until (and IF they decide to) reply to my message. I may sound preachy here, but I think it’d be a good mentality for all men on here to adopt.For the women: you are all obligated to act how you feel is appropriate in a given situation. I and most of the gentlemen on here will respect your decisions. If I may be so bold to ask the women on here to pause and put yourself in the man’s shoes (if his message is respectful) before choosing to block.
If you’ve read this far, thanks! And good luck on your journey!
I can see how a new member to this community may want to see the lay of the land for while before they become an active participant…perhaps they are happy to observe. A private message from a local so soon after joining could easily spook our new member.
Perhaps wait to see if they pop up in forum chat before reaching out.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.