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agreed with the others about being clear with yourself what sort of arrangement you’d like with the individual – but definitely ladder up the comms -> first text, then voice messages, then calls (audio and video). maybe even a couple of them before meeting.
it’s worked for me, allows for more humanity to shine through, but also clarity (wishes, limits, etc).best of luck!
Simple suggestions:
– you want an R. Stick to that.
– you have needs. That ambiguity, if communicated, opens the floodgates to being used. No need to disclose that.
– if you say ABF, that can be aligned with what you don’t want. Just because you are human and have urges doesn’t give anyone the right to exploit you.
– be patient. Anything worthwhile takes time. – If you meet, assume nothing physical will happen initially, but try not to fixate on that because it can repel guys with good intentions.
– if you’re not comfortable, the answer is “no”, or least “not today”. If he’s a good match, the time will come when it’s right.
– if there is long-term potential, as long as you keep communicating, it will happen for you.I think the best way to approach anyone new, is to not have any expectations. It’s a Kink, treat it that way, cos the guy will too. I would hold off any personal talk too, sure its difficult, but what you want to assess during your initial interaction, is the guy safe? is the guy clean? has experience with ANR? and mostly, is he respectful. If you do becomes a regular thing and you start to like him, you can start to divulge more and see if he reciprocates. That’s usually a good sign that he is also interested in you.
Hope this helps! Cheers!
And…in absolute fairness, when we met I was the pushy one, he actually suggested to come back to mine another day. Before we met though, he was the pushy one. After we met though he did completely switch after a silence and just treated be like a casual hook-up after specifying in his intro and in our chats, that that was not what he wanted. So, I’m not a hapless victim and it does not behoove me to behave like one. I’m just bewildered. I naturally want to see the good in everyone and I will not let this experience taint my outlook. I shall learn and grow 🙂
I think regardless of the type of intimate relationship we engage in short term one time event or long term forever. And I don’t want to diminish any of them they can all be very rewarding.
However I think what i have learned is to be open up front about expectations from the encounters you are planing and expect the same from the other person.
You are not in control of them so they may tell you something different than what they do and that is on them to apologize.
Its ok to change how we feel, especially when we experiment but we must be open and communicate.
Otherwise you are better off with someone that respects you enough to let you know how they feel.Ohh, LTR goals that changes things. Long types shouldn’t get distant after the first sesh (no matter when they happen). I’d say he’s just not into you, but: the 2nd offer / continuity break is odd, sounds like early stage manipulative behavior tbh.
It takes 2 to jump; sounds like he wants to eat the street. I have zero-tolerance for that back-burner / faded limbo / thumb-war after the nursing bullshit. IMO, the sooner you nurse, the sooner hidden agendas reveal themselves and/or, the sooner you’re enjoying each other. With that in mind, I think nursing on the first date is smart money.
There’s no real perfect way to perfectly screen partners though. You’ll get burned by the street eaters, that’s how it goes.
It sucks (no pun intended) that this happened. As far as dealing with this, as is with similar things and the rejection (ultimately that’s what it is) you have to let yourself feel what has happened rather than shove it to the side. We’re human and we make mistakes, no matter who or what we are. Take time to process what has happened, monitor your feelings, then you take what you can learn from it and move on.
Best of luck
Being a newbie: take time!! At first your inbox will be flooded by reactions from eager men. The good ones will stay, the rest will move on quickly. Also: do not respond to low effort messages like ‘ hi’ or ‘hru’. Do not accept disrespectfulness.
Because of the amount of messages you could feel pressured. Dont. Take your time and hold on to your boundaries.Be upfront, but don’t feel guilty if you wanna start a session right away after meeting them. As long as you’re not Rushed, uncomfortable, or unsafe. Go with what you like and feel comfortable with. It’s your body, set the rules.
I think with any introduction on here or dating both of you should state your intentions and see if they align with eachother. I like a potential partner to know what they’re getting into with me so feeling aren’t hurt or blurred, the last thing I would want would be the reason someone’s feeling are hurt.
I also think in this space you talk to a number of people and wine them down until you find the one for you. You can go on meets and see if they’re the same in person BUT you should NEVER feel pressured to do anything unless you’re comfortable and willing, the person you meet should be understanding of this and shouldn’t be pushy.
The main thing about this all is it should feel fun and not scary or feel like a chore, otherwise what’s the point
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