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Hello, I’d like some advice please…
So I’ve been on this site for a few weeks now and I actually did meet someone, which was a bit rushed, we met a coffee shop not too far from me and within a maybe an hour, came back to mine…there was no build up or anything. The suckling itself was sublime but the rest of it was a bit awkward. The guy I met, well he basically introduced himself more-or-less as soon as my profile had been approved and I genuinely liked him but after our encounter, he pulled away for a while. I started chatting to others then he returned and offered something entirely different. I stopped chatting to the others in the name of integrity. It’s hard for me to think that I may have just been used but I have to face facts. I’m rather gutted as I enjoyed messaging him and I told him things that I wouldn’t tell anyone else so quickly. Even as I type this I’m still confused.
Anyway, the quickest way for me to get over him is for me to get back on my horse and try with someone else. This is what I’d like advice on. How do I do this properly? I’m not on social media and I’ve never used an online dating app, heck, I’ve not even been on a regular date for a long time! I’m not massively keen on typing as a way to get to know someone. I was introduced to Telegram, maybe that’s a safe alternative? Or I’m quite happy to leave voice notes on this site. And how long do I leave it? The first time was under a week. Then, what if I meet them and just really fancy them (like the first time), is it okay to just go back with them there and then? Okay, so there’s self-respect (which I have) but it’s the 21st century! But then I run the risk of being used and let down again. I’d really appreciate some advice. Thanks 😊Hi, it’s nice of you fellas to send me private messages saying getting back on my horse is a good idea but I didn’t post this is an invitation to be hit on. If you want to offer some advice, please be respectful and do so on here. Thanks 🙂
I think you just have to be yourself and the right person will come along. Until then, try not to overthink it or second guess things too much. Ultimately, what’s meant for you will find you, and until then – anyone who comes and comes, it’s their loss. Good luck with it!
Im not sure if im correct but my advice is to do what you feel comfortable with and trust your gut feelings . Ken
It seams a one night event is not desirable to you. I suggest simply extending the courtship to 3-4 times,or whatever you are comfortable with, to build a connection that is more to your liking prior to taking your bra off.
I would just be upfront that you’re looking for more long term. Wait until you’re past the awkward stage before allowing intimacy/nursing. Sadly, being let down is a part of dating whether it involves ANR/ABF or not! As for the not typing to get to know someone, I would stick with voice messages through here until you meet someone in person, then switch to phone. There’s several apps that allow you to create a second line for free if you don’t want them to have your real phone number right away.
I understand that you’re a newbie to this kink, so what I’m about to say may sound harsh, but it’s truly meant as constructive criticism for you as a newbie.
It’s a shame that a one-time suckling session gets classified as “being used”.
You “used” him just as much as he “used” you. If you both enjoyed the encounter and no physical harm was done, then great…you had a successful ABF session.
But here’s the distinction I read between the lines about you: you’re looking for an ANR, and aren’t really happy with just an ABF. But you can’t develop an ANR without first experiencing an ABF. Having ABF sessions are a necessary and expected part of the process. You can’t expect every ABF session to turn into an ANR. One of the beauties of folks like us is that we know what we’re looking for and don’t play games before getting straight to the point (and you know what I’m referring to).
You asked for advice going forward. Here’s my suggestions to you:
1) Screen everyone you think you’d like to meet in person by first having an in-depth voice phone conversation (NOT TEXTING!) or a video call. Video is preferable because you can verify if profile info matches what you see during the video call. As best you can, see if you sense that the man truly is into breast play and is not using ANR/ABF as a gateway to get you in a compromising position to press for more intimate activities. If he passes this screening, go to Step 2.
2) Meet like you did before at a coffee shop or ice cream parlor or any other non-alcoholic venue. There’s nothing like a face-to-face to assess chemistry and judge character. If both of you feel comfortable with each other in person, there’s no reason not to move immediately afterward to a private suckling session. You may feel more comfortable if you host at your place rather than go to his.
3) Use this initial session to further evaluate how you two relate to each other. Like any “first date” encounter, hope for the best for future repeats, but don’t get despondent if it doesn’t materialize.
I have used this methodology (successfully) for years. Sometimes things turn into an ANR. Othertimes, it’s just an enjoyable one-time ABF encounter. It’s all part of the process. You don’t expect every first date to lead to a second date, do you? Of course not. You should take the same REALISTIC approach to your ANR/ABF experiences.
@curiousdesire I can understand how you may be feeling used. Especially when he came back wanting something different than what was proposed initially.
You have to be careful about these things. Perhaps try to determine your true desire towards abf/abr.Sharing the kink is just the manufacture of more porn. Which is not immoral, but it won’t be bonding.
Working towards goals is what bonds people together. You’ve seen first hand that breastfeeding is not bonding. What’s bonding is the larger shared journey together. If you fancy someone and have a session, the depth and meaning of a shared journey will not be present. That’s an issue for me, I don’t seek casual because I don’t like how it feels.
Honestly, if you are looking for something truly meaningful then I would go for a couple dates before nursing. Just have to state what you are looking for up front. A relationship, someone to just meet up and nurse with etc. I’m assuming you did though 🙂 the problem just like every other dating site is people are looking for different things and lots will just say to get what they want. (Happend to me so I know from experience)
You’ll find someone special I believe in you. Should maybe not rush if you are looking for something long term. Simply to determine if they would be a good fit for you. As I said though if you are just looking for someone to just meet up and nurse then there’s nothing wrong rushing into it. Just my 2 cents on it. I get attached easily too so I 100% get where you are coming from.
What LTR said is basically what I’m saying too lol. Well put!
Thank you all for sharing your advice, much appreciated. @grogman I think you may be right. I really need to clarify for myself what it is that I want. The initial impetus for joining this site was an emotional relationship that I had with someone, I fell in love with him and felt the strong desire to breastfeed him; in a way that was, caring, giving and beautiful and nurturing. But I do have other needs that I wilfully repressed for many years. @nips2lips and @tikikali One nights are not entirely out of the question on the odd occasion but that would need to be explicitly stated beforehand, I don’t want someone coming onto me, pretending be one way be then just switching. That’s what has hurt/disappointed me. @anrmi Yes, I think a long term is preferable to build a true bond but that doesn’t have to mean regularly/daily, at least not for a while. I have only just recently become free (solo mum for years: solo on purpose!). I love my new found freedom, I love my life and don’t want to get tied down again to quickly, but yes, one person long term but not too often would suit me perfectly. Thank you all for helping me to find some clarity within myself 🙂
NOT to be cynical BUT only death and taxes are guaranteed in life. Imagine if there was a foolproof way to weed out folks … then divorce rates would not be around 50%, in the US for sure.
Time might help, gut instincts do help. But any relationship takes work, particularly after it has started.
I guess a general advice would be to take things at a pace that you are comfortable with and if the partner is not on your timeline, maybe it is not meant to be? BUT being too rigid might reduce odds too …
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