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I have milk again which I am excited about, and during the journey, I got a lot of unhelpful comments. Other women have expressed their frustration to me at receiving similar comments. And I am calling out the men specifically because I have gotten messages from women wanting to suckle and as of yet, they have never resorted to these lines of questioning.
Many just do not seem to understand that when I talk about making milk and you want some, your comments are not going to help you get any.
Here are some things not to say to a woman on here:
-how much are you producing?
-yeah, but how big are they?
-do they get bigger?
-do you have more pics from other angles?We may enjoy compliments and support but that doesn’t mean we are here to be your personal pic dispensers. They have websites for that with paid professionals. Please use them. We are human beings. Try to be grateful for the pics or videos that have been shared and you are more likely to see more of someone or maybe meet in person which is the whole point of this site, not to just take pictures for others.
And we don’t know how much we are truly producing. I have three pumps which do not adequately meet my needs because I have to switch them out for charging and cleaning which is a CONSTANT process and they all have different pros and cons as far as noise, effectiveness, ease, which bras I can wear while using them. Only some of them have measurement labels, but here’s the thing, all of the milk doesn’t drop to the bottom AND more importantly, pumps do not always empty breasts. In fact, they almost never empty my breasts, and I’ve tried at least five different pumps. I have had milk for 2 hours of suckling after pumping a few ounces and it was still coming out.
Asking me how much I produce tells me you have not researched at all something you say you are very interested in and this makes you less interesting to me, even though I try to be patient. It makes me feel frustrated, inadequate, and less keen to share with you.
Asking about breast size, tells me we are not in this for the same reasons and you are a size king. Would you like women to demand your penis size and height? I am sure some do, but it changes the tone of the conversation.
Some things I suggest saying:
-I wish I could help you with that (buy or cleaning the pumps, suckling meets in a way that are convenient, buying domperidone which is a complicated process)
-You are doing amazing! You seem very dedicated
-It is very hot or admirable how much you want to share and your efforts to produce.If you really want to have an actual ANR, then you should ask questions relevant to building a *relationship* with someone. I personally like a hungry suckler, but that does not mean I want to be treated like a piece of meat to be tossed around, yet unfortunately, that is how some behave. Please do better.
Women, please feel free to chime in, whether you agree or disagree or just want to add an addendum. I know I don’t speak for all.
I will add that you should also try to distinguish yourself in some way. A lot of men have no pics, even when they ask for lots of pics. Women get a lot of messages, so if you have no pic and we didn’t make an actual memorable connection, then I am likely not going to remember much. It isn’t because I don’t care, it’s because women get a lot of messages and if I don’t have a visual and echoic memory of you and some meaningful discussion we had, it will be like a dream that I forget upon waking.
There are lists of questions to intimately know someone better and I suggest you all use some or take conversation and listening classes, if an ANR is something you truly want.
The secondhand embarrassment I get from seeing how some people will talk to the women on here, and other sites. Makes me want to log off sometimes.
Well said.
I enjoyed reading your post. I have to agree with Simon, about it being an embarrassment to hear how other men not only ask childish immature questions but also demand to have these self centred questions answered. You can almost imagine these guys typing what they want with one hand as they play pocket pool with the other hand. Terrible….
I think that for any real abf and relationship to work whether it’s casual or long term, there’s got to be respect and understanding that this is a real intimate connection and not just fantasy.Another thing that I find makes me laugh, and I imagine is off-putting for ladies (am I wrong?).
When guys post “I’m going to be in such a place for these couple of days, anyone fancy meeting up”
Ha ha ha. It sounds so desperate…..I would like to respond but sort of feel like I might be stepping on a few toes if I do. I don’t share pictures anymore for the reason that they are not valued by the person who is getting them. For years I had no breast pic even on my profile. Why? Because if someone values my inside self as a person he is worth talking to. If someone reaches out to me because of a pic then they mostly (unfortunately) turn out to be shallow and only looking at the outside me. I have not been disproven in this theory yet. Honestly no one has been impressed by my inside self enough to stay the course so I think my strategy isn’t working but I am ok with that because I definitely don’t want a shallow person even as a friend. Regarding the hard work you are doing to lactate..kudos to you it’s a lot of work and do it for yourself .. to know that you did it on your own without anyones’s help. It’s hard to find a guy willing to support a woman during the difficult times although they do want the fruits of the labor. If you ever find a guy like that he’s a keeper for sure. Best wishes, Sin
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