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Connection of minds will spark attraction, thats why.
Physical appearance helps. I am not gonna lie. But i am far from perfect myself. Although my boobs might be… just kidding people!!
But no attraction when there is nothing to talk about.
Not gonna lift my shirt only because you want me to.
What if he lifts his shirt ? I mean skin is attractive all colors, textures and shapes. We all have the same desires to be touched and touch.
Depends on the timing. If its the first thing he does…. like: lets get some action! No thank you.
Cannot remember I said anything about skin colour. Never mentioned any preference or excluded skin tones. Didnt even think about it.I just thought people of all colour have brains to enjoy.
Okay and all the rest too. Just was saying to me connection through the brain comes first.I meant that I love skin and mentioned color because that is further broadening one’s landscape of experiences to include everybody. I didn’t mean any offense.
One way I have found to meet people in the middle is to put myself in their shoes. This may mean I don’t immediately post a response because it takes time to process something they have said.
This doesn’t mean our mind is slow it just means that we are thinking through things when the whole world is reacting to something.
I had to learn this over the years.. initially I would have friction with my dad because he behaved a certain way now I see the 18-26 year olds thinking that I am not keeping up with the times.
Age is not respected even if their wisdom comes from life experience.
Sometimes people just amplify the voices of others because it’s easier to be with other people who are louder.. when that happens I just calm down because I can imagine myself in their shoes when my opinion may be the only one in the room and people are not understanding my point of view. This has happened to me and it’s not a great feeling especially when you have a different perspective than the majority of voices.
Just because one is in the majority doesn’t mean that it’s the truth and just because one voice rises to say something a little like “hey let’s think about this doesn’t mean that person’s voice needs to be silenced. “
We all have different perspectives and some people quieter and some a little louder but everyone brings color to the dialogue.
If one doesn’t say anything they aren’t conceding that the other is right but sometimes it’s just that the person isn’t ready to understand our point of view and may not until they have the same experience and think and learn from it.
No matter what silence is golden sometimes when caught up in a group discussion where our ego is the one leading the way.
Thank you.
Letting this one go. No idea how it connects to what is said before. I guess its broadening the subject.
@lolamayi12345. Agreed, time allows chemistry to build and/or fade. In some cases people thankfully reveal their true selves and we’re able to let things fade away. In other cases it forms a stronger bond and they’re 🪝’d.
Hi Lola,
I want to highlight how much you revealed of your inner self by how beautifully you put that paragraph.
It’s so lovely I would like to read it again and expand on it so I pasted it down below:
You wrote “But I think we reveal far more about ourselves in the little moments than we realize. How we handle disappointment, whether we can admit we’re wrong, how we treat people when there’s nothing in it for us. “
1. What we do for others and how we treat others when there is nothing in it for ourselves. That’s empathy resulting in giving/pure love in the truest sense of the word because all we’re receiving is a smile, a thank you, and a heart that might give back in return to another thereby spreading the love.
2. How we react to others when we don’t get what we want, how we handle disappointment as you wrote. In my mind that always comes back to truth., being your true self no matter what the outside world thinks of us or portrays us as. This might also mean admitting when we’re wrong as you wrote.
Are we hurt, are we angry/resentful, do we lash out, do we react maliciously sabotaging their peace of mind.
The alternative to this is to bring forward peace, love and compassion and put ourselves in their shoes.
Yes you could be hurt by their rejection but when we see their humanness and say “hey they might be seeing the world differently than I did” it brings closure to our feelings instead of lashing out at them which only creates ill will.
3. Whether we admit we are wrong is such a big thing because that’s truth and it will set you free by admitting a mistake. When we’re able to face the truth about ourselves, see our imperfections and correct them for the better good then that always results in evolution because it’s learning and becoming wiser. It’s not just being the same way.
So I thank you for all that you are and do for everyone around you. We see it everyday in the effort you put into everything you do. I am so happy and thankful that you’re here and a beautiful true giving part of our community ❤️🤗🥰🌺💕
Sparkling, what a beautiful and generous thing to say! Thank you. That genuinely means a lot to me.🩷
And I think you’ve demonstrated something lovely about your own character in the way you’ve approached this conversation and so many others. You don’t just ask people to share who they are. You take the time to listen, reflect, and recognize the good in them. That’s a pretty wonderful quality to have, and one I hope you recognize in yourself! 🩷
I especially love your point about how we handle disappointment. It’s easy to be gracious when everything goes our way. The real challenge is extending that same grace when it doesn’t. And goodness knows, I’m still practicing that myself! 😉
@sind
Hi Sparkling…thanks for checking in!!! I am an open book!!!
I am a Snowbird and have two homes…one in semi rural Missouri and another in Metropolitan Arizona…In Missouri I have traveled up to an hour to meet a partner and even then the availability is limited at best…on ABFHEAVEN I have found one local partner and I am thankful to have found her!! She is very like minded, very new to nursing, curious and asks the right questions…I very nice young lady…
In Metro Phoenix, the availability is much better….pre COVID I could easily find 5-6 active partners a week!! I am currently transitioning out to AZ and I have inquiries from 3-4 partners.. largely first time ABF, a Hucow, and a seasoned ABF.. all very inquisitive and lovely ladies!!!
Oh Sparkling, I have followed you for your mind and body!!..the visuals run the gamut on a site like this…to avoid being labeled a horny toad, I focus on conversation, personality, wit, and knowledge…my Missouri partner has a penchant for art!! Spicy pictures are just like candles on the cake…flashy, attention getting, sparkly!!! But not important if the cake and frosting aren’t spectacular also…I hope women respond to me for my ability to interact and be a good person….I hope they continue to come back for my skills and results….you have to deliver!!! Hope this helps, Sparkling!!! Cheers!!
Hi Fetvoy,
That was lovely reply, thank you so much for that! I feel like I need to change my name from sparkly and become the icing or the cake itself 🙂
Seriously though you seem like a very well rounded person who has put in a ton of thought and effort into learning, finding and doing…
The thoughts, words and actions all focused on breast feeding and your other interests in the fet world of course.
I had no idea that metro phoenix was such an active scene but that’s going to be our secret.. for now .. 🤣 until the next ABF’er reads your post and decides to move there ..
I would not say men are bad for being distracted by breasts but I will say it’s hard to have a great conversation while chatting with a man once I have shared a pic so I generally hesitate to do that.
I am also a shy introverted person (who would have thought ..right?).
I do want to learn your social skills and how you get along with so many people.. I mean it truly is a talent.
Plus you have a lot to teach us re: your other kinks that we barely scratched the surface of (I think). If only I could pick your brain to learn everything you know and then become super wise 💕❤️🥰🔥🌺
Its funny, I’m a writer but I find it difficult to project my true self in words, and likewise find it difficult to sense someone’s (ok I’m gonna say it) “aura” through text alone. I struggle in chat rooms, trying to make impression and falling short. I suck at it. It’s like having a heart to heart with someone through a peephole in a door.
But face to face is where I can have a sense about someone. Are they kind at their core? Optimistic or pessimistic? Will their energy elevate mine? Or drain it? Do they smell good? Do I smell good? Where did they get that scar on their chin? Are their hands warm and soft or cold and brittle? Can I finally relax? Humans are built to touch and feel in person.
Finding a partner, online using websites or dating apps it’s all about inflating your emotional resume to look easy going and delightful. Independant and ambitious, with a pleasant side of goofy. But we’re all just taking each others word for it. You don’t truly know because everyone is sincerely just trying to not let the cracks show too much. And some of those cracks run pretty deep.
The cracks I will show Thurston but I agree cracks might scare people because it messes with the perfect image/reflection that we want to portray to this world.
In fact I have a great link to a poem from Rumi (a great poet) on my profile which summarized says “the cracks are where the light shines through” because can you really think of a person whose life is perfect?
It just seems like that to an outsider looking from far away. When you get closer is when we see the details of what life has wrought on someone.
Life is equally unkind to everyone and biology suggests we all have unique natural talents and those we imbibe from exposure or training or practice.
***But yes online dating is treacherous and especially if you are trying to find a needle in a hay stack..?!!! ***
So I finally come to the point after all that long explanation!
On an aside, you are a writer ? I love that!! Please share whatever you feel comfortable about what you do on that front..I would love to have a lived experience of your life through you. 🥰❤️💕
Sparkly thank you. What a generous soul you are. I loved your response. I am indeed a writer of sorts with three published works out there. In the past I’ve hesitated to acknowledge that accomplishment, so I’m trying to do that more. You are a beautiful writer yourself! I so appreciate your contributions to this community.
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