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It is not a pleasant topic, and certainly not a fun one. Many men choose to avoid it, many women would just rather forget.
It is however something that can have a huge impact on interacting with women, especially when it comes to dating and interpersonal interaction. The more men are mindful of these things, the better those interpersonal interactions will be.
If you are a man, you may think that it shouldn’t matter because your aren’t that way, there will even be women that feel that it shouldn’t. For some women, some scars just don’t fully heal though and it’s important to understand that we all have our own journeys or own scars and our healing process is ours alone to take.So, just a couple of the unpleasant facts to be mindful of (these statistics are for the US):
*One in five women in the United States experienced completed or attempted rape during their lifetime.
https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics*1 in 4 women experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking
https://ncadv.org/STATISTICSThis 👆👆👆!!!
The primary reason I posted this was more of a response to that question that men have been asking on here for the 3 years that I’ve been here; Why aren’t women responding to me the way I have expected them to?
The secondary reason would be my own personal experiences and my constant question of; Why do I continually or myself into situations where I end up hurt?
Everyone lives out their trauma in their own personal way. Some are more protective of their persons and boundaries. I personally find that a much healthier way of coping than my own self destructive coping mechanisms.That stat is absolutely disgusting. How can someone consider themselves a gentleman after behaving like that?🤬
I’ve had 6 broken ribs, fractured collar bone, fractured skull, and a broken arm along with all the cuts and bruises. I gain extreme pleasure in thought after learning combat maneuvers of the day when someone agresses me again and I get to slowly torture that person.
The worse part of those statistics is that it isn’t just sexual assault, that can take many forms, it is very specifically rape. It isn’t just specific intimate partner violence, which can take many non violent forms such as mental abuse and financial abuse, it’s specific to severe intimate partner violence.
I remember the one time with my very abusive ex boyfriend, that I called the National Domestic Violence Hotline. I didn’t even tell them all the things that he had done to me and the volunteer on the phone became very afraid. It got me really hard that it was so bad that it rattled someone who took those types of calls every day. I had thought that because he didn’t specifically hit me often, that it wasn’t as dangerous as a situation as it was. I didn’t know at that time the risk factors associated with the strangling and that actually may have been prior to the sexual abusive that came in the last year or two of it all.🤗🤗🤗
thanks Jessica for bringing up and increasing awareness for an issue that affects the safety of women. hopefully with an increased effort to improve things, the statistics of women who go through these traumatic experiences will decrease.
Jess, it’s a difficult elephant and unfortunately everyone being individual has to find their own way. I often think of the poor unfortunate people, men or women who “think” they have no choice but to stay and think they have no place to go or those that believe their abuser loves them and can’t see through the emotional fog.
Oddly, I grew up in that type of environment so didn’t notice the difference until I looked around me one day and noticed all my girl friends had different relationships when it dawned on me.
So from the emotional and physical standpoint I’d more or less never noticed the trauma and deal with it differently.
Abusive personalities have a deficit chemical balance going on within them. Some are medicatable others retrainable through different therapies. Regardless, I swore to myself decades ago no one was ever going to physically agrees me ever again and live to remember it.
I never imagined that I was “the type” of person that would find themselves in an abusive relationship. As though there is a type 🙄 After my marriage failed, I was a complete sucker for “love bombing” though. To be honest with myself, I likely still am. I then found myself in a situation that I had no experience with. Quite early I truly felt that I would not get out of that relationship alive. At one point towards the end, I even tried to make an exit once the only way I thought I would be the only way to make it end… Finally though it got to the point where I knew that the next time he had an outrage episode, that he would kill me and the statistics of the dangers of leaving vs staying favored the leaving over the 100% chance I would die if I stayed and I made up a crazy plan that worked. I drove him to his dad’s house over 200 miles away and drive off without him. Never returned one single text, answer one single call. I got the restraining order before he could make it back to Portland.
Lol, which has given me the ability to just walk away from someone who is causing me harm,either emotionally or physically. I might feel stupid and hurt, but I’ll walk away
@lacgal77, please don’t ever feel stupid! Walking away is the smartest thing you can do!!
Sad to read what you and @pawsda23 each have suffered through. Never again!
We men must be mindful of and aware of the trauma that women suffer through violence from us men. We must take pains to understand what a women who has experienced this goes through and continues to go through long afterwards. The healing process is different for each woman who has experienced being raped, which is a crime of violence not sex. Violence inflicted on women by men often has a myriad of after effects that women must deal with. It behooves us men to realize that we can be supportive and positive influences for her as she heals and caring to know and understand the difficulties she has to deal with patience and trust and loyalty during the relationship with her. Once we take the time to care for her, we show her that we want the best for her and are willing to try and provide what she needs on her road to healing herself.
Often women won’t openly talk about sexual assault or intimate partner violence. So, you may not even really know. You are correct, sexual assault is a crime of violence and not actually sex.
Personally, many of my friends and family know that I had intimate partner violence issues with my ex boyfriend. They don’t know the extent of the things that he did to me and they don’t know about the sexual abusive. They don’t know about past instances of sexual assault. It is something that women have a hard time talking about both from societies pressures on women and from the point of how traumatic the assaults are. It’s a little easier to talk about in an online setting with people you will never meet but it still brings up a lot of traumatic emotions
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