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So I’m wondering if anyone can plz explain the mommy/son dynamic regarding ABF to me?
ThanksCould it be based on a morbid incestuous affinity, yeah. But for most, I think they’re just looking for “motherly” comfort and nurturing.
Many, like myself, aren’t looking for any motherly allure, just a kind, warm and sweet woman.MizzLizz Good question! Glad you asked, i’d like to know too! May be about safety? I dont want a mummy role tbh.
It is a powerful way to connect and creates mindful nurturing kindness … and oxytocin off the charts for both partners. Much more than expected!
psychology may suggest it may be seeking what was missing or missed nurturing connection during earlier stages of life.
Yes, I think so too, Way, and thats why i am so reluctant to do that. You can not heal a partner
Have thought about this since I first saw the question. After some reflection (and introspection) I’m thinking it’s not really about incest (in any freudian sense) so much as an overlapping of two powerful female archetypal roles – “Woman” in the context of physical, sexual love; and “Mother” in the context of emotional, nurturing love, and a desire for both. “Breasts” become the venn diagram overlap between these two roles, breastmilk even more so.
The result – summarized with a mother/son label is a desire for a woman comfortable with the power of her own sexuality combined with the emotional connection we all look for. An acceptance of the “feminine” in a strong context and rejection of it as “object” of, or submissive to, male dominance.
Does that make sense to others here? Thoughts?
Hi Sarah’s BF, i can relate to most of what you are saying.
I do see the two components you describe in femeninity. But I dont see why it has to devided into tso archetypal roles.The physical love can be and at the same time yhere’s emotional bonding. Its not seperate.
Also: i dont like the idea of naming it a mother role, because 1. While nursing or otherwise having fun with a partner my feelings are absolutely not motherly 2. I dont think every woman should be wanting to be a mother. I mean its not obligatory and I dont like mother role to be presented as almost holy. We are no saints. Bit manosphere vibe for women and those kind of ideas scare me, because there are incented by men and meant to control women. I dont understand why we want feelings emotional bonding for women and we never here of a father role thats emotional bonding (not meaning daddy, but father as in opposite of mother). Bonding should be mutual and equally important to men.So a woman comfortable in her feminine is called a woman, not a mother/ mum.
Whrn a partner calls me mum its a big turn off. So if we need a name for the emotional side ( big if!!) I would choose another name, not referring to ha ing a child.
3. Im not a fan of mansplaining. Women know what femininity is. We can discuss it and thats a logical thing on a site like this. I value insights and questions of men, i really do want to know what they think. Presenting it as your personal idea ( like you do!!) Is fine. But others sometimes think they need to tell the eorld shat femininity is. Yuk. Normally there’s a hidden agenda.I dont know if i understand your last remark correctly. I read it as male and female being equal. Together in nursing and bonding. I love that. Both need each other. Its so beautiful and fulfilling when that happens between partners.
Also will happen betwedn two females or two males. And we dont need to determine a male and a female role in same sex couples. Bonding is the same.So may be more new questions than answers from me.Guess I always try to look for a less rules and as much freedom as possible. Dont like blue prints.
TY Rumina – I appreciate you sharing your thoughts here.
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“Archetypal” may not have been the best choice of words. I meant more to refer to that facet, rather than ‘reducing’ down to just that.Re: “The physical love can be and at the same time there’s emotional bonding. Its not seperate.” I agree completely. But in answer to the OP question, I meant to suggest that men (in broad, general terms, but not universally) may see them as separate, and may be a contributor to that being seen in the mom/son dynamic.
The “mother role as something holy” was a reflection of my being pagan and intended as an acknowledgment of that duality, rather than any intention of mansplaining or control. Men don’t see femininity the way women do…I think that contributes to “this” being mislabeled as “mother/son”
And “yes” you read that last remark correctly. It’s not about controlling. I prefer to open up and be vulnerable. The feelings are a strength not a weakness.
Thank you again for your input. Greatly appreciated.
Not all men see physical love and bonding as seperate, as not all women do. Its personal. Not specifically male nor female.
I meant women seen in the specific holy mother role in general, its a common wide spread image. Nothing I said is meant personal towards you.
I fully agree: opening up and being vulnerable is beautiful and its nursi g at its core.
Thank you for the follow up, Rumina. Let me start by saying “we’re good” 😊
Regarding the ‘holy mother’ role – I hadn’t considered that in my original posting, and was thinking more of “goddess” as being in touch/linked more to the divine feminine essence (e.g., the link of your screen name) rather than a ‘behavioral (‘sainthood’) attribute.
Physical love and emotional bonding IS different for everyone. What I was trying to convey (not as well as intended, but better through our dialogue) was that the mom/son label may be an effort (by those who do see it as separate) to reconcile that difference.
Thank you again for your perspective and input – and to ABFH for providing a forum for our discussion. Don’t know where else we could have had this chat.
I saw something in the polls asking if people would attend an in-person gathering (which I took to mean something like an ABF ‘convention.’) A subject like this would make for an ideal panel discssion.
All the best
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