- This topic has 19 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 21 minutes ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi Ragnar,
I joined a little before you. Your post hits home for me too. I traveled many states and across countries too to meet people but nothing came out of it that is lasting. Good news is I learned that long distance is extremely difficult to sustain. Even in MA where the community is probably a little more than Iowa.. it’s mostly guys who want to visit your home and have a good time or meet in a car and have a good time or are not serious about a real relationship. By the time you weed through the people you end up with nothing substantial ROI on time, heart, effort etc.
In my experiences – which are mounting up – quite a few women on here love flirting with the idea of ABF (etc) but it goes no further than that. That is to say, a female sexual/emotional fantasy is taken as far as it can go before colliding with the cold really… of meeting. Just before which point, they’ll disappear. I’m not saying they do this on purpose, I’m quite sure that when the goal of actually meeting is still being negotiated, there is every intention of carrying it through (otherwise the fantasy would lose its erotic power). I think it’s more to do with when there are no more obstacles left to meeting the question then arises… “do I really want to do this?”. And very often the answer turns out to be “No”.
Hi Peter,
I think the meeting(s) in real life is/are when the real decision should be made regarding if this person is a real partner potential or not, until then all of the talk preceding it is like a few pieces of a puzzle we have gathered together of a person which doesn’t really tell us who that person actually is..
As a female/male, I think an audio call(s) should precede a possible meeting to make sure that we are talking to a real person. The call can happen on abfheaven.
After that and a good interaction with each other the woman would feel like she knows this person well enough to meet in real life.
Yes there is the fantasy, the erotic component, the flirting etc, but to a woman like me the individual behind the person I am chatting with is the most important component. I am not saying I am perfect because I have become very jaded recently and sometimes don’t do things with a great deal of thought but may just stop chatting with a guy because he asks me in the first few texts “what do you do for work? “ “Or how big are your breasts (after seeing a pic because he can’t tell the size from the pic)?” I get triggered unfortunately as I am human too 🙂
I hope it’s the same for the other women who want to find an ANR partner in real life that they want to meet in real life.
If not, I hope they clearly state it in their profiles as should the men too. It would save us a lot of time and trouble, and misunderstandings if it’s just flirting that they are interested in.
I have also been telling Michael (unsuccessfully) that leaving the people who are picture collectors or just into plain flirting causes real damage because it’s a lived experience that men and women take with us to the next person we chat with… it’s not how many users that are here but how the users that are here interact with each other that provides the right culture in that group /community.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.