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I think it’s always helpful to assume good intentions first and foremost. Swiping at others for a rather innocuous comment is pretty off putting. If I were a woman in your area I’d take note and steer clear.
Me too I calculated the woman to men ratio in a few way, recently active, total ect. Usually, the ratio is always between 3,5 and 4
Its not anout the quantity of responses. Its about quality. Only need one.
If I said things that hurt your feelings I do apologize. There are no losers here just winners. We all win by uplifting each other. Michael runs this site purely by very very small donations but with a big heart. We all have big hearts that we extend to people with kindness and good intentions but we realize those aren’t enough sometimes.,.
With regards to the woman who was inundated with messages I was just saying that I was also in her place as a new user just testing the waters and wanted to quit the process many times as I felt overwhelmed, but I kept going when I reached out to kindhearted people and saw how they supported each other even though they would gain nothing from helping others as they were far far away.
We all grow from uplifting each other and learning from the process..it’s a journey that’s long and arduous and you need guides and good friends to have fun and laughter along the way. Engaging, reaching out making friends, putting oneself in a vulnerable position of being misunderstood or just listening to their story has helped me grow and evolve as a better person in every facet of my life. 💕 I don’t think of myself as less than someone or more and never hesitate to correct a mistake I make whether it’s intentionally or otherwise.
There is a lot of women in England who want their breast worshipped. I am jealous of your location. Some of the most blessed women in the world reside there.
Try using a different algorithm. Have you tried reddit?
But i agree. A lot of the men here ruin stuff by bombarding women they have no chance to meet instead of building around the community and finding their options naturally.
When I first signed up I received a lot of messages. I suppose I didn’t feel that overwhelmed though, because I’m good at taking a break or disengaging when I need to.
I suppose one way to address the issue of overwhelm could possibly be a buddy system or mentorship? I’d be fine with a little icon next to my name or on my profile to signify that I’m available for support.
It’s unfortunate she deleted her account, but hopefully she’ll come back when she’s ready.I have only been in this site a month. The men I have encountered majority have different intentions of what the mission of the sites states.
I probably get blocked or I am blocking men at least once a day on the reasoning that I find we do not have the same intentions, however even stated in their profile.. I am finding men that are wanting a breeding, mommies, extra martial sex situation mostly. The ones that are single are socially challenged and find it hard to have just a nice conversation. The ones that want to meet and greet first really deeply are hoping that the titties just pop out automatically. Or they get so scared they go MIA.If men are having problems here, just maybe they need to look in the mirror first..
I feel like this post has a pretty misogynistic tone to it.
Even if we look past that… what are you doing or saying here?
You’re on one of the few dedicated ABF/ANR forums (and one of the very best, IMO), complaining about the inherent imbalance in male/female membership numbers. That raises a couple of questions to me:
1) Do you not realise this is the case on virtually ALL dating/relationship sites? and
2) What on earth do you think is to be gained in pointing out the obvious?
The suggestions you offer in fixing the universal reality of men being more keen on seeking out women online than the reverse, would basically bring this site in line with all the other (inferior, IMO) ABF sites. Would that really be a good thing?
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And then there’s the reply you made to Sind. She gave some general advice, expressed empathy for you, and offered good wishes in your search. And you threw it back in her face. Basically accused her of faking compassion for you, just because she mistakenly got the impression that you had been unsuccessful in finding an ABF partner here. An easy mistake to make, by the way, given the content of your messages in this thread up to that point.
You complained that she had “put words in your mouth” after literally (in the prior sentence) putting thoughts in her head by suggesting “I doubt you’d really be ‘sorry’”. Can you see your hypocrisy there?
What does your rudeness say about you? And what does the fact that you didn’t apologise for it, but rather doubled down, say about you?
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Do you not think posting a thread where you lament competition, and are then subsequently rude to a female member, is pretty counterproductive? If I were a female member reading this thread, I’d block you.
“1) Do you not realise this [male/female imbalance] is the case on virtually ALL dating/relationship sites?”
But you cannot compare this site with any regular dating/relationship sites. ABFH caters to what is – for almost all of its genuine members – a very personal, secret and deeply protected desire. Unlike regular dating sites, members here will have no one to turn to outside if things go wrong.
Due to this, the onus is on the site’s Admin to take all steps necessary to avoid anything going wrong… things like tentative new female members getting swamped by a tsunami of unwanted messages, many no doubt from males with ulterior motives. Then perhaps women like the overwhelmed one I gave as an example (and many more like her) might stay around a little longer, begin to feel it a more comfortable place to be in and the existing imbalance would be lessened.
“The suggestions… would basically bring this site in line with all the other (inferior, IMO) ABF sites. Would that really be a good thing?”
Would it be a good thing if your opinion of this site changed? It’d make no difference to me as I don’t know you – as I’m also not a mind reader I don’t know what makes other ABF sites inferior for you or why you’re against my suggestion that charging males a (say) $20 annual membership fee would weed out those who are only here hoping that the female members’ “titties just pop out automatically” (as Gigi so eloquently puts it above). Another measure which would positively redress the ever-worsening imbalance here and keep the site true-to-purpose for all its users. .
“And then there’s the reply you made to Sind…”
The member you refer to replied to me as if she was a representative of this site’s Admin. I therefore took her to have this authority (rather than being an equal member to me) and responded appropriately… being straightforward and frank but never rude. Had she bothered to ask me about my success rate first none of the subsequent attempts to imply I was a sore loser, my necessarily assertive defence of myself and my post and her unwelcome emoting would have taken place. If she has nothing more to do with the running of this site than I do I suggest she makes this perfectly clear in her future correspondences with members to avoid any similar misunderstandings and unpleasantness.
Its completely understandable she left after 5 days. The moment you are new to a site and people can message you, women get bombarded with messages.
Its also not easy for women to find someone. Quantity doesnt mean quality. The initial flood of messages rarely contains any serious attempt to make a connection. Lots of messages wanting pics, imnediately discussing your boobs ( have we met?).
One might expect it should be easy for women to find someone but it isnt ( it would be if a woman is only interested in sex and she isnt looking for a real connection. The moment women expect more commitment than a single suckle, there seems to be a problem. Connection needs more than the abf hobby.
Before you get at my throat: i am speaking in general.
Peter, I think there’s a legitimate conversation to be had about why so many more men than women join sites like this.
But I think you’re asking the wrong question.
You’re asking how the site can improve the odds for men.
I’m much more interested in why there are so few women.
Because “women are spoilt for choice” is doing an extraordinary amount of work here.🙄
Thirty men and three women does not mean each woman has ten desirable options. It means ten men are interested in her. Those are VERY different things.
Attention is not the same thing as choice.
And women aren’t standing around delighted by a fabulous marketplace of men, rubbing our hands together because the odds are in our favor. Some women barely participate. Some don’t answer messages. Some leave. Some have no intention of meeting anyone. Some are looking for something very specific and don’t find it either.
Which makes me wonder why, when faced with a 10:1 imbalance, the instinct is:
How do we make this work better for the men?
Rather than:
Why don’t more women want to be here?
That question might produce some uncomfortable answers, but I suspect they’d be far more useful.
And making women’s profiles visible to anyone on the internet seems like a particularly strange solution to attracting shy or privacy-conscious women to a site centered around an extremely private interest.
If anything, greater privacy and control over who can access me would make me more likely to participate, not less.
I have no objection to discussing membership fees, regional sections or ways to make connections easier.
But I think we need to stop treating women as the missing inventory required to make the male customer experience work.
We’re not.
And the “playing field” doesn’t need leveling simply because women have more people interested in us.
A woman having more options than a man is not an unfair advantage when she still doesn’t want the options she’s being offered.
Maybe instead of asking how to get more women onto the field, we should ask why so many of them apparently don’t want to play.
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