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I’m beginning to wonder if this site can realistically result in ‘dating and relationships’ for its male users. I’ve been regularly checking the ‘Newest’ tab recently and the male/female ratio of those signing up must be at least 10:1. And of all those the vast majority are American… which isn’t much use for those of us in the UK or elsewhere.
I’m based in London and I’d estimate that at any one period on ABF Heaven there will be about 30 London males hoping to make a connection with 3 or 4 actively looking London females. Obviously, there will be widespread disappointment due to this permanent imbalance.
I’ve no doubt that women will rush to defend the site, and why not… it is heavily weighted in their favour being so spoilt for choice. Why would they campaign for that to change?
With more and more men piling in weekly, it’s worth wondering if the site could be changed to level up the playing field a little bit… before it gets so completely male top heavy it all comes crashing down.
Perhaps the Admin could introduce a mandatory annual membership fee for male members and keep it free for females?
I’d also think about letting all profiles be viewed by non-members who would then need to sign up if they wanted to communicate. Other ABF sites generally work like this and it opens up the field for curious but shy females to browse what might be available without having to become visible.
Running the site territorially with separate areas for US, European and other regional members would help a lot too. Although this in itself wouldn’t address the extreme male/female imbalance.
I’ve often wondered about this, too. I’m sure every woman who posts something is inundated with responses and that might not always be a good thing. There are also women here who are only looking for women to connect with. I don’t know if free membership for women would help because it might just mean a lot of fake profiles from scammers. Thats a very common thing on adult dating sites that I’ve looked at before. There are no easy solutions but I agree that it’s a problem.
I was having a very enjoyable chat with a female new member on here a couple of weeks ago. After 3 days her profile was opened to all contact and she told me she was then bombarded with messages. After a day of this she said she was feeling totally overwhelmed so was closing her profile down and leaving.
The admin would like more women to sign up but for some reason many women don’t enjoy it and/or are uncomfortable with the idea of having to suckle an adult. You have suggested a few things like paid membership for males etc. I will let Michael address it if he chooses to do so. I am sorry that your experience with finding a woman has not been successful.. have you tried being active in the chat room or the audio cafe because women see that visibility very positively. What about starting a telegram group of UK or London based men and women ? I know something like this used to exist in Houston, Texas. You could even advertise on this site and get the word out regarding the way to register etc. I wish you the very best in your search and hope you don’t get too frustrated by your search and keep looking. Best of luck 🥰🌺🩷
There are indeed tools like who can contact me and the block tool that she could have used. I am sorry that she has deleted her account. When I was overwhelmed in the beginning there were a few users that helped me feel confident enough to navigate this site and then I got comfortable being on here. Having a profile pic is usually a big magnet for such kinds of messages but it does take a while to get comfortable etc.
I hardly think she would start blocking all the messages pouring in. The poor woman signed up on here innocently believing it would be a positive experience in which she might find an ABF partner. Instead, she had to cope with a feeding frenzy of messages which shocked her. The logical direction the site is travelling in will likely soon see a ratio of 100 active males for one active female. I really can’t see how it can function like that and provide users of either sex with a worthwhile experience.
Has worked great for me. 5+ years so far in a great ANR/ABF (dry for medical reasons). Guess I am lucky that there must be something in the water her in Wales where the ration is in my favour. Being willing to put in the leg work and do the traveling and running about helps. Seems to be a correlation of ladies that cannot drive and the desire for ABF/ANR (joking obviously, but over half of those i have met did not have a driving license).
“I am sorry that your experience with finding a woman has not been successful.”
I haven’t said my experience with finding a woman on here has not been successful (and I doubt you’d really be ‘sorry’ if that were the case). You’re putting words into my mouth. The observations I make are general.
Wow that was very much not needed so are you saying that you are upset for your fellow men on here ? And what do you mean by saying I doubt that you would be sorry if that were the case..? Can a human being not feel another’s pain and try to extend a word or a hand in supporting them? If that’s your opinion then I disagree because whenever anyone has reached out to me with a kind word of support I always felt good no matter what the situation was knowing that people cared. No matter c’est Le vie. The cute dogs on your profile pic didn’t warn me at all 🙂 🙂 that a reply would warrant a swipe at what I said. No worries will live and let live.
The complaint about imbalanced gender ratios is not unique to ABFHeaven. ALL online dating platforms are plagued by this, niche or no niche. I’m tired of hearing this lament! Did you never hear that human males are supposed to pursue, and the female is supposed to be pursued?
One of the best features of ABFH is that it’s free to join and use for both males and females. No “barrier to entry” makes ABFH different than every other ABF/ANR site out there, and this uniqueness makes it the most popular of them all. Yes, support the site by becoming “checkmark” verified, but charging one gender and not the other is frankly discriminatory. And instead of asking for “help” in eliminating competition, just man up and create a more appealing profile, and leave all those other guys with low-effort profiles in the dust (because, I assure you, the ABFH women will). Or figure out other ways to stand out and become more visible to the active women on here.
For most people (of both genders) finding an ANR/ABF partner is a long-term proposition that takes more time than we wish it would. Wishing it were different isn’t going to change reality.
I suggest to get around this that you distinguish yourself. Send a picture right away and don’t just pepper the person with questions about them and their breasts or with picture requests. I am not saying that that is what you did, but it can get very muddled. Make yourself stand out as a genuine person ready to be vulnerable and with serious intentions, patience, and understanding and you will likely have a different experience.
For some of them, yes. Others not so much.
There are some wonderful ladies on here that have become friends. On a rare occasion I have been lucky enough to meet a few of them.It’s simple really you just post personals every so often or message women, chat to the women, find out they are actually attached even though they are seeking “long term”, and repeat 🤗
Yes. You have to be willing to travel. Its a small community worldwide, so statistically, its impossible to find someone local. That’s the conclusion I cam to 🤷♂️
“Can a human being not feel another’s pain and try to extend a word or a hand in supporting them?”
Yes, a human being can do that. Just as a human being can assume pain where none exists, imply that pain (of being a ‘sore loser’) must be the motivation for writing a post about improving the site and then dollop out misdirected empathy as a stock response. Whoever’s pain you were ‘feeling’ it wasn’t mine.
You went on to respond in exactly the same way to my example of the overwhelmed woman who left after just 5 days, btw – rather than seriously address how timid new female members in unfamiliar territory might have a better initial experience on here than feeling they’re being devoured.
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