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This is a question that I have really struggled with since the beginning of being on here.
If it happened to me then most probably it has happened to you as well.
What bothers me about my response to inappropriate comments about my breast pictures is that it makes me not post or not show my breasts to users on this site.
It’s not a huge loss per se to not have my picture out there because there are other very very beautiful women on here who have these pics. So I am not bothered by that loss.
However I do wonder how it affects a site that is based on finding breast feeding partners to have women feel uncomfortable about showing their breasts in spicy chat, or in profile pics or in their media pictures because of inappropriate behavior from a few users?
We see these comments in spicy chat but how do they affect the women?
Has anyone ever wondered about these things before posting a comment?
Would a women really like to know that a stranger is getting off using their posted picture? Is that supposed to be a compliment to the woman? Why share that with her or publicly? What is the point of this behavior?
What if the roles were reversed and men had to hide parts of themselves how would that feel ?
Let me know your thoughts…
I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with that and no doubt other women have as well.
In regards to the spicy chat, I think some guys don’t quite know how spicy it’s supposed to get then let their excitement take it too far. Since it’s supposed to be the “sexually charged” environment, they’ll assume anything goes. And to be clear, I’m not making excuses for them or saying they should be given a pass. Just that I think sometimes they don’t necessarily know how much is too much maybe?
Either way, the discomfort is a reality and you shouldn’t be made to feel that way. I haven’t been on there in a long time but I feel like usually others are pretty decent and quick about calling it out when someone goes a step too far.
Just my thoughts on it.
I’m so sorry & I feel you. Some men don’t understand when they’ve crossed the line. It’s incredibly disturbing to be treated like an object instead of a person.
Hi Cass,
Was not just spicy chat behavior per se but direct message asking if it was ok to use my pic in that way ..points to some sort of knowledge on their part that it was prob not ok…This was in the first exchange we had so we are actually perfect strangers otherwise…so quite a conundrum..
I don’t mean to make too much out of it and at the same time I realized that this is a huge factor in my behavior over the years ..so it might be affecting others as well.
Therefore, its worth bringing it out to the light for discussion for that reason.
Thanks for being one of the wonderful people in this community. I am sure we are all not perfect and have naughty thoughts but isn’t it better to share these with someone you know will reciprocate or feels the same way is what I am trying to say…
@sind it is one thing to offer a compliment for example to you, Bobbi, Lola or Jessica. It is entirely different for someone to foist their fantasy upon seeing a bare or lightly covered bosom. That us inappropriate behavior.
First of all, I am so sorry you have to deal with that. To me, the human body is beautiful in whatever shape or form it comes in. and it should always be respected—even when someone is trying to say they find you beautiful.
Like Cass, I rarely visit spicy chat anymore. When I do leave a comment, I make sure it’s entirely respectful. I never view someone’s public post as an invitation to jump into their PMs. Words are incredibly powerful—they can either give someone a massive confidence boost or completely destroy it.
Some users definitely get over-excited and forget that this isn’t a porn site or FetLife. I completely understand why that behavior makes women think twice about sharing pictures. Of course, some women do enjoy knowing they elicit that kind of reaction, and that’s totally fine too—but consent and context matter.
I’ve been on the receiving end of the dark side of this, too. When I first joined, I posted in spicy chat because ladies expressed interest, but I was quickly body-shamed by other men. It completely wrecked my confidence. It’s a double standard, too; so many posts by men on here are immediately mocked with laughing emojis.
I think this deserves more conversation. Sharing a picture can feel playful and confident and still be vulnerable. I need to trust people will treat me with some consideration once I’ve put myself out there.
I enjoy being desired. But there’s a world of difference between making me feel desirable and making me wish I hadn’t posted. 😳
What bothers me is how the discomfort carries over. Next time you feel like posting, you hesitate. You’re now weighing whether a few minutes of fun are worth dealing with someone making you uncomfortable again. Meanwhile, people wonder why the women have gone quiet!🙄
And honestly, a heart or a like is such low-hanging fruit. If you enjoy what someone shares, a little appreciation (like at least clicking the ❤️👍🏻🌶️😮🤔 buttons) goes a long way. There’s plenty of room between silent consumption and announcing what you’re doing with your hand!
Please don’t discount your absence because other beautiful women are posting. They aren’t you! You deserve to enjoy yourself here without having to brace yourself for the response. ❤️
It happens and it is unfortunate. A code of conduct the length of the novel War and Peace could be presented for review and compliance prior to joining and the distasteful posts and comments would still be present. I wish it wasn’t so because the actions of a few ruin the otherwise great experience of meeting and talking with likeminded people on ABF Heaven.
Its a shame that you recieved such stupid messages and a few guys ruin it for everyone . Hopefully you know that most guys know how to be respectful and appreciate the pics that the ladies share in spicy chat.id suggest that you report those messages to michael and i hope he would remove those guys from the site!!
@sind Ahh I see, I misunderstood. Please forgive me. And again, very sorry that you have to deal with that. That’s completely inappropriate. A flirty photo should never be taken as an invitation for someone to then directly message you their graphic fantasies.
The unpleasant experience of having a stranger ask to see your breasts is commonplace.
As I made clear in my profile, breastfeeding (this includes photos) is something totally sexual for me and is reserved for the man who is in a relationship with me. I say a relationship, not promises of a date in the future.
Intimacy and trust is something that is built!
It would be the equivalent of asking for the account balance, asking for money from a stranger.
Without any bond, absolutely nothing!
Don’t confuse education with freedom!If you think you have such intimacy, that we have a commitment… then I can send my Wise account and the amount of my monthly expenses to pay!!! Because that is what I expect from My Man… exclusivity requires commitment!
That said, women who feel comfortable posting their beautiful, spiciest photos should do so without fear of what might happen!💃♥️
I truly feel for women on all ANR sites. An ANR is beautiful in every way, shape and form. Unfortunately many men cannot contain themselves when viewing the lovely photos shared by women on this site. Perhaps a Reader’s Digest version of a Code of Conduct (not the War & Peace version) would alleviate some of those inappropriate comments you women receive. Thank you for posting, because now I will be even more careful & conscientious when I compliment someone’s photo on this site!
Hear hear!!
@sind this is exactly the reason why i never post in spicy chat and uts also the reason why i changed my profile pic to a non- cleavage one.
Got significantly less creepy messages.Yesterday for Halloween i jokingly posted a cleavage one ( hardly visible, in the dark) and immediately that kind of messages started to pop up in my dm. So i knew right away why i stopped doing that again.
Lots of nice men here, but still a group that want to see free tots and jerk off.
Its funny. I once adressed this and was told off in chatroom for doing so. Its really helpful when we support each other.
And gentlemen: you can do something too. When you notice disrespectful reactions in spicy chat, please say something. We discussed safety in Lol’a post recently and the big question was: do you DO something a out it when it happens? Are we able to create an environment where women can feel safe to post?
Would be much more fun for you too!Sorry you had to deal with this!
I really do not understand why that cant of men doent understand what they are causing.
By posting we are not ‘asking for it’. Turning female sexuality into something dirty doesnt only make women feel bad, it makes us less willing to play and flirt cause its simply not safe.
It means a lot less fun for both when women are judged and cant feel free.Last remark: we are all enabling this when we are not doing something about it visibly.
We often keep things under the carpet. Not adress it immediately in the chat but talk about it offscreen. Its up to all of us to create a different atmosphere. So what are we going to do? Any ideas? I am in!
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