Decorum in the DMs

Personal Ads & Forum General Discussion Decorum in the DMs

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #678462
    Milky Goddess
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Texas

    My DMs have been popping — and not in a good way.

    Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely): we are in the age of social media, texting, and online dating. It’s time to gain some electronic etiquette.
    Let’s review, shall we?

    • Unsolicited dick pics are the digital equivalent of flashing someone. That’s not bold. That’s not sexy. That’s a block.

    • Repeated messages with no response can very quickly cross into harassment. Silence is an answer.

    • “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Yes, I’m on an ABF dating site. Yes, attraction is part of the deal. Decorum still applies. You’ll catch more bees with honey than whatever feral opener you just typed.

    • READ THE PROFILE. If I say I’m not looking for casual, why are you in my DMs pitching casual? Did you not read… or can you not read?

    • And finally — “I wish you were in [insert far-off state or continent].” My brother in breast milk… why did you waste both of our time with that message?

    All this to say: we need to bring back shame. Not cruelty — standards. Social awareness. Self-respect.

    This has been my rant. Do better.

    #678485
    Michael_Admin
    Keymaster
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    The first two items in your list are certainly reason to report it to admin (with screenshots).

    Unsolicited explicit picture – immediately account deletion.
    Multiple pestering messages – warning first, then deletion.

    #678488
    fix it man
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • South Dakota

    Well said Milky Goddess

    #678496
    Ed Rester
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    It is sad to read this MG, especially from someone with the depth of humanity and community spirit that you have. You contribute so much to this website and it is upsetting and annoying to think that you receive so much abuse. I hope that you report the violators and that Michael deals with them.

    #678497
    Luca
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • Italy

    On the internet, many people seem to forget that behind the pixels there are real people.

    #678516
    K
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Idaho

    Also when it comes to etiquette there is more to a person than what happens in the bedroom. There is more to life than sex and wanting to ride a person. I don’t care! I want to know the person not their sexual desires and fantasies.

    #678700
    The Way
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • New York

    sorry that you have to put up with these type of messages, but hope things will improve.

    #678839
    Brian
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • Canada

    Sorry you’ve had to put up with this. It’s sad to say but common sense isn’t so common anymore. If you wouldn’t say it in public than don’t send it in a message to a perfect stranger. Reading profiles usually gives a decent indication of what someone is looking for.

    #678975
    Roger
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • California

    It’s sad but true, I hear this complaint on every single platform where men are looking for women, it’s the general behavior across the board.

    I send messages to introduce and send just a normal g rated pic. I still hardly ever get a response but I’m sure women get like a ton of messages a day.

    #678983
    Kittykat
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • Other Country

    I couldn’t agree more.

    #679115
    Kelly
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • California

    Love everything you wrote! So well said and I agree 100%!!!

    #679154
    Jibbysheaven
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • California

    So well said.

    #679191
    Qualitydrink 😎☕️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Proud of you MG. We are all adults, this is no game, it’s certainly not poxy fantasy either. It’s real, real people send the messages. The good, the bad and the deleted.

    #679196
    D.J.
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA

    Well said.

    #679332
    Welshie🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • United Kingdom

    The worst ones for me are the people who appear to be all sweetness and light in main areas of the site. Then turn into love bombing, harassing, disingenuous people in messages. Messaging multiple women at the same time and subjecting them all to the same awful treatment, while trying to stay popular in the main areas so they find new unsuspecting prey when they’re found out along the way…..

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