Christmas celebrations like decorating with holly, putting up Christmas trees, and kissing under the mistletoe are rooted in ancient fertility rituals. These are all symbolic acts to celebrate the fertility of the earth and the approach of the sowing season. However, amidst the festive glow and celebratory gatherings, this season also casts a shadow of loneliness for many, making it a challenging time for those without a partner. The juxtaposition of vibrant togetherness and personal solitude can stir deep emotions, especially when it comes to matters of sexuality, desire, and intimacy.
Why Christmas is Really All About Sex
For centuries, fertility and abundance have been central to winter solstice celebrations, which predate modern Christmas traditions. Holly—with its red berries symbolising vitality—and mistletoe—a plant with ancient associations to fertility and love—have always carried sensual undertones. Mistletoe and its collection, part of pagan tradition steeped in fertility and sensuality, transformed over time into the custom of kissing under the mistletoe. This sacred plant was revered by ancient Celtic Druids, not just for its alleged ability to cure ailments but for its reputation as a potent fertility charm. Ground into potions, mistletoe was consumed to help couples conceive, and in Italy, women carried sprigs of it to ensure their own vitality and fecundity. But why does this parasitic, tree-clinging plant hold such erotic symbolism? As an evergreen, mistletoe’s defiance of winter’s decay naturally tied it to ideas of enduring life and renewal. Yet, the real spark for its sensual associations lies in its white berries. These small orbs were thought to resemble testicles, while the sticky white juice they exude—affectionately dubbed ‘oak sperm’—added to its risqué reputation. For the Druids, the act of harvesting mistletoe was steeped in ritual, symbolising a ceremonial castration, performed with utmost reverence. Our quaint kissing custom today is a faint echo of Pagan penis worship. What we’re actually kissing under is a symbolic bunch of druid baubles.
Around the world, Christmas traditions often intertwine with themes of fertility and romance, though in less overtly testicular ways. In Poland, intricate straw and eggshell decorations called pająki were believed to boost fertility, while in Belarus, a cockerel picking corn at a woman’s feet predicted her marriage prospects. Across Scandinavia, finding an almond in rice pudding promised marriage within a year, while Slovakian women baked their crush’s name into dumplings as a playful love spell. Meanwhile, single Czech women used shoe-tossing to divine their romantic futures, and in Greenland, old Inuit solstice traditions included swapping partners in a celebration of renewal and unity. Though Christian missionaries suppressed the more carnal elements of these festivities, echoes of their romantic roots remain in modern customs.
These symbols invite us to reflect on our desires, our bodies, and our connections with others. But what if you’re navigating this season alone? How can you tap into the sensuality of the season while fostering a healthy relationship with your own desires?
Embracing Self-Pleasure and Manifestation
Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and author who explores the intricacies of desire and relationships, often highlights the importance of self-connection:
“Eroticism is not just about sex; it is about the vitality and aliveness that makes us feel connected to ourselves and the world,” she explains. For those without a partner, “this season can be an opportunity to cultivate that connection inwardly”.
– Esther Perel, Belgian-American relationships psychotherapist
Self-pleasure, when approached mindfully, can be a profound act of self-care and empowerment. Rather than viewing it solely as a release, consider it a way to channel your energy into manifestation and self-fulfillment. Engage with your senses fully—light candles, play music, and create a space that celebrates your body’s unique rhythms. Instead of turning to pornography, which can sometimes desensitize the mind and disconnect you from authentic sensations, use this time to explore your fantasies, honor your desires, and imagine positive outcomes for your future. Think of this energy as a resource—one that can be directed towards setting intentions and wishing good for yourself and others.
The Duality of Desire During the Holidays
The holiday season amplifies longing—for connection, for love, and often for something more profound than fleeting encounters. While the symbols of Christmas may evoke sensuality and abundance, modern celebrations also carry a paradoxical pressure. “Holidays can be a magnifying glass for our desires and discontents,” says Perel. They remind us of what we have, what we lack, and what we secretly yearn for. For those in relationships, this time of year can be both a celebration and a test. Heightened emotions, family dynamics, and societal expectations often bring hidden tensions to the surface. Some may find themselves seeking an escape from routine—a spark that reignites desire or fills a perceived void. This is why the holidays are, unfortunately, also a peak season for infidelity. As Perel notes in her exploration of cheating: “Affairs are not so much about sex as they are about desire: the desire for novelty, for attention, for a new self.” Understanding this can be a reminder to approach relationships with empathy and openness, especially during emotionally charged times. If you’re partnered, use this season as a chance to rekindle connection—not by forcing grand gestures, but by nurturing small, meaningful moments of intimacy. I have included a special Ted Talk by Perel relevant to cheating but this interview with Matthew Hussey is also key and I highly recommend her book Mating in Captivity; click here to see a talk she gave relevant to her book.
Navigating Loneliness with Compassion
For those feeling the pang of loneliness during this season, the temptation to succumb to sadness or self-criticism can be overwhelming. However, this can also be a powerful time for self-discovery. Instead of framing your solitude as a deficiency, see it as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with yourself. Explore practices like journaling about your desires, engaging in sensual movement or dance, or even experimenting with creative outlets like painting or poetry to express your inner longings. One particularly enriching practice is the act of wishing well for others. The energy of desire, when redirected into gratitude and kindness, can be transformative. Send thoughts of warmth and love to friends, family, and even strangers.
Another ritual inspired by ancient traditions, Tantric practices, and the art of sex magick involves harnessing the potent energy of orgasm for creation and manifestation. Rather than simply releasing and dissipating this energy, you can channel it intentionally, using it as a powerful force to send healing vibrations into the universe or to manifest your deepest desires. A simple sex magic ritual unfolds in three transformative steps: crafting a sigil, focusing your energy during self-pleasure, and releasing it with purposeful intent. Start by writing down your desire in a clear, affirmative statement (e.g., “I attract abundance”), then convert it into a sigil by removing repeated letters and merging the remaining ones into a unique, symbolic design. Place this sigil in your view as you begin. As you engage in self-pleasure (or sex with your partner note the energy of two is always more powerful than one), hold your intention vividly in mind, visualizing your desired outcome as though it has already been achieved. When you climax, direct the surge of energy into the sigil, imagining it radiating with your wish’s power and coming alive. Finally, release attachment to the outcome, trusting that this sacred energy will weave your intention into reality. I’ll add that if you are engaging in ABF or lactating which was once considered sacred, you could include it as part of your ritual as milk was believed to be the most magical of all fluids, being a historic cure-all drunk since the time of the pharaohs in ancient Egypt and seen as the Elixir of life that promised resurrection. Egyptian goddesses Isis, Hathor and even the Celtic goddess Brigid are all ancient mothers, priestesses and goddesses of breast milk and adult nursing, so you may want to invoke them in some way. However, when setting an intention or engaging in magick, never ever go against freewill or attempt any type of manipulative magick, as this violates universal laws and ethical boundaries. Such actions can disrupt the natural balance and may result in unintended consequences, often reflecting back on the practitioner threefold. Instead, align your intentions with positivity, mutual respect, and the greater good, ensuring that your manifestations honour both your desires and the freewill of others.
Fertility, Sexuality, and the Human Spirit
The fertility rituals of old were not merely about procreation; they were celebrations of life’s generative power—a reminder that creativity, connection, and vitality are inherently linked. Today, we can reinterpret these traditions to honour our own capacity for growth and renewal. Whether partnered or alone, this season invites us to embrace our desires as a source of strength and inspiration.
In the words of Esther Perel, “Desire is the expression of our aliveness. It is the human spirit’s longing to transcend and connect.” As the year draws to a close and the world prepares to sow seeds for the future, let’s use this time to cultivate connection—not only with others but with the most sensual and creative parts of ourselves. Whether through self-love, meaningful relationships, or acts of kindness, may this season be a celebration of all that makes us vibrant, whole, and gloriously human.
Whatever you do, make sure to spread the love this Xmas all ways, as for many people your actions could make the world of difference. I will be having some quiet family time I hope, catching up on my research and studies, and cuddling my cat. As Charles Dickens once said, “What greater gift than the love of a cat…”.
Wishing you all a very merry xmas and happy new year, Elayne X
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Elayne (Sophia Unveiled)
As tomorrow is the Winter Solstice and I wrote of Druids and Mistletoe, sharing this relevant link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritual_of_oak_and_mistletoe
Wonderful Article that not tell about the physical, but internal connection with intimacy.
Keep it up Sophia..!!
Thank you so much for reading and your kind comment, wishing you a very merry xmas!