Throughout history, independent, powerful and confident women have often been cast as witches and prostitutes, their power and autonomy threatening the very fabric of patriarchal society. These trailblazing women, free from the shackles of male control, have always posed a challenge to a system built on the denial of men’s dependence on women. Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott insightfully noted that this denial is the origin of men’s fear of women—fear of the sacred, the sexual, and the powerful feminine that can create life and command her own destiny.
“This taboo is not the prohibition against incest. It is the prohibition of an elemental truth of patriarchy: that for this familial, social and cultural system of power and dominance to function, there has to be a denial of the dependence of men on the care given to them by women – that dependence, is the origin of men’s fear of women”.
– Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott
From the ancient temples where priestesses performed sacred rituals to the women of more recent history, patriarchal societies have sought to diminish their power by tarnishing their reputations. The Greek historian Herodotus, for example, misunderstood the sacred practices of hieros gamos—ritual sexual union with a deity —as mere temple prostitution. In truth, these rituals were a celebration of the divine feminine and her connection to the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. Yet, these women, who held spiritual and sexual power, were reduced in the annals of history to the role of prostitutes—lesser beings defined by their sexual availability rather than their spiritual authority.
Mary Magdalene is perhaps the most famous example of a powerful woman whose legacy was tainted by patriarchal forces. Often misrepresented as a repentant prostitute (we owe this to Pope Gregory the not so great), Mary was, in reality, a woman of means, independence, and deep spiritual significance. She was a follower of Jesus and possibly his wife, a teacher, and a figure of profound reverence. She was also a central figure in Gnostic Christian writings, including the Dialogue of the Savior, the Pistis Sophia, the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Philip, and the Gospel of Mary. These texts portray her as an apostle, as Jesus’s closest and most beloved disciple and the only one who truly understood his teachings. Yet history has attempted to diminish her to a figure of sin and sexual shame. This was a deliberate effort to control the narrative, to ensure that a woman who did not belong to any man, who did not submit to male authority, would be remembered not for her contributions but for a fabricated stain on her character.
Similarly, Cleopatra, the last Pharaoh of Egypt, was a woman of immense political power, intelligence, and allure. Cleopatra’s relationship with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony has often overshadowed her astute political manoeuvring, with history focusing more on her sexuality than her sovereignty. The ancient world could not comprehend a woman who ruled without male oversight, so Cleopatra was often reduced to a seductress whore rather than a sovereign, her power diluted by the emphasis on her romantic liaisons.
Joan of Arc, another formidable woman, was a young maiden who led the French army to several significant victories during the Hundred Years’ War. Despite her piety and devotion, her refusal to conform to gender norms made her a target. Joan dressed in male armour, led men into battle, and claimed divine guidance—all acts that defied the rigid gender roles of her time. Her eventual execution as a witch was a stark reminder of how patriarchal society reacts to women who refuse to be subdued and she was burned at the stake in Rouen.
Even in the stories of Helen, wife of Simon Magus believed to be the incarnation of Helen of Troy and “found” in a brothel, and Hypatia of Alexandria (the Neoplatonist philosopher and mathematician in the movie clip from Agora who shares her love for Sophia, as that is what Philosophy means), we see how independent women have been systematically vilified. Helen, seen as a divine figure in the Gnostic tradition, who was believed t be the reincarnation of Helen of Troy but also incarnation of Gnostic “Sophia”, was reduced to little more than a concubine in historical accounts, while Hypatia, a philosopher and mathematician, was murdered by a Christian mob that feared her influence and intellect.
This taboo against independent women is deeply ingrained in the fabric of patriarchal society, I have been experiencing it myself especially in rural Ireland but also even in in my interactions in the ABF community. It is not merely about control over women’s bodies but a deeper fear of the sacred feminine—a force too powerful, too mysterious, too uncontrollable for a society built on male dominance and perhaps, ultimately as “the fear of actually depending on women” as stated by Donald Winnicott. In each of these women, history reveals not just a narrative of repression but a testament to the enduring power of feminine autonomy, a force that has always existed and will continue to rise despite the shackles of history’s distortions.
“Gentileschi’s Roman Charity is different. Pero, large, protective and clad in the regal blue of the Madonna, calmly scans the darkness surrounding them, while her chained old father, naked from the waist up, feeds. The artist has banished the voyeur-guards, so brilliantly rendered in Susanna and the Elders, from the scene. Instead, there is urgency and defiance in this woman giving a life-saving and subversive gift to her father, and Pero is not ashamed. Like Gentileschi’s Judith, Pero is in charge of what she is doing. Like Judith, she holds the power of life and death over a man – but, in this scene, she gives life, not death. To save him, Pero gives of her own body, but for him to live he must regress to the position of infant. Emasculation is the price of his salvation.”
Read more in the essay on “Roman Charity (Caritas) – a woman’s filial debt to society” here.
Elayne (Sophia Unveiled)
This is a wonderful read, thank you 🤗
Thank you so much Jessica! I really appreciate you taking a look and posting a comment. I will state for the men here that I am not a feminist (neither is the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicot) and that my views are that while men and women are different, they deserve equal rights and treatment and SHOULD work together. There should be balance.
I know this was a bold post by me, but I am constantly dealing with men who are intimidated by me and can relate to the women I mention very much; sadly, society, in general, does fear women who are independent, powerful, and confident and tends to demonise them. I’d love for the witch hunts to end. Make love not war, how right were the hippies! 😉
Have you ever read the book The Great Cosmic Mother? i learned a lot from it. It really helped me to understand the relationship a lot of men have with women.
i come from a culture that prioritizes sovereignty for everyone alike and so i am difficult for a lot of men from America to tolerate.
i think that’s why i gravitate towards Abf relationships because they are typically softer and i enjoy men who are capable of being nurturing and nurtured.
There’s much less friction all the way around 🌀
Well written, you can add/Quote more from the Asian History as well. As how feminine powers be worshipped. And when males can’t handle them, they started demeaning them.
Thank you for this, I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment, and totally agree. I’ve just begun an MA in Public History and Cultural Heritage so I will definitely be speaking about this topic in all that I do. I am interested in giving a voice to the voiceless and women, the feminine and sacred sexuality have been vilified since the male deities and patriarchy took over. Toxic femininity is also the other extreme, and I’m all about bringing back the balance between the masculine and feminine. Humans were created in the image of the creator, which for me, embodies both masculine and feminine aspects, therefore we should work together in the place we live. We have been at war since…and men and women are suffering; the world’s soul has been lost and it will only return once we learn to live together in harmony and balance. I aim to do whatever I can to help this, the world needs it, we need it…
“Just as places where the goddess was worshipped became sites for Christian churches, so too were her symbols taken over. Before becoming Mary’s symbol, for instance, the open red rose was associated with Aphrodite and represented mature sexuality. At Chartres, which is dedicated to the Virgin Mary, roses abound. Light streams through three enormous and beautiful stained glass rose windows, and a symbolic rose is at the center of the labyrinth. The path of the labyrinth is exactly 666 feet long. Six hundred sixty-six, according to Barbara Walker, was Aphrodite’s sacred number. In Christian theology it became a demonic one.”
― Jean Shinoda Bolen, Crossing to Avalon: A Woman’s Midlife Quest for the Sacred Feminine
I love this writing. I agree that strong women are often demonized and feared by many men. I for one WANT a strong woman in my life. A true ANR relationship has a mutual need for each other. A woman’s need to have her milk suckled out and a man’s need to be at her breasts. For me that is a VERY powerful urge. I want to in some ways be under her control. To give myself entirely to her and the process. And for her to give herself to me and the process. It is a very powerful attraction that transcends sexuality (in spite of eroticism playing such a large role) and crosses over almost into symbiosis. We need each other to survive. To get to that point we as men have to be willing to give ourselves to our partner. For many men that is inconceivable. To me it would be bliss.
Thanks again for your writings…it was very enlightening and encouraging to hear.
Wow thank you so much for that really lovely detailed comment and such positive feedback. You reminded me of Anais Nin in male form and that is a compliment!
I feel there is a valuable message here, I am bold I know, a little gutsy to put this post out but I hoped to find the delicate balance between speaking a truth and hurling accusations at men in general as really there are many wonderful men out there and we women need you to be strong and fight for what is right. That for me is the divine masculine and I believe in both men and women working together to achieve happiness and not in a world where women overthrow the patriarchy as that would also be a mistake.
Thank you, this message really warmed my heart and really makes me feel that all the work I am putting out in doing this blog and in general with sacred sexuality for men and women, is worth it. I used to coach tantra and intimacy years ago but stopped due to people crossing boundaries and life. However I feel the need more than ever now as many people are in loveless and passionless marriages or alone, to bring back “Sophia”. In the words of two fellow Jungians I admire:
“There is a potential heroine in every woman. women in the world will have been beaten or raped in their lifetime and everyday violence requires that women always be alert to this possibility. A crone is a woman who has found her voice.” Jean Shinoda Bolen
Note, there is a potential hero in all men too!
“Fortunately, no matter how many times she is pushed down, she bounds up again. No matter how many times she is forbidden, quelled, cut back, diluted, tortured, touted as unsafe, dangerous, mad, and other derogations, she emanates upward in women, so that even the most quiet, even the most restrained woman keeps a secret place for Wild Woman, Even the more repressed woman has a secret life, with secret thoughts and secret feelings which are lush and wild, that is, natural. Even the most captured woman guards the place of the wildish self, for she knows intuitively that someday there will be a loophole, an aperture, a chance, and she will hightail it to escape.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype
https://jackikellum.com/women-who-run-with-the-wolves-quotes/
This was a wonderful, thought provoking read. Thank you!
Thank you, I am hoping to stir something in all of you…perhaps ruffle a few feathers, but definitely draw your attention. I think men and women have had a lot taken from us…and this to me, after having done considerable research the past 2 years, is THE main reason why ABF isn’t talked about or seen more positively but actually also research on women’s sexuality and bodies in that context…it seems nothing much has been done since the 60s…(and I don’t believe it is down to a lack of interest…)
What a fascinating read, with some quite shocking revelations to consider! I myself have always felt there’s been an unfair difference between men and women, from things such as clothing and traditional work roles to general rights. But I never imagined that this bias against equality, or specifically women taking the lead, went so far as for history to overwrite the contributions of significant figures.
I thoroughly agree with your viewpoint, that women should be accepted and respected in much more equal terms to men, if not revered for their undeniable feminine powers that many of us depend upon. Having experienced ABF myself to a degree, I can testify to how that bodily and spiritual gift can really strengthen even the strongest willed of us, in a way that no other medicinal force can match. And there’s no doubt that the female body and mind is no less capable of physical tasks or leadership than any male individual. If only society would learn to admit and appreciate that fact, perhaps the world would be a much better place.
Many thanks for posting this, madam. An important topic, and brought to life by a talented writer.
Really lovely to wake up to all these comments and to people reading my writing and appreciating the message! That is a gift. Every time I write, I feel like I am sending a message, lovingly created, but inside a bottle and out to sea. I have no idea if it will ever be read, accepted or even welcomed but I do it anyway, because I do want to draw attention to important things and do have a message to deliver.
It means the world to me that more of you are taking the time to read my work and either reaching out to me privately or leaving me comments here, which encourage others to read but also share your very valuable view points. In the Norse Tradition, Odin the All-father speaks about wisdom being birthed when men get together and speak. I totally believe in that and in having great discussions, so thank you very much all who take the time to share your thoughts as it helps all of us and we can all learn so much from each other, myself included. I really appreciate the kind words and compliments on my writing too, because I do indeed “bleed” all over these virtual pages in the hope that some of my blood 😉 will be noticed.
I really enjoyed this post. Also, philosophy = philo Sophia 🤯
Indeed, the word “philosophy” comes from the Greek roots philo- meaning “love” and sophia meaning “wisdom,” thus translating to “the love of wisdom.”
And philosophy, at its core, is a passionate pursuit of truth—a love affair with wisdom itself. In this journey, we meet Sophia, the divine embodiment of wisdom in Gnostic tradition (this blog is named after her). She is the eternal muse, the guiding star whose light pierces through the illusions of the world. To fall in love with Sophia is to embrace the sacred yearning for deeper knowledge, a connection to the mysteries that lie beyond the surface of reality. This love is not intellectual alone, but an intimate dance with the essence of the universe, inviting us to awaken to higher truths. When we let Sophia be our compass, her whispers lead us inward, teaching us to see beyond dualities, to cultivate a life of meaning, and to align our hearts with a cosmic purpose. In loving her, we love the deepest parts of ourselves and the world, transforming our lives with clarity, purpose, and a profound sense of peace.
I hope I get all of you to fall in love with Sophia, as men and women of ancient times… 😉 Thank you for your comments and reading this!
A very insightful post and read. Love all the comments too.
I hope you’re not writing all of this on your phone 😅. My thumbs would wear out.
Thank you, I appreciate this and I agree the comments and discussion on this post are truly valuable and a source of wisdom from all of you.
As for writing, like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City (without a Mr Big), I am most often writing from bed or my writers’ chair (I shall upload a photo) in the Blog Discussion thread to this blog. But I do often make notes on my phone or even better a little notebook I carry with me, of things that move me and write about those things and people I meet in everyday life; those are often precious moments. So watch out, as at some point you may all find yourselves in my writing 😉
Have a great day all of you, you’ve all made my Friday! New post out soon and I’ll be live next Wednesday at 9 pm ET on the live audio chat (at an unspeakable hour for me in Ireland).
Fiercely love this post. Thank you 🙏
Pink thank you so much for this comment which has made my afternoon! Love and goddess energies your way x
I’ve identified with Hypatia since I was very little and have always assumed her written works were lost in the Alexandria library burning. Really glad to see her mentioned. Secret Teachings of All Ages has an extensive chapter on her, I believe.
Treasure Chest thank you, Hypatia is dear to me too…her works were lost but her ideas were collected in some manuscripts and texts so live on. also always identified with her in many ways and now the work that I do is very similar to what she did, as I initiate others into Philosophy. What happened to her and the library still hurts. Not sure if you knew St Catherine was identified with her in medieval times? It was one of the many reasons St Catherine was dear to the Knights Templar who also stood relentlessly by their beliefs and used the “Catherine wheel” on which she was tortured as a medieval graffiti signature in many of their old sites. It may be a coincidence but now I feel it isn’t, that I chose that name as my confirmation name though I am no longer in the Catholic Church. I am glad to see you read Manly P. Hall 😉 I do love his work…you are well-read friend!