From Secret Sin to Self-Love: The Liberation of Masturbation and Sexual Well-being

Masturbation, a deeply personal act, has journeyed through centuries of stigma and suppression to emerge as a celebrated aspect of human sexuality. What was once condemned as a grave sin is now recognised as a healthy expression of self-love and intimacy, bridging the gap between personal well-being and relational fulfillment. While sharing my personal story is something quite daring, and something I never thought I’d do publicly, I invite you to explore this transformation.

From Sin to Stigma: Historical Roots

For centuries, masturbation bore the weight of religious condemnation, often misinterpreted through the lens of Genesis 38:7-10 and the story of Onan. Labelled the “secret sin,” it was viewed as dangerous to humanity, officially condemned by Pope Leo IX in 1054. The medieval era amplified these attitudes, intertwining religious dogma with pseudoscience. Masturbation was vilified as unnatural, murderous, and the cause of myriad ailments—from insanity to neurasthenia; similarly to women who experienced sexual pleasure and expressed this, and who until not long ago, were institutionalised in asylums under the guise of treating “hysteria,” a nebulous diagnosis that pathologized female desire. The 19th century saw doctors prescribing clitoridectomies or what is today known and sadly still practiced in many parts of the world as Female genital mutilation (FGM) to “cure” women of their sensual appetites, while the witch trials of early modern Europe burned and drowned those accused of carnal congress with the devil—often simply for embracing their bodies outside the rigid confines of patriarchy. Even in the 20th century, women who defied sexual norms faced public shaming, forced sterilizations, and punitive lobotomies, their pleasure deemed a threat to the moral fabric of society. I live in a Catholic country where sacred sexuality is shunned, where desire is cloaked in sin, and where even the mere act of working with sexual energy—like Tantra or Kundalini—can provoke threats of excommunication. Here, women speak of their longing and shame in hushed whispers, their deepest cravings confessed only when no one is looking. I’ve learned to tread carefully in my work, but even in my personal life, I have been punished—branded a nymphomaniac by past lovers simply for embracing my pleasure as freely as a man. To me, sex is the most intimate expression of love, a language of devotion spoken through skin and breath. I’ve never understood those who use it as a weapon, withholding touch as a form of control, or worse—abandoning it entirely, letting passion wither into silence.

This hostility was rooted in the belief that sex was solely for procreation, a narrative championed by figures like Augustine and Aquinas. Semen was revered as “sacred fluid,” equating its loss with homicide. By the Renaissance and Victorian periods, societal fear of masturbation reached a fever pitch. From accusations of demonic possession to medical myths about its harmful effects, masturbation became a focal point of repression. While I do not merely advocate for masturbation, I champion self-pleasure as an act of self-love—an intimate ritual not just of personal fulfillment but of cosmic restoration. Through a lens both ancient and revolutionary, I see it as a means to elevate the world’s vibration, to breathe life back into its withering soul. This is not mere indulgence; it is the awakening of kundalini—the sacred feminine creation energy—aligned with US psychiatrist James Hillman’s vision that the world has lost its anima mundi, the world soul, which needs to be restored and that we are living in a soul-less society, as in his key work “Anima Mundi: The Return of the Soul to the World“. It is the fire woven through the Chaldean Oracles, the essence of goddess Hekate as the mother archetype, embodied by awakened women reclaiming their power. In this light, self-pleasure is no sin but a sacred act—one that defies lingering, irrational fears of self-love and its potency, fears that stubbornly persist even in our modern age; a Christian author is warning women that “masturbation is a direct path to Satan” which doesn’t surprise me as all religions have always been about controlling a woman’s sexuality, so as an awakened woman, I am happy to confirm that indeed maybe I am on a “highway to hell” but also the road that leads to well-being, deep healing and resurrection:

“And the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating. And once that demon attaches, it is difficult to get it to leave. It will drive you to masturbate, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be hit with urges to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm will allow you some temporary relief”.

– Christian Author Mack Major

The Shift Toward Acceptance

The tides began to turn in the early 20th century, with thinkers like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung challenging these entrenched views. Freud emphasised the psychological benefits of sexual expression, including masturbation, while Michel Foucault critiqued the cultural and institutional control of sexuality. These pioneers paved the way for a more nuanced understanding, dismantling centuries of fear and shame.

Esther Perel, a contemporary voice in sexual psychology, highlights masturbation’s role in fostering healthy relationships. She argues that it can be a tool for self-exploration, enhancing intimacy when shared between partners. Masturbation, she suggests, can bridge the gap between individual and collective pleasure, whether as foreplay or a means of understanding one’s desires.

Masturbation and Well-being

Modern science and psychology confirm masturbation’s positive impact on mental and physical health. It reduces stress, promotes better sleep, and fosters a deeper connection with one’s body. For women, it aids in understanding sexual preferences, while for men, it can improve stamina and emotional regulation. Couples who integrate mutual masturbation into their intimacy often report enhanced communication and satisfaction.

Yet, balance is key. Overindulgence can lead to dependency, detracting from real-world connections. Excessive masturbation, particularly when combined with frequent pornography use, can also lead to issues such as desensitisation, difficulty achieving arousal with real-life partners which has been the key issue in most of my male consultations, and reduced motivation or energy levels. The concept of semen retention, while not universally supported in the medical community, associated by some with increased vitality and focus, particularly in traditional or holistic practices, can prove useful just like fasting can help re-set the body. Medically, moderation is key; over-masturbation may result in temporary fatigue or decreased productivity, but no severe health risks are typically linked when it is balanced. To engage in healthy masturbation, focus on being present with your sensations rather than relying on external stimuli like pornography. This could involve mindfulness practices, exploring your body’s natural responses, and using it as a tool for self-discovery rather than a compulsive habit. Establish boundaries and ensure it complements your life rather than detracting from real-world connections and pursuits. The goal is integration: embracing masturbation as a complement to holistic sexual health rather than an isolated act.

Women’s masturbation practices today are more openly discussed and celebrated than in the past, but many still grapple with lingering shame rooted in societal and cultural stigmas. I will confess that due to my Catholic upbringing, I struggled with intimacy in relationships for a good part of my life and had never touched myself until I was 34. This repression often stems from historical narratives that prioritised male pleasure while silencing female sexuality and demonising the sexuality of their bodies when goddesses were dethroned and the patriarchy took over, leaving women with a sense of guilt or embarrassment about exploring their bodies. However, the growing dialogue around female empowerment, wellness, and self-love is shifting these paradigms. Overcoming this shame involves normalising self-pleasure as a healthy part of sexuality. Women can start by educating themselves about their anatomy, engaging in open conversations with trusted peers, partners or mentors, and embracing practices like mindfulness and self-compassion. Viewing masturbation as an act of self-care, rather than something taboo, allows women to reclaim agency over their sexuality and enjoy the physical and emotional benefits it offers. When self-pleasure is infused with love—whether the tender devotion of self-love, the shared intimacy of mutual pleasure with our soul mate, or even a profound love for the world—that is when the true alchemy begins. Kundalini, the serpent coiled at the base of our spine, stirs to life, rising not only for manifestation or sex magick—though it is among the most potent energies we can harness—but also as a force of healing, capable of touching others and even the soul of the world itself.

Every Friday, the day sacred to Freyja, Norse goddess of love, war, and magic, I honor this power in a ritual of healing. Through mindful, awakened masturbation, I raise kundalini—not for mere release, not for indulgence, but as a sacred offering. The goal is not climax for its own sake but the conscious direction of this divine life-force energy—the very breath of the Goddess, the feminine essence of creation—into the world, sending waves of love and restoration to those in need, to the weary, and to heal the world’s aching soul.

A Celebration of Sexual Wellness

Today, masturbation is no longer hidden in the shadows—it’s a powerful expression of personal freedom and well-being, marking the evolution from repression to self-acceptance. Recognizing its benefits, both individually and in relationships, allows us to honour the journey of sexuality as a celebration rather than a taboo. If you’re ready to explore this essential aspect of self-care in a safe, supportive space, I invite you to take the next step by educating yourself on this matter and acknowledging your sexual side. In addition, as a qualified professional I can help you address any feelings of anxiety or shame and uncover the deeper connections between your sexuality and overall well-being and relevant to ABF and any intimacy issues in your relationships or with partners. Let’s break through the barriers holding you back—feel free to check out my paid Patreon memberships or enquire about a professional consultation and begin the path toward embracing your full, authentic self.

Contact me:
 Elayne (Sophia Unveiled) 

If you like my work, I'd really appreciate it if you could support me on My Patreon where you can access exclusive content including live events, training, glimpses of my life & photos, and much more!