Your perspectives

[Edward]

Hi all, I’m making this thread to ask for your perspectives on my current life and situation. I don’t know anyone in person that I can talk to about ABF so I’m hoping to hear your thoughts.

I’m 45 years old. I discovered a powerful need to be in an ANR over twenty years ago but, despite some attempts here and there, for various reasons was never able to find the right person to fulfil it. Ten years ago I did meet a lovely woman with two kids. I became a stepdad and we got a civil partnership together. The kids are now teenagers, not far away from leaving home, and I love them both. However things with my partner have become rocky. We argue and spend little time together. She is a good woman for sure, one of the most decent people I’ve ever met, but we don’t share many interests or connect well. That’s even before we get into my cravings for ABF, which she doesn’t share at all.

My needs get so intense that I often struggle to sleep and frequently feel miserable and alone. Early in our relationship she tried to accommodate me but it was half hearted, never enough to induce, and eventually petered out entirely. Being with her, sadly, means respecting her decision and her lack of interest in breastfeeding me.

As a result I feel unfulfilled and like there is a fundamental piece of me missing. I fantasise constantly about leaving her but I know that I may well never find what I’m looking for even if I’m free to start again, and I also don’t want to leave the teens. I am fond of my partner, and respect her but don’t love her, meanwhile she says that I am the love of her life but to me it feels like we’re just going through the motions.

I have so many thoughts whizzing adound my head: am I broken? Weak? What is wrong with me that I would blow up our lives for the *chance* to find an ABFR? Do I need therapy? Are these needs I have normal-at least to those in the ANR community? The thought of never experiencing the bond and closeness of a true ANR fills me with sadness and in a sense grief, as ridiculous as it says to type that up and read it back to myself aloud! Does anyone else know how I feel or is this just me?

Anyway thank you for reading this and perhaps taking the time to give your honest opinions.

[Author]

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