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The most amazing thing has been happening for me!!! I’ve been dating this really great guy for a little over a year. We are great together in every way… but as you all know it can be a little hard to tell someone about this desire and the lifestyle you crave. So baby steps in that direction seemed like the best approach, and baby steps have paid off. After a few days of him nursing at least twice a day, and expressing his desire for more, he stops and looks up at me and says “you don’t think I’m weird” 😄. The only quick answer I could think of was “If you are weird, than I am weird, and I love being weirdos together”. In my head I was thinking, please, please, please keep being weird!!! Then he proceeds to tell me, I really enjoy this, it’s very relaxing, but when you are touching my face and running your fingers through my hair I get this feeling like I’ve never felt before. This never felt before feeling has him confused. He said it feels so good it’s hard to know if it’s normal and when you can’t process those feelings, how do you know if they are right or wrong… I think he has a pretty valid point because in life some of the best feelings come from bad things, so I get what he’s saying. I’m just not sure how to help him understand that this isn’t a bad feeling. That when I’m touching his face or running my fingers through his hair, or kissing his forehead, it’s because I feel a strong conection, and I’m pretty sure that never felt before feeling he’s unsure of is the same thing.
Anyway… enough rambling from me. Anyone have some input on what I can do or say to make him more comfortable with his own feelings and help him understand that we have nothing to be ashamed of if it’s what we both want.
It’s not weird at all. It’s a very special level of intimacy. Perhaps he just has never felt that kind of intimacy before and the strong feelings are just hard to process.
There’s a lot of discovery and shame to get through. Jessica said it well, maybe I can expound on that.
I’ve brought it up with my female partners very indirectly, starting with action, rather than talk.
It turns out when I had the courage to bring it up, ALL of them were very understanding and are into it. Not all to the same degree, and not all can commit to physical work necessary to be wet, and that’s OK – I would love it, but don’t expect that.
My point here is, I think it’s easier find someone you you like, and get them interested… than find someone new who’s already interested. People who have their emotional shit together will want to please you and be open to going in new directions for YOU.
It takes great courage, then, for you to lead in this direction. It’s hard to expose yourself with something this vulnerable.
So what should you do? You’re already doing it.
Keep doing what you are doing and give it time. Keep telling him how much YOU love it and YOU need it and YOU like when he does it. At the same him it’s OK that he likes it, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Most importantly, validate any feelings of shame — a lot of us had to work through this. What you don’t want to do is *unintentionally* invalidate anyone, with well-intentioned things like “oh, don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem!”. We do worry about it, and it is a problem. But it’s something you can overcome together. Can you see the difference in words here? It’s small but, huge.
(This is my first post though I’ve been into this for a long time. I have to get over my shame about posting in public where I could be abused, scammed, or outed. Feel free to PM me.)
That is fantastic for that to have happened! Nerds rule!
The uniqueness in each one of us makes life interesting.🤗@nicklipper had a great response:
“So what should you do? You’re already doing it.
Keep doing what you are doing and give it time. Keep telling him how much YOU love it and YOU need it and YOU like when he does it. At the same him it’s OK that he likes it, there’s nothing wrong with it.”@pretty bird What you did with the baby steps was perfect; gradual, leading into the process. Validate his feelings and your need. It’s a level of intimacy that is developed and created between you. It can only expand and improve with the above process. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. It sounds lovely.
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
-Theodor Geisel
Glad to hear you found your weirdo! And to those who are still searching, they’re out there I promise.
Next time he says the W word just put it in his mouth, mid vowel and everything
The weirdness he is probably processing is not simply emotional. Sure it will challenge his views on ‘social norms’ but When your partner offers you comfort through intimate connection that brings relaxation, comfort and allows you to be in the moment, chemicals are released which flood through your body. Dopamine, oxytocin (the love hormone) adrenaline and vasopressin can create the same euphoria that comes with a drug induced high. Why have drugs when you can have the loving breasts of your partner? So happy you have both found this. X
Does this weird run in his family, by any chance? 🤩
I read your post with my heart in my mouth. Thinking it would go the way of my experiences when I was younger and didn’t know I wasn’t the weird one. I was told so in as many words.
I’m still traumatised by memories of impatience and boredom. The shame is/was real.
What I didn’t do then, and didn’t have the experience or maturity to appreciate, is the power of the stroking. Non sexual stroking of the face, gentle massaging of the scalp. You totally had him there. Like Delilah with Samson. I bet he got lost in suckling her while she massaged his scalp, waiting for the REM of his eyelids as her cue to cut his hair.
Such was her remorse when she saw the price of her betrayal that she chose to perish with him. A lady has incredible influence in her bosom. Delilah misused hers. The connection we build during adult nursing has a foundation of hormones.
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