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Triton, this was such a good story! You had me completely invested by the time those footsteps started coming down that hill. I could practically feel fourteen-year-old you thinking your entire life was over.😳
But your mum absolutely stole my ❤️. Her very first concern being whether everything between you and Rachel was consensual tells me so much about her. And once she knew it was, she wasn’t going to let a room full of horrified adults turn a very human teenage moment into something shameful or catastrophic. That combination of protective, practical and completely unfazed is pretty wonderful.
And then, after ALL of that drama, walking home beside you and simply asking, “Was she worth it?” I’m pretty sure I would have loved your mother!
There’s something really sweet about the beginning of this too. Fourteen, awkward, picked last for football, not quite comfortable in your own skin yet…and then an older girl sits beside you and tells you that you have nice eyes. Of course you still remember the smell of the grass, her perfume, the weather, all of it. Some memories hang around because they’re about so much more than what actually happened.
And I really loved your last thought, that sometimes getting caught teaches you what you were willing to risk and whether it was worth it. That was a hell of an ending.
Thank you for taking the time to tell this one. I hope YOU know how much I appreciate YOU!❤️😘🤓
@winkingbird 🫶🏻
Jen!! I’m starting to think “I just stopped by to say hi” has a VERY different meaning in the ABF community. 😏
Also, your puzzle was absolute 🔥🔥🔥! I see you, ma’am! 😎
Just to be clear… you do NOT have to have been half naked somewhere to play along.
I want ALL the almost-caught stories. Snooping where you shouldn’t have been. Sneaking out. Lying about where you were. Eavesdropping. Getting into something as a kid. Almost getting busted doing something ridiculous, embarrassing, questionable or just plain stupid.
Basically, if at any point in your life you’ve thought OH SHIT, I’M BUSTED…I want the story!!!
@grogman 🤓
Grogman, the “light throw for modesty” is absolutely sending me! Sir, you packed for this little excursion like a man who has learned from experience. Blanket? Check. Pillow? Check. Emergency boob camouflage? CHECK!
Honestly though, a quiet fall afternoon by the lake sounds pretty damn idyllic.😎
Patrick, I’m not even sure this qualifies as almost caught. Y’all were caught and collectively decided, “We do not acknowledge the jurisdiction of this door.” 😏😂
Honestly, the commitment to simply carry on while she kept knocking is what makes this for me! 🌶️🌶️🌶️
Hmm…for a non-sexual one there was a time my buddy and I just got done with classes and he picked me up so we could drive to our usual spot and get high (I’ve long since quit btw). He gets pulled over for a tail light or something and cop is asking all the usual questions while pointing his flashlight right at him and me, back and forth. Nothing comes of it and he lets us go and then we realize my buddy literally had the mason jar full of weed and the vape just sitting on his lap. Cop just didn’t realize it lol.
Okay, but Pebble Beach under a full moon with the fog rolling over the rocks?? You apparently misunderstood my request for questionable behavior and submitted a damn romance novel!
Also…TWO HOURS?! Natural, I admire your commitment to a hobby.
Thanks for playing along! 😘
THIS is what I’m talking about!! The flashlight actually sweeping back and forth over the evidence while the two of you are sitting there trying to look innocent is fantastic.
I can only imagine the conversation once you pulled away and realized what had just been sitting there in plain sight. That cop accidentally gave you two a core memory.😂😂😂
@lolamayi12345 I wasn’t much of a Boy Scout, though I did learn a few things. Preparation can be key. This goes along with thinking of your partner’s comfort.🤗
I blocked you because some of our interactions made me uncomfortable, and I decided I didn’t want further contact. It wasn’t intended to hurt you, but it was a boundary I needed to set.
So.. back in my Edinburgh days, my manager invited my girlfriend and I over to hers for drinks dinner and more drinks. Oh.. and a night walk on the beach.
There was a few of us there.. maybe eight, a mixture of other colleagues and my managers family.
Well, during the after dinner drinks and before the beach walk, my girlfriend was giving me ‘the look’ ..so we slipped away on the excuse that we’ll bring back the wine and the whisky. Kitchen being in the basement and no one else around we had a good old snog and ended up falling into a chair. Her being on top and both of us feeling waaaaay too frisky. We stopped before things went too far of course.. as it just wouldn’t have been right. And just as we were about to head back up stairs, with the drinks of course, my bosses daughter sticks her head around the corner..
Big grin on her face and said… “I wished you had kept going!”
We must have looked shocked but just giggled and ran up the stairs!
Oh, sorry Lola.. maybe this should be in your future ‘Oh Shit.. I Did Get Caught’ stories!! 🤔
Funny thing is… and totally irrelevant, the most memorable part of that evening was the fact my boss had a water bed!
Love to all 😊
B!! 😂😂 “I wish you had kept going” would have KILLED me. I don’t even know what you say to that. 😂
But I’m dying that you told this entire story and then casually ended with, “Oh, and she had a water bed.” 😂 Of COURSE that’s the detail you remember.
And apparently I really do need to start a “Shit… I DID Get Caught” thread because some of y’all are playing pretty fast and loose with the word almost. 😂
Also, nice kilt! 😉
Hahaha oh the stories I could tell! I used to have an FWB before moving to Arizona! We were quite adventurous in our escapades! She also happened to be my coworker as well! 😂 I can’t decide which is the most riskiest so, I’ll just pick my 3 favorites haha.
1. Workplace
First, when we had started becoming FWB, it was very exciting! While we drive around, she would take off her shirt and bra, revealing her wonderful boobs, and they would be hard, ready for me to play with them. Sometimes people would watch me play with her breasts at traffic stop, and we both loved the exhibitonism. Well eventually this escalated to even doing it at work. No one actually caught us at work but we both would touch each other, and I would suck her amazing nipples in her office. Every time we heard a door open, we’d go back to our desks.2. Drive in Theater
Some of the things we liked to do was to go to the drive in! So we’d drive in my truck, bring some blankets, a large portable speaker to connect to the movie, and some pillows. Sometimes we’d cuddle and kiss, sometimes it was touching a bit. On this particular night, they were showing Footloose and the Buzz Lightyear movie but we were hardly paying any attention to the movie. Instead all my focus was on her and only her. I laid there for 4 hours just, sucking on her hard nipples while she gave me a helping hand through the whole night. Was one of my more fond memories and it was an incredibly sensual night. And I have no idea if people knew, but I didn’t care.3. Natural Hot Springs
We liked to go camping with each other a lot, to the point for one summer we were camping every other weekend. She takes me to camping near this small gorgeous town, with incredible hikes and views!! Later that night about 1 AM, she says, I have a surprise for you. So she drives me to this spot, and we had to hike down a small steep hill to a pond like spot near a river. “What’s this??” I ask. “Something that will make this a night to remember” she replies as she starts undressing completely in front of me, excitedly, I start undressing as well, hopping into the hot springs with her! As we settle into the springs and getting used to the hot temperature, we start touching each other and kissing underneath the star-filled sky. It’s starts to get more intense, and she gets on top of me. This was the first time we had full on sex. It was amazing and the anticipation was real.As we were about to reach the climax, we noticed people’s voices coming down the hill! She quickly gets off of me, and we sit back down into the springs not realizing our clothes were out of reach! We were nervous as hell watching people get into the hot springs with us, but we quickly calmed down as we realized that they could not see us nude and we were having conversation with these lovely people all the while still playing with each other. Eventually they leave, we wait for a bit until we see them drive away, and we get out and get dressed. As we got back to our tent and and finished where we were interrupted and then we enjoyed our company with each other until we fell asleep.
I hope this answered your question! 😅☺️ this was a great question and and I loved everyone’s response as well as Lola’s amazing story!
It was supposed to be a routine extraction.
International flight. Global Entry. Trusted traveler. Nothing to declare.
Everything was going perfectly.
Then, approximately 40 feet from Customs, I remembered the apple.
The fucking apple.
Sitting in my bag was one piece of undeclared agricultural contraband capable of turning Global Entry into Global Entryn’t.
My brain immediately went full MI6.
MISSION STATUS: COMPROMISED.
Ahead: U.S. Customs.
Behind: no retreat.
In my bag: one Honeycrisp of mass destruction.
And somewhere, inexplicably, a majestic voice began to sing…
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
Today we salute you, Mr. International Apple Smuggler.
🎵 Mister International Apple Smuggler! 🎵
While ordinary travelers remember what they packed, you wait until you’re 40 feet from federal authorities to suddenly remember you’re carrying prohibited produce.
🎵 Oh shit, I have an aaapple! 🎵
I could already see the interrogation.
“Sir, you declared no agricultural products.”
“I forgot about the apple.”
“You forgot?”
“It’s been a long flight.”
“Turn in your Global Entry card.”
“Nooooooo!”
I kept walking.
Normal pace.
No sudden movements.
Then I saw it.
A corner.
Three seconds of invisibility.
This was my window.
I rounded the corner, casually reached into my bag without breaking stride, extracted the target…
…and silently released it.
Thump.
Gone.
No witnesses.
No hesitation.
No looking back.
You never look back.
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
Because when America’s agricultural security hangs in the balance, some men declare their fruit.
You abandon yours like a compromised CIA asset.
🎵 Sorry, Granny Smiiiiith! 🎵
Twenty feet to Customs.
Ten.
Five.
Nobody had seen a thing.
I had done it.
The perfect operation.
Global Entry preserved.
Agricultural crisis averted.
I allowed myself the smallest internal celebration.
You magnificent bastard.
Then—
“Sir?”
Fuck.
“Sir, step over here please.”
MISSION STATUS: FUCKED AGAIN.
Apparently surviving Operation Apple had merely unlocked the bonus level.
Was this random?
Had they seen something?
Did they know about the apple?
Was there an apple-shaped silhouette glowing on some $14 million Department of Homeland Security fruit-detection machine?
They started questioning me.
Where had I traveled?
What was I bringing back?
Did everything in the luggage belong to me?
They were digging.
At this point I became convinced they were looking for anything that could justify revoking my Global Entry.
Then the officer stopped.
He reached deep into my bag.
And slowly extracted…
one large Swedish breast pump.
Silence.
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
Today we ALSO salute you, Mr. International Swedish Breast Pump Courier.
🎵 That’s a surprisingly large breast puuuuump! 🎵
The officer looked at it.
Then at me.
Then back at it.
“Is this yours?”
“No.”
“It’s in your bag.”
“Yes.”
“So it’s yours?”
“No.”
He stared at me.
Then came the sentence that changed everything.
“You know, transporting things that don’t belong to you can be grounds for revoking Global Entry.”
Oh.
Well.
That certainly changes the parameters of the mission.
I folded faster than a lawn chair at a hurricane.
“Okay. Fine. It’s mine.”
Silence.
“I was embarrassed.”
The officer could not possibly have cared less.
Not a laugh.
Not a raised eyebrow.
Not even mild curiosity about why Mr. Boobcombobulator was traveling internationally with one industrial-strength Swedish mammary extraction device.
🎵 Nobody asked whyyyyy! 🎵
“Did you purchase this abroad, or did you leave the United States with it?”
“I left with it.”
He looked at me.
Looked at the pump.
“Alrighty then.”
He put it back.
“Well, I don’t see anything else. I guess you’re free to go.”
I guess?!
But I wasn’t about to negotiate the wording of my release.
I grabbed my bag.
“Thank you.”
And walked.
Not too fast.
Never too fast.
The exit was right there.
Freedom.
America.
Global Entry somehow still alive.
I had survived the apple.
I had survived the interrogation.
I had survived the Great Swedish Breast Pump Incident.
Then I saw him.
The dog.
Oh, fuck me.
A Customs dog stood directly between me and freedom.
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
Because just when you think your international agricultural crime thriller is over, here comes a mammal whose entire résumé is smelling things people are trying to hide.
🎵 He can smell your feeeeear! 🎵
I kept walking.
Casual.
Relaxed.
Just Mr. Boobcombobulator, innocent international traveler, carrying one large Swedish breast pump and definitely not a man who had covertly jettisoned an apple 40 feet earlier.
The dog looked at me.
I looked straight ahead.
He moved closer.
Sniff.
My entire body froze internally.
Does he know?
Sniff.
Can he smell the apple?
Surely not.
But maybe.
Dogs can smell drugs through walls.
Could this furry federal bastard smell Honeycrisp betrayal from 40 feet away?
🎵 He knows about the fruuuuuit! 🎵
I kept walking.
No barking.
No handler yelling.
No tiny canine paw dramatically pointing back toward the crime scene.
Five feet.
Ten.
Twenty.
Automatic doors ahead.
They opened.
I walked through.
Outside.
Free.
I had actually made it.
Global Entry intact.
Swedish breast pump safely returned to its rightful—and now reluctantly acknowledged—owner.
And somewhere behind me, one solitary apple remained abandoned in hostile territory.
To this day, I don’t know whether the dog knew.
Maybe he smelled it.
Maybe he looked into my eyes and understood everything.
Maybe professional courtesy prevented him from saying anything.
Whatever happened…
he let me walk.
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
So crack open an ice-cold beer, Mr. Boobcombobulator.
Because you successfully navigated international Customs with a forgotten apple, an enormous Swedish breast pump, a spontaneous confession, a federal interrogation, and one extremely suspicious dog…
…and somehow kept Global Entry.
🎵 Mister Boob-com-bob-u-laaaaaator! 🎵
APPLE: NEUTRALIZED.
WITNESSES: ZERO.
SWEDISH BREAST PUMP: EVENTUALLY CONFESSED.
DOG: KNOWS SOMETHING.
GLOBAL ENTRY: MIRACULOUSLY PRESERVED.
MISSION: ACCOMPLISHED.
Somewhere in that airport, Agent Granny Smith remains behind enemy lines.
And somewhere else…
a Customs dog knows the truth.
Boobcombobulator.
Here’s to you, Mr. Boobcombobulator. Because Global Entry may forgive, but that Customs dog never forgets.
🎵 REAL MEN OF GENIUSSSSS… 🎵
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