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Every once in a while I run across the partner who insists that nursing demands a level of intimacy and dedication to her individual needs. She is uncomfortable with multiple partners and makes it clear that monogamy is required…and then I run across the lady pushing for lactation and heavy milk production.. Lactation induction may even require the baby nursing method and lots of attention to massage and latching…And then to drain a heavy milker, it may take a couple sucklers…very labor intensive and both these scenarios may demand a polygamous situation…
As a suckler I have faced both cases, and sometimes I have to think about the happy medium, how I view my partner’s demand, or how we define intimacy in an ANR.
I have a very definite answer but I want to see how others think….
Your thoughts?
So, I think you are confused in the verbiage you chose. It’s very easy to do so.
Polygamy = A marriage where a man has more than one wife at the same time. This is the most common form of polygamy worldwide.
Polyamorous= means having or being open to multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is a form of consensual non-monogamy
Monogamy = being in a romantic, sexual, or marital relationship with only one person at a time.
Food for thought.
Touchy topic I guess..nobody has replied.
I am sure that whoever does reply people will get offended by their thoughts but I will be courageous and say something that occurred to me when I read the post and thought about the title/purpose of the post.
Ideally, I think both should choose monogamy if they like each other and both agree…why is polygamy even needed if one can be with a person who is one’s soulmate unless either partner keeps getting distracted by the next best and shiny thing over the horizon ? We all want variety as the spice of our lives but it’s always more satisfying to know that you have someone dear when your not always going to be nice and shiny.. that they care about you enough to take care of you when you are sick or old etc. My parents were together for 65 years and they had a lovely marriage and that’s my ideal. There are things one can’t compromise on in a relationship and that’s like a hard limit as you call it in the domme/sub world and it’s ok to move on when that happens.
Internet dating has not made our life easier but has probably created discontent with what one has. We humans tend to get bored easily if we keep focusing on the superficial things like looks that attracted us to a particular person. We need to find something deeper that we connect to with a particular individual.
I remember the old days of going shopping and having a few choices but now we are spoiled by so many that we can’t even decide what it is that we came to the shop for and end up buying way too many things that we don’t really need.
Plus in this disposable society where each person/thing seems to have a limited life span and everyone prefers to get rid of something that is not a perfect fit in every way if one keeps looking one will keep finding the next new and shiny object/relationship that one would like to try. I am not saying that this is truly bad but people are too soon to move on I feel.
On the other hand there are people who can’t move on even when they should and that’s also not healthy in my opinion. But if you have not found your soul mate I guess then you can search and be with a few people and figure out the best fit until you settle on the best for you.
Did I sound too preachy, if so, I apologize sincerely but it’s very early in the morning here and I was thinking deep thoughts I guess about life and relationships as I try to get back to sleep 🙂
@-btrfly-
To clarify….we will assume monogamy and polygamy are not tied to marriage, but any relationship, with consent or not…Thanks for pointing out the disconnect in terminology here. It is important to make the distinction between polygamy and polyamory. It’s really up to the people involved to decide and clarify what they want and what they don’t want in a relationship. It does seem to me that nonmonogamy has a big place in the ANR space, especially when a woman is wanting to induce, but not wanting to commit to a monogamous relationship that is so involved, what with the time commitment and the level of intimacy and trust required. From a man’s perspective, he may desire a sexual and more committed relationship with a partner who does not want nursing. He may also want nursing inside of a separate relationship, whether that is sexual/romantic, or not. A woman may want a nursing relationship with several men, with men and women, or several women. She may also want each of these relationships to have their own pace, flavor, and boundaries. It can get complicated quickly, but open and clear. Communication is the only way to make it possible. I think it is also fair to say that labels, such as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and pansexual, need not be applied as a person is exploring. Just because somebody desires or even engages in intimacy with someone of the same gender does not necessarily mean you need to apply a particular label. The person needs to decide for themself what feels right for them and how they want to describe themselves.
I think it is also totally fine to explore potential ANR partners in a nonmonogamous way to determine if the dynamic that is formed is compatible with what they want in a relationship. It takes a lot of time and building trust, and there are so many layers to work through. There is the nursing dynamic, the sexual dynamic, and many other aspects to evaluate as a relationship forms. Online dating as a whole can be treacherous, and in this type of community, there are certainly unique challenges that we face.
Definitely Food for thought.
I think there are a couple of different things getting tangled together here.
First, what you’re describing isn’t necessarily polygamy. Polygamy is having more than one spouse. Polyamory involves consensually having multiple romantic and/or intimate relationships, and consensual non-monogamy is an even broader umbrella. Having more than one person involved in nursing could fall somewhere within those worlds, but it doesn’t automatically define the relationship as any one of them.
And I think that distinction matters because the real question here is much bigger than how much milk someone produces.
If nursing is deeply intimate to one partner, asking her to introduce another person isn’t simply solving a lactation problem. You may be asking her to fundamentally change the boundaries and meaning of the relationship. Conversely, someone who already views intimacy as something that can comfortably include multiple people may see absolutely no conflict at all.
Neither seems inherently more evolved or enlightened to me. They’re simply different ways of defining intimacy.
What I find interesting is the idea that a practical circumstance could somehow require a particular relationship structure. I don’t think it can. Bodies can create logistical problems, they don’t get to renegotiate relationship agreements for us!
So maybe the question isn’t “Does this situation require monogamy or non-monogamy?” Maybe it’s, When the needs of the kink conflict with the boundaries of the relationship, which one gets to bend?
I suspect the answers to that could be very different.
I redefined polygamy to include not just marriage, but the typical dating scenario seen on many kink/ nursing sites…
I liked your bending analogy as there are cases that arise where many partners ( male and female) may arise…and the circumstance versus relationship structure is a strong argument!!!
Thank you, Lola!!!You guys are creating an interesting discussion…
@sind
Soulmates, bonding, and intimacy are at the root of the monogamy argument…and I totally agree with your depth of connection statement. All important parts of the dating/ commitment world…(What I call a parochial relationship)But nursing seems to also lend itself to the polygamy argument…fewer qualified sucklers means more available lady partners (this I have run into) and ladies may require a stable of sucklers if she is inducing, draining, or maxing breast size..(What I call the Nature based relationship)
You have made some great observations, thank you!!!
Polygamy can also mean a woman has several husbands. Its only because we live in a patriarchy we dont think of it.
@lolamayi12345 I stand with you totally!! And I want to add: we all know this! If we were not aware of the fact that bringing in multiple people possibly means bending someone else’s boundaries and/ or the meaning of a relationship, then why lie about it or hide it? Why so much gossipping? Its exactly because we know it but don’t want to own it.@lolamayi12345
We know bringing multiple into anr of abf isnt a mainstream thing to not only because we lie about it, its also clear because the other party is seen as ‘ the victim’. Yes it can hurt terribly, of course it does, if its not what the two of you agreed on.
Ask yourself this: what exactly does hurt? Is it betrayal or your pride? Do you really want to claim somebody who ignores your boundaries and lies about it ( i consider not saying anything ‘ never made a promise’ as lying too). We cant own people. Let go and move on.The real mature thi g to do is talk about these boundaries up front. Every body has a right to know what they are getting into, not in the least for the sake of minimizing health risks.
It doesnt mean you have to give names and details, just ‘ yes i am seeing more people’ will do. Own your behaviour.
@Romani I disagree with the whole patriarchy comment. I wasnt trying to make this political at all lol I mearly took the definition from Google, to make sure I referenced it correctly. It was simply to define polygamy. Yes it absolutely can go both ways, but frequently mem do dominate this category.
I am polyamorous, and I do not like being thrown into the category of “polygamy” which is often use interchangeably and is incorrect. It’s important to understand the words since this community is heavily innidated with “kinky lifestyle” in addition to the vanilla world.
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