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So this is probably going to be pretty long. I’ve been ruminating on this for a long time, and I always find that writing my thoughts helps me to better organize/understand them. If you take the time to read it, I hope it’s not too boring or self-indulgent.
Boobs. I love them. The shape, the feel, even just the concept. They’re wonderful. They’re a source of both life and pleasure. I’ve always been fascinated, but for most of my life it was just regular ol’ booby lovin’. I enjoyed looking at them when I was a kid sneaking looks at old Playboy magazines, and imagined how they would feel, what it would be like to touch them. Then, as a teenager when I got to experience them firsthand, it was better than I had imagined. Sucking and kissing and squeezing a boob was among my favorite things, but at that point I was just a regular guy who enjoyed them as part of regular sexual activity with my partners. It never really crossed a line beyond what I think most folks think of as “normal”.
And that’s how it was for me until my late 20s – that’s when I met a woman who changed my life. She was recently divorced, and was just weaning her son onto solid foods. We had a decent relationship at first, and one night while fooling around she told me to suckle her. I had no idea what I was doing, but I gave it my best. She coached me and corrected me on my technique, and then all of a sudden I had a mouthful of milk. I hadn’t really even thought about that as a possibility (because I was kinda dumb, to be honest), but it hit me like a freight train. I was immediately intoxicated to the taste, the sensation, the intimacy. I thought she just liked nipple stimulation, but she wanted to feed me. And when I understood what was actually happening some part of my being shifted.
From that moment on, all I wanted was to nurse. Suckling made me feel such a powerful connection – I couldn’t get enough. I would wake up in the middle of the night and get a latch. She would ask for relief while we were folding the laundry, and I would gladly oblige. I would come home on my lunch break for a quick session. I was essentially an addict. And while the nursing was amazing, we were like oil and water any time her chest was covered. We stayed together longer than we should have just because we were both so happy with the nursing.
When that relationship ended, I was really down. It was so sad that I couldn’t get that level of comfort and connection anymore. Other, non-nursing relationships just didn’t seem as deep. I had a yearning to find someone else, but at that point it just didn’t seem like there was any hope. How do you tell someone “Hey, I know we’ve only been dating a little while, but I want to drink milk from your tits”? I wasn’t aware that there was actually a name for this type of lifestyle at the time, and had no idea how to connect with anyone who would be interested if I did. Dating apps at the time weren’t super friendly to any conversations about things that were considered kinky, and to be honest I was kind of embarrassed. So I just kind of resigned myself to this amazing experience being a one-off, and hoped to find fulfillment in other relationships.
Life was pretty good at that point. I had a great experience that I really enjoyed, but I was still able to be content with non-nursing relationships. But then I came across a lactation sub-reddit, which led me down a rabbit hole of more and more milky pursuits. I started thinking back to my previous experience, and it rekindled a fire in me. The relationship I was in at the time, lost all spark for me – I couldn’t do it anymore. I found some fetish dating sites, but most of those were a little too kinky for me. I found some kik groups, which were fun but almost always devolved into just meming about our daily lives. Then I found some ANR/ABF dating sites (including this one), and I suddenly had a sense of hope that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe I could connect with someone who felt the same kind of need. Someone who understood and appreciated how wonderful the act could be. And I still have that hope, although I feel it waning a bit.
It’s hard to really put to words the feeling I get when nursing. Wet or dry, it’s just such a comforting feeling. That feeling of having a nipple in my mouth makes me both excited and relaxed at the same time. I feel connected, I feel comforted, and I feel loved. I feel a sense of vulnerability and honesty – there aren’t any secrets or hiding when you’re that close. It’s almost spiritual at times. And when the milk is flowing, it’s a whole new level. The feeling of warmth. At times it seems like I can feel her essence flowing into me, nourishing me from her body. It’s a sacrifice of her vitality to increase mine. And dang, but it revitalizes me. I get a jump in my step, and I feel sharper of mind (at least after the milk drunk wears off). The experience is unlike anything I’ve ever had – nothing can compare.
And that’s the problem.
I have had a few ANRs over the ensuing years, and a few ABF situations too. Some were long distance, which made it difficult (although not impossible) to be happy. Some were bad personality/chemistry matches. Some were at different places in our lives. None worked out in the end. I’m still looking, but my hope of finding my partner in this niche lifestyle is starting to run a little thinner. I want to find someone who inspires me as much when we’re just enjoying company as when we’re nursing. It doesn’t seem like it should be too hard to find, but the options are limited and there’s often so much distance between me and the people who seem like genuine possibilities. I’m not opposed to packing up and moving from where I am, but it’s really hard to give up the life that I have been building for myself for what is essentially a possibility built on a foundation of a shared interest in nursing. But the idea of being in a relationship without it seems almost empty to me now. I can’t go back to dating folks who aren’t into it anymore (believe me, I’ve tried), so I wonder sometimes if that means I’m destined to be missing out on the thing I want most in life.
Eh. I know the end there sounded really dramatic. I’m not entirely despondent – Just feeling a bit discouraged these days. If you made it this far, thanks, and feel free to call me a douchebag in the comments
This is really beautiful and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing.
That feeling of having a nipple in my mouth makes me both excited and relaxed at the same time. I feel connected, I feel comforted, and I feel loved. I feel a sense of vulnerability and honesty – there aren’t any secrets or hiding when you’re that close. It’s almost spiritual at times.
You exquisitely articulate the singular intimacy of suckling.
I think this is beautifully written and deeply felt. You are right, nursing is extremely vulnerable and exposing for the man and I think equally so for the lady. ANR is a truly unique space where partners can both be vulnerable and care for each other. The protective and nurturing feelings are sooooo bonding. It’s so powerful and often challenging to describe to anyone who has not experienced it.
I think it’s tough to find an ABF nowadays. Most women work, so needing 4x a day sessions is often unrealistic.
I understand your frustration. It is similar to having experienced a deeply bonded power exchange relationship and looking for the same feeling again. It’s not something you can just “do.” It has to be felt. And you are right, finding that feeling with the right person, at the right time, with the right circumstances…it’s just so tough.
I don’t know what to say other than I understand and sympathize and trust the right connection will be drawn to you.
Honestly if I wanted to write exactly how I feel I think what you wrote is 100% exactly it. I’m not gonna make it about me though. My advice is just be on a couple ANR sites and wait till someone pops up in your area. I would say long distance but a lot aren’t invested in that. Least from my personal experience. And yeah the fetish sites are awful for finding love, (mainly fetlife) honestly I don’t think you’ll have trouble. The average age for users on here seems to be from 35-50+. Don’t give up. Also this post will probably attract some women, I remember I wrote a guide on this website awhile ago and it made some women interested in me. Or at least talking. I’m in the same position you are. It’s rough when you have a need for something and can’t go without it. Especially if it’s intimacy.
I feel the same way,I met a couger and dated her for a year.she had big boobs and I got her into lactating.I sucked and fondled them pretty much all day.Im looking for that again, and its very addictive
Now add being married to a woman that hates anything related to her breasts and you’ll discover what perpetual frustration and endless despair feels like.
Very well written expressions of your feelings and experience. I think at least parts hold for most looking for the same thing in life. Do not be discouraged though, I’m a believer in things happen or people come into your life when you least expect.
I’ve added this good article to the “featured” section on the front page below the chatroom, for extra visibility.
Outstanding writing!
Well expressed, Phil. I had a similar first experience. It does feel spiritual. It is life changing. And it is a mixed blessing. Once bitten, twice cursed are we.
I feel like the only reliable way to find a compatible partner is to relocate. How tied to Indiana are you? It might be time to change professions, find something you can do from home.
Thanks for sharing Phil! I haven’t experienced ANR first hand, but reading about it in your post helps me understand a little more, but I also feel your pain with the sense of loss.
Great Post! Couldn’t have put it any better myself, I’m in exactly the same place as you right now! I’ve been with someone for two years that because she isn’t into anr or anything but just sex has been horrible and we have only tried sex like 5 times because without the oxytocin I can’t feel much of a connection to her so I’ve come back here to find someone to get that connected with again. Talked to someone beautiful and not miles away but was honest about I live with a woman and she then wasn’t interested, which I totally get but I just can’t afford to get my own place right now is the only reason I’m not actually single although I pretty much am. I miss my ex that we had the anr so much I know any relationship that doesn’t involve that closeness just isn’t going to work! So yes it’s amazing knowing the secret that nursing makes you psysically and mentally overwhelming in love with all the chemicals and attraction involved and it just can’t be beaten but finding someone who wants this who probably has had lots of idiots message them is so hard and deflating that I think I’m just gonna stay single. Great post again. Thanks
Beautifully written and sincere. I really enjoyed reading about your experiences and feelings, which I believe many of us can relate to.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, feelings, and thoughts about ABF/ANR. I get the sense that you had some essentially mystical experiences, want more, and have become discouraged because the search has not yielded the fruit you crave. There is a Greek myth about a man named Tantalus who is tortured by Zeus by having a tree branch with fruit move up and away every time he reaches for it. How does this apply? All humans strongly desire something, and some crave it. Whatever it is, it is not always available. The solution is to develop comparable alternatives that may not be as good but provide at least some satisfaction. Meanwhile you keep your eyes and ears open for a chance to have what you most desire and it will come. But it will only come when you rest from ceaseless, intense questing. I hope this helps. If you don’t like the advice, then just toss it. It’s just my way of making peace with the very same reality I face.
I’m going to parrot everyone else. This is very well written and I know exactly how you feel. You’re definitely not alone.
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