- This topic has 24 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Opinions on a deep connection with a married male ( me) in a loveless marriage ? I mean a true connection physical and mental
If your spouse consents to this and is at least content with it then fine. If not then no.
Nope!
Even if wifey consented!
🤷♀️You are young, why stay in a situation such as that
I feel like if it is truly that dead then a conversation is needed to define what each expects and will tolerate of the other. I would not find a relationship outside of the marriage without mutual understanding and acceptance.
This is a very personal topic and you have to really think about your own morals and beliefs.
I get that. Was in that situation for 27 years. It was extremely unhealthy for many reasons. Almost sexless for years. For me, I took my vows seriously. I gave my word. Means everything to me. I never asked bc I knew he’d say no. My point of view was either you get consent or stay faithful. Eventually left and divorced. I pay alimony & he got the house. But im finally happy.
Wish you all the best
That is terrible Jessa! I am glad that you are now free and happy.
I know the feeling.There may be very good reasons that you haven’t been divorced. However, let me be very honest, having seen this before in other situations. You will not be able to find an emotionally healthy relationship with another while you are still married and in that relationship. It doesn’t matter how loveless, toxic, ect it is. No emotionally healthy person will engage in a relationship with another in your position. You have to deal with your issues before can expect to have an emotionally healthy relationship with another. It takes a lot of hard work and pain to get to an emotionally healthy position in life. No one who has been through that kind of work is going to throw it away for that kind of emotional disfunction.
My advice is to deal with your problems, do the work to get to an emotionally stable place yourself. Then, emotionally stable single people will be drawn to you and the relationship you gain from it will be 100% worth all the work. I promiseI agree with Jessica. Considering that you say you are married to a narcissist, having been in that same position, you will always be too emotionally strained to be a healthy partner to someone else, unless you are looking for friends with benefits, which it sounds like you aren’t.
Remember, people look at things like how one behaves when they are in a committed relationship with someone else. The things they say, their behavior, their reasons. It often rubs the wrong way, or the person you are with ends up being a therapist with vety little payoff.
I would suggest you discuss with your partner about the idea of an open marriage. If they are unwilling to allow that, then start seeing a therapist, preferably with your partner, but on your own if they absolutely refuse. If they are refusing to do anything to keep the marriage alive, start taking the steps towards a divorce. Get a separate bank account and deposit a designated amount to it every paycheck. You can even have your employer divide it amongst the accounts so you don’t have to do anything. Start researching a budget, what you should be able to afford on your own and go from there.
It’s your life. You are only as powerless in it as you let yourself be.
Sounds like you should divorce yourself from this relationship first.
At least you are honest and upfront in your profile. I give you huge kudos for that. Also, you are in CA, which has a huge population. It is possible that right now a married lady in a similar situation is seeing herself in your post, and you’ll make a discreet connection like you see. Or you may find someone who wants online only.
But if you want a single person, then I’d ask you to look deeper into your own self and what you want. A single woman who “can host” is a hot commodity for any number of reasons, and finding one who would like to be monogamous, deeply emotionally connected to you, mentally on the same page, and also 100% secret is going to be hard.
I want ANR and my kinks to be the naughty secret. No one but me and my partner needs to know what happens when the bedroom door shuts. But me? I’m pretty amazing. I deserve to be shown off, celebrated, and PARTNERED if I so choose. If I need a date for a work function and I’m deep in a secret relationship with a married person, I’m going to end up spending a very boring night alone instead of getting to tease my partner quietly about the sexy nursing bra I’ve got on under my little black dress.
I have been where you are. I am 44. I am separated with the divorce to be finalized very soon. It is scary and terrifying to leave a 20 year relationship. But more scary was staying miserable and empty. I was a husk of myself. I was so unhappy, but I didn’t think about dating until after I had my own place. Take ANR out of the equation. Take dating out of it too. YOU deserve better. Show up for yourself. We only get ONE LIFE. One precious life. Deciding to separate and divorce is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have two kids, so I get it, I really do, but you’re doing no one any favors by staying. And if you are, then you need an open and honest talk with them about that favor and how you would like the freedom to have an Ethical Non Monogamous Partnership and what that would look like in the context of your current partnership.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.