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There’s a familiar complaint on ABFH. Weeks of flirting, deliciously naughty conversations, promises of meeting… and then? Crickets.
Cold feet? Bad timing? Or are some people simply enjoying the fantasy with absolutely no intention of making it a reality?
Let’s be grown-ups about this, shall we?
Some people want a committed ABF relationship. Others want a nursing partner, an occasional lover, a secret rendezvous, or an arrangement that would raise a few eyebrows at Sunday dinner. Some are exploring fantasies they’ve barely admitted to themselves, looking to be admired or worshipped, indulging their voyeuristic side, or simply enjoying a little shameless exhibitionism. And yes, some are here to collect a few enticing pictures, enjoy some deliciously dirty conversation, and have a very happy ending without ever leaving their keyboards. 😉
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting any of it, provided everyone involved knows what they’re signing up for.
Personally, I adore good banter and a healthy dose of shameless flirting. My bio says exactly that. No false advertising, no promises of happily ever after.
The problem isn’t what you want. It’s pretending you want something else to get it.
If you’re collecting pictures, don’t pose as someone’s future soulmate. If you’re unavailable or have no intention of meeting, don’t spend months suggesting otherwise. And if you’re married, don’t conveniently forget to mention that while presenting yourself as single.
And while we’re at it, can we retire the fictional biographies? The outdated photographs, conveniently omitted details, and imaginary availability?
If someone falls for the person you’ve invented online, what exactly happens when the real you shows up?
But here’s where it gets uncomfortable.
Sometimes the person we’re fooling most is ourselves. Are you genuinely looking for a real-life connection, or do you simply enjoy the delicious anticipation of one?
Don’t lie to yourself about what you want. Don’t lie about who you are. And don’t lie to someone else to get what you want.
And for those genuinely searching for a partner, a little advice: Read the damn bio!
If someone says they’re here for flirting and fun, don’t mistake three wicked messages and a wink for a declaration of undying love.
People can change their minds. Feelings can develop. But possibility isn’t a promise, and wishful thinking isn’t compatibility.
Nobody owes anyone a meeting, a relationship, or a photograph. But we do owe each other HONESTY!
Know yourself. Tell the truth. Pay attention. And stop wasting each other’s time.
Because a little mystery is sexy. A completely fictional identity? Not so much.
So what do you think causes more disappointment around here: people not being honest about what they want, or people not listening when someone tells them?
@lolamayi12345 I sometimes get the feeling that one person or another is going to “turn” the person they’re chatting with and they’ll rethink whatever their original position is because they believe they are irresistible. And, why shouldn’t they? We all need a good dose of self confidence. Then they find out otherwise. The exhaustion sets im as others describe it. In the end sometimes “we” do it to ourselves.
I absolutely agree with this wholeheartedly. If people want fun, absolutely go for it with a like minded person, but don’t lie to someone like me who wants an actual relationship. Also be aware that relationships take time to develop and ANR or sex is not going to be on the menu right from date 1. If something is worth having, it’s worth taking the time to build.
I’ve been lucky and have met a couple of absolutely lovely people on here that I spent some fabulous time with, until changes in circumstances and location got in the way. I’ve also been burned by people purporting to be single, but are actually married and lied, or have just barefaced lied about who they are and what they’re looking for – one in a particularly manipulative and scary kind of way (think stalker like behaviour and unwanted physical attention).
I’m typically Welsh and autistic, so blunt, straightforward and to the point. I try and stay cheeky and happy on here because that’s my default setting in life – if I can find a naughty joke or a double entendre in a conversation then I’m going to make the most of it – but I have a huge heart underneath and I hate it being taken advantage of both in friendships and relationships.
I also really hate it when people take what I say in the way that they think I mean – by reading between the lines etc – and don’t actually listen to what I’m saying openly and plainly without any bullshit.
I’m self aware enough to know there are times when I won’t necessarily pick up on social cues, but I do my best and I’m a big enough adult to appreciate kind criticism or advice. I cannot however, stand it when people criticise, rant or lecture about how enlightened they are and how unacceptable others behaviour is, when in reality they’re actually less aware of their actions and the effects they have on others. This could mean, for example, being aware of what’s being talked about in chat and joining in with the spirit of it or waiting for a lull in conversation before trying to overpower whatevers going on because you’re not enjoying the current subject, or in relationships being aware that both of you are important and it shouldn’t just be one sided.
I think I may have gone a little off topic on here, but I think that a lot of what you’re saying applies to all of the interactions we have with people on here, not just prospective partners.
Biggest points are:
1) RTFP (Read The Flaming Profile)
2) RTFR (Read The Flaming Room)
3) My nipples cos it’s cold…….sorry couldn’t resist that 😜😂Exactly, David! I think we all like to believe we might be the exception to someone’s rule. But sometimes we’re just setting ourselves up for disappointment. 😘
Welshie, I absolutely love this response! ❤️ You’ve brought up something so important that goes well beyond dating. It’s about respecting people, listening to what they’re actually saying, and remembering that our own wants and expectations aren’t the only ones that matter. I’m sorry you’ve had some genuinely frightening experiences, especially when you’ve been so upfront about what you’re looking for. And please don’t apologize for going off topic, because you really haven’t. You’ve added a lot to the conversation. And that ending! 😂 You had me nodding along thoughtfully and then laughing out loud. Never change that cheeky sense of humor!🩷
Man, I wish we had the ability to react to posts and replies on the forum!!
@welshie “I’m typically Welsh” that explains the screen name! 😉 It all makes sense now.
@njtitman And hear he is with the one liners. You make me chuckle so much 😂
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