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Hello ladies of the site..
I just want to get a definitive time line because some women like to let a guy wait.
1)If you get a message from a guy .. and you are interested but don’t want to seem to eager. How long do you wait to reply?
2)If you get a message from a guy .. and you are NOT interested but don’t want to seem to Rude. How long do you wait to reply?
3) How long should he wait before he stops emailing you?
Some women claim they don’t read their mail but the site tells you when they are last on. Some have been on yesterday.. and you emailed them 3 days ago. and you seem them on .. and your thinking
” Really? like you don’t Know that I see your online”
Also. why let a guy continue to write you 5-10 times if your not interested.
Do you really not get the message after 5 unanswered messages? It should only take 2 to 3. And no one is under any obligation to respond to you. And you have to consider the difference in the number of messages the ladies here receive daily compared to you or I. It’s probably pretty easy to overlook a few.
I don’t play games. I don’t stalk green dots and take great offense if someone stalks mine. I called someone out on that actually, a few days ago. Saying to a woman “You are up early” after exchanging 3 paragraphs is very stalky. I don’t tolerate it.
If I get a message, I immediately look at the profile and gauge my interest. A cartoon face is off-putting, but I might ignore it for an extremely sincere profile. If there is a one sentence profile, they are local, and seem too casual, I might not be interested. Will I message back? I don’t know. I’ve turned my messages off so I don’t have yet another thing to manage in my life. I reach out to the men I find interesting and go from there.
If I get a message and I am eager to respond, I respond. I don’t play games and wait to reply. I’ll send a message matching his depth of intro.
If I get a message from someone that I don’t think I’m interested in, or just wants idle chat (meaning his intro message doesn’t have depth), I will tell him so. “I don’t think we have much in common besides location” etc. I say exactly what I feel in a nice way.
I think a guy should send a well crafted intro message, with a thoughtful profile, ONCE. Let it sit. If no response in 48 hrs? Send another short, polite message. If no response, leave it alone. You don’t know what she is dealing with.
Because I’ve had my messages turned off, I’ve been able to reply and manage much easier. I’ve reached out to gentlemen simply to say that I enjoyed their profile and it echoed my feelings, etc, or I liked their cover photo. Purely and sincerely an appreciation. Courteous conversation ensues. Sometimes they are married. And I courteously end the messaging since it is unlikely we would meet. I’ve made some lovely connections, found some catfish, fake Doms, and had an amazing 2hr phone call with a man who made plans for our next call and a possible meeting…only to wake up the next day to his ABF account AND Gmail deleted. I mean it has been a ride! In one week!
But as a general rule I don’t push connection. I’m very clear and don’t play games. If I ask if you are married, I expect an answer. That’s my only real sticking point.
Also, there’s no “letting a guy message you 5-10 times.” Seriously. I am not pushing your fingers on the keys. YOU are choosing to message 5-10 times. If the roles were flipped, and the women were sending those many unanswered messages, you would block them! You would feel harassed!
Start taking responsibility for your value. If you aren’t getting the energy back that you want, perhaps you need to look inward.If your life is so narrow, so pinched, that you are stressing over how many times to message a woman on a niche site like ABF, I think you need to get out more. It also shows me a severe lack of social skills and communication. And guess what, this type of intimacy heavily depends on communication, especially if you add any power exchange dynamic to it.
Just to comment on what Marcus said above…
“why let a guy continue to write you 5-10 times if your not interested.(?)”
To be clear: the users on this site are never obliged to reply to any message. By ignoring your messages, they are not “allowing” more messages, or encouraging it. The policy of this site is: you send multiple unanswered messages to a user, and they complain to me about being “pestered”, you would be removed from this site. Certainly after 5 or 10, no question.
Michael, I disagree. By ignoring it they are encouraging the person to continue. If the person is not told not interested they will continue.
Ladies, if you applied to a job you really wanted and the title was very specific. However, you didn’t hear back from them but you thought you were a perfect fit. You would write an email, and if you didn’t get a response, you would write another. Most would continue until they get a response.
ANR is such a niche’ thing many men question, why women are so picky when there aren’t that many men that are interested. Many men are actually repulsed so if we are on a common site, why wouldn’t a woman atleast try to get to know the person, speaking from a male perspective.
I believe a not Interested button should be available.
or the system should automatically prevent you from sending future emails if 3 aren’t replied to.
currently the site has a wait function that occurs when you try to send a message to fast, you can implement that feature.
What do you think Michael?
Women are picky because you are asking us to put the most delicate, sensitive, emotionally and sometimes spiritually connected part of our body into your MOUTH…where you have TEETH…and look down at you, pet you and whisper to you and form a bond. That can only be done with someone we feel extremely safe and comfortable with, most involving a relationship or agreement that allows us to relax. This is not a handy in the back of the car!
I would say this niche is the most difficult to create a connection with online. It really is a meet-and-feel-the-energy type thing. It’s very hard to push this deep part of ourselves into a world of online hookup culture, where we already are so pressured to give. This site is the most protective of women that I’ve found.
Marcus I think you are missing the point. Overall, no one is obligated to speak to anyone. Why do you need a hard stop to keep you from messaging/harassing someone? The not interested button =blocked.
All these post (not just yours), why am I being block, why is no one messaging, should I persist? They’ve been answered in great detail by the ladies. Relax guys and take your time. If someone doesn’t reply or blocks you they aren’t the one for you. Thank you, next, keep it moving!
Bella your missing the point.
I am talking about a system issue. I didn’t ask why someone doesn’t write. I am saying what should be done to prevent people from keep sending emails.
Other sites prevent you from sending more than one message. Several do actually.i can list them but not sure if that is a violation or something.
It’s like driving a car and asking why the other person got airbags but I don’t. That’s all.
Marcus seems to have issues with respect and boundaries. I’m basing this off of previous forum post, comments,this current post, and the fact that I blocked him maybe a week after he joined the site. He sent a friend request and message when my profile clearly stated I do not accept friend request and I’m not interested in any men that are not local. The men that have been posting in the forum lately come off as the rapey type. Guess what guys, a rapist personality is not attractive.
Marcus why does it need to be a system issue, why can people not be responsible for their own actions. If I message someone that they dont reply, I just dont message them again, it’s that simple, why does there need to be a system in place preventing it. Be responsible for your own actions.
In our conversations, you asked me questions that were specifically answered in my profile…and then asked my opinion of you and “if you made the cut”. Too much too fast in a matter of 3 messages. I get tons of messages on here and messages like that go to the bottom of my response list. I’d likely eventually reply, but I work full time and have a life outside of this website.
Want to know how to really turn off a woman and make them less likely to respond to messages from you and other men in general?
Asks them leading questions they’ve already answered a dozen times, demonstrate a sense of entitlement and privilege, and then argue with their answers when they actually do give them to you.<SMFH>
A non response is actually a response.. it means not interested..
Good morning everyone. I will be happy to address all your concerns.let me grab my coffee. Ok, here goes!
– Elizabeth, you blocked me. No response should go both ways. Please refrain from using the rapist word, I never met you or talked to you, many men have went to jail and lost their lives for assumption of rape. Clearly your in another state. Furhermore you, blocked me 9 months ago, but still remember our conversations? Too little too late.
– Juicyboobs
Things enhance over time due to feedback. The first cellphone didn’t have a camera. I should be allowed to make suggestions about a platform especially if I am using it. I can’t speak for everyone, moreover as a woman you may not know what it is like as a man on this site. But I do thank you for your feed back.– Milk my cookies,
Totally understand. Inversely 3 emails from me may seem like 100 to you. Due to the immense competition here, it is very easy to fall through the cracks.there are about 500 guys to 150 women so yes men get ignored easily. My apologies. This site is very competitive for men and I understand work and such.-Divad
I respect you brother. What your doing is called co-signing. Your agreeing with what they are saying to put yourself in a positive position so you have something in common.I have not argued with anyone. I have stated my interpretation and facts in a polite manner.My actions do not affect the outcome of the other men on here scroll up there are 5 men to 1 woman If not more.
If what you said was true, then you agreeing with them would be pointless because I have already ruined your chances on here. But alas, your still agreeing with what they wrote.– Cremosa
No,a non response is rude and is not an actual response. If you were to go to Starbucks and order something and they said nothing, you would be upset.For this site, yes many women are afraid to reply not- interested so to appeal to their fear and minimize intimidation, we are saying a non response is a response.
– All
Ask yourself this?Why did you write to this forum? You could have read it and not responded.
According to you it would have been a response.right?You wanted to use your voice to tell me some information. not just you everyone who responds was given that choice.
I respect the freedom of speech and have silenced no one since I have been on this site.I have not blocked anyone and have been an adult to respectfully talk about it in public or private.
Thank you all for your time and have a nice day ❤️
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