- This topic has 26 replies, 19 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
@suckleman415 Based solely on this response, my friend, we are looking for different outcomes in our searches.
Good luck to you in your search!
Ladies and gentlemen, than you for the kind words of encouragement and advice.
I talked to my father about this and he made a suggestion (similar to one made above) that I will follow.
I just have no idea when to contact her. My instinct is to wait until the middle of the year, but my heart says no later than the middle of next month. I am trying to give her some space to distance herself from the emotions and hurt, but I also know that this is the rarest of all opportunities in many ways and if I don’t show I am willing to continue, she may not ever want to hear from me again.
Granted, that is a very likely possibility now, but still…
Ladies, what is your opinion?
What did she say when it ended? Did she say don’t contact her?
It’s really going to depend on what she felt/feels and wants. If for any reason she may feel uncomfortable or unsafe with you, do not reach out. No woman should feel those kind of feelings and fears when dating.
If it was a miscommunication or truly a misunderstanding that won’t matter in the long run, if you think that she wants you in her life and you are good and healthy and wonderful for her, then it may be ok to ask her if she would like to talk. Either way, do not send her big long explanations of why you did what you did. If you are not emotionally healthy, which this whole post feels very unstable to me, then take some time to focus on if you can be a good partner rather than seeking someone who you expect to forgive you and deal with you hurting them.
Hi Corey, I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to 😔 I don’t know what went wrong, so it’s difficult to know what advice to give you really. If you don’t feel comfortable going into detail on an open forum, you can message me to talk if you like. But as a general rule, I would say that unless she’s asked for space, it’s best to talk to her about it sooner rather than later. That way, you can communicate your intentions properly, instead of leaving her to draw her own conclusions. I hope things improve for you soon.
@btrfly Very well said.
Corey
We all make mistakes. First time meetings are always rough. The best plans can go south in a heart beat. Communication is the key, when I am with someone I always ask while nursing, are you comfortable, when I am comfortable I will say let’s take a break, then talk about it.
Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Ladies, looking at the texts again, she said she came with open heart and mind and I closed them.
She also said that this relationship was toxic to her, as our first meeting went much the same as previous relationships that were toxic.
I am not going to contact her. She seems to have made it clear she does not want to hear from me again.
Thank you all for the insight and advice. I am going to take time to heal from this and learn how to prevent it from happening again in the future.
No contact is for the best.
Develop lessons learned from this experience to help the next one go smoother.
I’m going to sound like an asshole but were you really in a ‘committed relationship’ less than a month of knowing each other?
Perhaps it’s just me I wouldn’t say I’m in a committed relationship with someone after knowing them for only a few weeks.
@londonman i agree. In Ireland we arent in a relationship unless we both know each others great great grandparents, what school lessons we take and what our first meal was for our holy communion almost. And the 300000 mixed digit password no one ever remembers.
I don’t know but maybe I see things a bit differently. It didn’t seem like everything was all roses in the beginning. When she’s saying things were toxic but you are saying things were great, what’s the disconnect?
What I read was too much too soon all at once. Lots of love bombing, infatuation/ new relationships energy, and professing online being in a committed relationship before the actual meeting. This would send a lot of women running, I could see her initial hesitation. She still went through with the meeting and it probably confirmed her red flags.For the future, I’d suggest slowing down.
@Bella Idid not post my original post about being in a committed ANR until after her visit was done and I thought it was official. However, your advice to slow down is advice I will take to heart.
For everyone’s knowledge regarding me, I do not fall in love quickly or easily. This particular woman had an unexpectedly powerful connection develop with me, which she also acknowledged. She is not the type to fall in love quickly or easily either.
It was real, and I screwed it up by making one of the biggest mistakes in my life and forgot to continue taking my anti-depressants. I have not ever forgotten to take them before, so the effects of not being on them hit hard.
I actually “ugly cried” (I think that is the term used nowadays) and I can’t remember the last time I cried like that. I cried again today as I was talking to someone on the phone.
Even for my soon-to-be-ex, and my last ex-girlfriend, I have never “ugly cried” over their loss.
It is exceptionally rare to find someone who matches you perfectly in temperament, dreams, and goals.
I am going to start seeing a therapist soon. I am going to figure out what my disconnect in myself is that I have not corrected yet and get it taken care of. I can’t continue as I have been in relationships or else I will never gain that which I seek.
Aww, Corey 😔 if you’re going to get close to someone, you should both be comfortable with each other expressing emotions, both positive and negative. A true nursing relationship is a very close connection and both people involved should be able to be themselves and open up completely. If she’s not comfortable with that, she’s not right for you. I’m sorry you’ve had an upsetting experience, try not to be too hard on yourself, you’re only human. Obviously, it’s not ideal to break down completely like that when you’ve only just met someone, but I’m glad you’ve decided to take the positive step of going for therapy. Most of us need to work on ourselves to some degree, and recognising that is half the battle. I wish you all the best on your road to recovery and eventually a happy and healthy relationship with someone who accepts all of you, not just the smiles and laughter.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.