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I’ve had a decent number of men approach me here politely inquiring about how to bring up this subject with women off site. My situation was that my bf had his suspicions I would be interested, that there was something “telling” about me.
So, to those of you who have successfully had abf/anr in the past, how did the topic come up? Do you think there are certain characteristics in a person that leads you to believe they’d be more open to it? If so, what are they? I’m curious if people in this community have a common trait that we could identify and use to suss out other abf lovers.
Personally, I wouldn’t dream of bringing it up with someone unless I knew they were into it. It’s quite a specific lifestyle and now that I’ve experienced it, I couldn’t even entertain the idea of meeting someone who isn’t definitely going to want it. That said, if it’s less of a lifestyle and more of a kink for some people, maybe it’s not as big a deal to some, and it doesn’t really matter to them so much, so probably just mention it off the cuff.
Life’s too short for overthinking. Just say what’s on your mind 😂
I recently shared here that I was able to have this discussion with a new female acquaintance. We have been seeing each other for two months on a casual (non-sexual) basis. The conversations have been both wide and at times deep. Fantasy and kink eventually came up. At one point I opened my mouth to start the conversation and immediately clammed up, and she saw it. A few days went by and in a quiet moment during a long pause, I asked her if we could talk about it for a minute and she eagerly agreed. So, I asked if she was familiar with the acronyms? She wasn’t so I gave those. She still wasn’t onboard with what I was saying so I had to literally explain. She listened patiently. I told her what it was, why it was important to me, and that I hoped, when the time was right, she would experience all the physical and emotional “feels” I associate with it also. She assured me, when the time was right, she could do this for me, with a light smirk and a knowing look in her eyes.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
To me – this was a potential deal-breaker and I wanted to get it out there sooner rather than later. And by deal-breaker, I meant for her. I wouldn’t reject a good woman because we weren’t on the same page about this. And the more I think about it, if you’re the right man for her, why would it be a deal-breaker for her? Let that sink in Men.Are you saying that any woman would do that for a man if she liked him enough? Or that you know she’s not right for you if she’s not into it?
Everyone has their dealbreakers, and if single and looking, I think it makes sense to share very early on what your priorities are in all areas–family, faith, life goals, and the bedroom. Frequency, kinks, must-haves and don’t-wants are good topics of conversation if you’re pursuing something long term together. Is it hard to bring up? Yes. Is it worse to stay silent and end up in a situation where your needs aren’t met? Yes. If you’re already dating someone and in a sexual relationship, I think you can broach the topic in stages–i.e. lots of praise when your partner lets you play with her nipples, lots of feedback about how much you enjoy it hope and she enjoys it too, then perhaps trying to initiate that sort of play more often. If you’ve never shared erotica or porn together before, this might be a good place to start–find a hot clip with nipple sucking and share how much you want to do that with her. If she seems receptive, perhaps share a pic or gif with lactation (if that’s your goal) or dry nursing (if that’s more of your aim) and see her reaction. COMMUNICATE. LISTEN. And know if this is a deal breaker for you or not. If she says “no way,” decide now if this is something you can’t live without because you owe it to both of you to be honest about your needs. If it’s HER you can’t live without, then be open to compromise and perhaps getting some, but not all of your desires met. And it goes without saying that these conversations are likely to be a lot more successful if you ask the other person what THEIR must-haves are and being open to giving them that AS WELL. And know that her must-haves might be things other than kinks or things she needs to have in order to consider certain things–things like security or monogamy or emotional connection. Or even things like equitable household labor division–if you’re asking her to consider pumping for you, be willing to consider what you could offer to ease her load to make that possible.
There’s this page from the lactation wiki: https://lactation.wiki/wiki/How_to_Talk_to_Your_Partner_About_ANR
Maybe that will help.
I think it’s a lot more difficult for men to bring it up to someone outside the ANR community as there’s a high likelihood he’ll be rejected or viewed as a pervert.
Being of the female side of the equation, I’ve mentioned the idea many times in my past and never had a man look horrified, but typically despite the words I’d use about connection and nurturing they would hear it as meaning the fast track to sex.
When I was dating in my 40s, I feel virtually everyone had some sort of kink. ANR was on the mild side. I do feel that it is easier to bring up if you are a women. I brought it up with maybe a dozen potential dates as it was a deal breaker for me if they had zero interest. 2 were a hard no, a few were neutral and probably half were a “hell, yes”. I married one of the “hell yes” guys 😄
I think being a “boob man”, not being grossed out by bodies in general and someone who is seeking a really intimate emotional connection points towards a good candidate for a partner open to ANR.
I’m new here so I’m just dipping my toe in the far end of the pool.
Personally, being male, I agree with the above comments that it’s harder for the man to broach the subject than the woman. I can’t speak for other men but it surprises me that in a comment above, there were men who had no interest in suckling. I suppose my surprise is because that has been my primary orientation from the first time I was allowed to touch, then kiss and then, mmmmmm, to be allowed to put her breast in my mouth. Maybe I’m just different. Who knows the reasons for variety?
Yeah, my ex husband was not a breast man at all. He tasted a bit of my milk after our first daughter was born, but only out of curiosity really. I always had to ask him to pay more attention to my breasts during foreplay and sex, he wasn’t really interested in them 🤷🏼♀️ admittedly, that was 20 years ago and long before the idea of adult breastfeeding crossed my mind, I just always had very sensitive breasts and enjoyed any stimulation of them from any man I was attracted to or felt close to. I couldn’t be with someone like that again.
I understand all too well. I just find it difficult to comprehend there being men who don’t find breast foreplay an integral part of lovemaking. Ok, I get it if they’re not into ABF (especially wet). I don’t know. Everyone is different. IMHO, you can put up without a lot of things but when you lose intimate conversation, then that door is hard to reopen.
Oh yeah, we talked about it but he’s very prudish so he was not comfortable discussing things like that outside of the bedroom and in the bedroom he just needed a lot of reminders to pay attention to my breasts.
That relationship was hard work in general to be honest we’re very different and those differences just became more apparent over time. Having had a relationship, albeit casual and fairly short lived, centred around breastfeeding, I would never entertain the idea of being without it in a relationship again. I’d rather remain single.
It’s an intriguing question Ellie, do members here have a common trait (not simply an interest) that calls them to ABF / ANR.
“In general” I find that members are most interested in either the sexual enjoyment that the sensuality of nursing brings (eg tantric) or the close bonding and commitment of nursing. This is quite a polarised view, but expect members to have a primary passion somewhere between those two.
So compatibility might look like a guy who’s a ‘giver’ by choice and who has a pretty obvious draw to boobs; I expect as guys are wired for visual attraction then they’d likely give away obvious cues that they’re a boob guy 👀😆
For females I expect whatever camp you’re in (sexual or nurture), the common theme is extended periods of suckling.I’ve had exes who’d say and believe they enjoy boob worship and being suckled but in reality only for short periods (foreplay) as it’s such a turn on they want to move things quickly on to sex.
When I first induced, I was vanilla dating someone but things were progressing from kissing to boob groping. I took that moment to announce that I lactate. He smiled, said Yummy and dove right in.
That relationship ended for many other reasons but he did love drinking breastmilk.
Using a similar tactic with other vanilla dates this time long before getting hands on, I had the experience of mostly appaled “boob” men.
Clowey, I would say I’m in both the sexual and nurture categories. It’s an all encompassing thing for me, or at least it was with my former ANR partner, and I can’t imagine it any other way now I’ve had that. It’s a whole lifestyle for me, or I’d rather go without completely than live half a life.
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