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I’m in a season of waiting and seeking—hoping to meet a woman who would be interested in me. While I wait, I don’t want to be passive. I want to practice being the kind of man who is ready.
So I’m asking: how can a man practice and prepare for being breastfed well before he’s chosen?
Right now, I spend several hours most evenings after work on sites like ABF Heaven and FetLife, carefully reading profiles, tailoring messages to people’s interests, and genuinely trying to connect. I’ve even expanded my search well beyond my local area because there simply hasn’t been much interest.
I’m sharing this not for sympathy, but for context.
I’ll be honest. I haven’t had much luck finding someone interested, and I don’t want that frustration to turn into impatience or unrealistic expectations. Instead, I want to use this time well and focus on preparation that matters most.
I’d love to hear how other men are preparing during this time, or how women would like to see men prepare while hoping to meet their ideal partner.
I like you spirit @asianmathnerd.
Keep going Bruh.! 💪 ❤️Possibly buy some bottles with wide nipple attachments and see if you can’t try different latch techniques that way?
Good luck to you finding a partner. For myself, I read “The Art of Lactation: The Loving Milk Maid’s Complete Guide to Making Milk for the Adult Nursing Couple” to gain insight into the journey and learn more about the lifestyle.
To tie-in a bit of Andy’s, Grog’s, and Way’s posts, this PSA gives you a good basic idea of milk production and a proper latch.
Unfortunately I haven’t found an instructive animation relaying the inner workings of latching and suckling from adult/adult perspective. Nevertheless, that which is shown between a mother and child in the link, underscores the basic method which holds true in either case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=DQj-Mn0c370&list=PLwDqfKDXInXjl2qVMume0KsaKdQxhmA9B
I think there may be some advantage to exercising your palate some. I haven’t thought of any exercises for it yet, but I am thinking about it now. It seems the women (in their comments) are seeking longer and longer sessions and you want desperately for her to be pleased. It just makes sense that you would prepare yourself as much as you can for that wonderful day of sharing. Many of the women here go through grueling and thankless days alone toward producing milk. It makes sense that a you would find a balloon (even better a thick walled balloon filled with water) to practice on to work on your latch, squeezing the body of it with your tongue that forces liquid toward your esophagus. It is also something to work on your endurance and developing your technique.
I believe most women will expect about two hours of nursing a session usually. But some may want/expect more… some less. Some women’s nipples may become sore after an hour or less. But I think two hours is pretty standard. Some will want nursing until Jesus comes again! But the fact is, you likely won’t get a second chance to redeem yourself late if she wasn’t pleased with the firat time. It would be horrific for both of you if you found your jaw got sore and had to stop after only an hour.
Your goal is to please her with everything you do with her and to make sure she know that you are trustworthy, safe, and very enjoyable for her… and make sure she knows how beautiful and enjoyable she is. If you can do those things she may become your first… and last partner.
I want this for you in time, my friend.
Hi guys,
There is a lot to say about breastfeeding snd latching. I love love love the idea that you even want to pracyisr @asianmathnerd! It tells me you want to put in effort. And commit to it. Thats very important.
Reading about lactation is a good idea, to come to understand the process of lactation and the enormous effort we put in to produce milk.
As for latching: ask women. They know how it feels and what works and what doesnt. In general: never use your teeth. Do not only suck the nipple, but put a lager part of the breast in your mouth. Suck hard and feel the nipple almost in your throat.
@Sam: about womens expectations: do not fill in for others! Always check expectations with your breastpartner. Personally, I think the quality of the experience is not determined by the length of it. If you need a break, you pause,or you stop, no problem. I really do not have expections beforehand on that.
Most important: communicate!! If you have questions or uncertainties: do tell your breastpartner. Ask her what she wants or likes. We do not expect a paryner who knows everything and can feel automatically what we want or need. Keep in mind not all women are the same. Thr success of a session depends on how the both of you are interacting. Its a journey you take on together and thats the beauty of it. Take time to discover each other. Dont be afraid everything has to be perfect. Relax. Do not take yourself to seriously. Have a laugh together if something happens. Have fun.Always remember we are as excited or nervous as you are. So do talk about it, thats always a relief to both.
Voice chat every other week on saturday is a great opportunity to learn more.
ES hosts. Dont know what time its starts for you. Its 23.00 GMT
Your tpoic woild be a great one to discuss.@Daisy: I wasn’t sure if your comments toward me were said in a snarky or hateful way or if you just wanted to give another perspective. It felt more on the snarky side though.
I acknowledge your comments as valuable and thought-filled. And it is very nice having a female POV too. But I don’t think it will be fruitful for either of us to have a knock down, drag out here. You have your thoughts and perspectives and I have mine. Neither expressed our thoughts fully or perfectly. But both views have been expressed for our friend (and others) to evaluate and decide from. I was only giving the thoughts and expectations that I have experienced. I didn’t go into the detail I wanted because no one would read it if it was that long.
I value your perspective and your place in this group. I hope mine are thought as well of in yours.
@sam, no absolutely not hateful!! Not at all! I like men being thoughtful and thinking things over. It is just as you say: another, female, perspective. No way I was trying to oppose, or belittle your perspective.
It is definitely a two-way process and good communication is vital.
The principles of breastfeeding are the same each time but the anatomy, likes, dislikes and the relationship itself always differ.
If both are respectful and caring a satisfying understanding can usually be found.From a women’s POV I’m gonna have to second what daisy said in regards to communication. It really is so important, since not every person and/or partnership is the same. What works for one may not for the other. So communication is imperative also because sometimes we have expectations which may or may not be far off from reality.
Good luck on your search!
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