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Hi! I’m Foxy, and I’m a romantic asexual!
I am making this post because I find a lot of people ask me what that means.
Everyone who identifies as asexual may or may not have similar views, and that’s okay! I don’t claim to be an expert, nor am I speaking for all asexuals. I can only speak for me and hope that other asexuals here feel safe enough to explain what that means to them.
For me, being asexual means, I will never ask you for a picture of you, your genitals, your body, your face, anything physical about you unless it is if I’m meeting you and need to know what you look like. I can appreciate a beautiful person like one appreciates a fine piece of art, but I feel absolutely no sexual attraction and am often repulsed by genitalia pics. I have the opposite reaction to most “sexually stimulating” pics.
What turns me on?
You. Your mind. Your thoughts. Your passions. Your goals. Your dreams. Things that you find joy in. Things that make you think. What makes you emotional. The way you are growing as a person. The things you are working on internally. The things you chose to share with me, whether it be silly, serious, or anywhere in between. Anything and everything that goes on in the grey matter in your skull. The things that make you you.
That’s hot af to me. That turns me on. If you mesh with me, it’s like touching the sublime connection.
I’m also romantic, so I love snugs, hugs, cuddles, light touches, and forehead kisses. Anything more, no thanks. Not until I know you in the ways I said above. I don’t even like regular kisses. Sex is not something I think of as a priority in a relationship. It is an activity that, unless I have that emotional and mental connection, is just meaningless and a waste of time.
I hope other asexuals post what they are attracted to and what they find hot af. I feel like in this particular activity, there are a lot more asexuals than we are aware of.
Great post and wonderful explanations of your feelings. Well done 🙂
Thank you for sharing.
How refreshing.
Not to be confused with celibacy. Which is a lifestyle choice. Being asexual is the essence of the asexual’s being.
Do you find it exhausting convincing people that there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not missing out on something? Or perhaps, you are the way you are because you haven’t experienced it being done properly? Or they go psychotherapist on you and determine that unresolved trauma needs to be resolved to fix you?
There are certain things that I do not care for sexually. And if they were the only things I had to look forward during intimacy I most definitely by now would have identified as asexual rather than continue to comply. Although, yes that would be celibacy by choice. 🤔
Which is a frightening thought to think I could have gone on being the people pleaser, fulfilling everybody else’s wishes but my own.
Hi! Aren’t the vast majority of people here because they are sexual?
It took me a long time to get to this place where I am 100% comfortable with being asexual. I went through most of my life having guys tell me there was something wrong with me and trying to “fix” me by having me do only the things they enjoyed while I derived zero pleasure from it, trying to convince me that I just wasn’t doing it right.
Now, I am confident in my sexuality and it isn’t up to me to change for other people to be happy but for them to realize that this isn’t a choice but a part of who I am. A part, that quite honestly, I really love about myself because it allows me to have real relationships that have substance and to discard those that are going to be shallow or ones that don’t promote growth for both people. It allows me to form the connection first so I can really enjoy the other person as who they are, not for an activity.
A lot of people tried to get me to see it as something wrong with me, but once I accepted it, I am glad it is a part of who I am.
@harveymushman Why do you think that?
Hi fellow a-spec person! I’m demi, so definitely lean more allosexual than you, but can definitely empathize with a lot of what you said! I tried to force myself to be in more traditional heterosexual, monogamous romantic/sexual relationships until my mid 20s when I finally started doing some healing and stopped people pleasing so much. It’s been an interesting decade of re-discovering myself, to say the least!
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