- This topic has 12 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 days, 20 hours ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Just asking a question to sate my own curiosity and to understand how people in this space approach finding partners.
How selective are you when it comes to the ages of your nursing partners? Are they dependent on your ANR goals? Do you have specific ranges? Have you ever made exceptions?
I ask because I think of my own ABF goals. My primary goal is to enter a true, serious relationship with a strong ANR element. For this, I’d want someone closer to my age (I’m 32), with some grace on either side.
However, I’m also very keen on having more casual nursing arrangements that are more akin to friendships. In these cases, I’m significantly more broad with my age ranges, being open to women over two decades older than myself. (It helps that I socialise very well with Gen Xers, a skill that seems to be lost on us younger millennials and younger!)
I gave it more than a few moments of thought, and I wondered if anyone else in this space, male or female, has multiple goals, with multiple demographics depending on the goal.
I am 44F and I am looking for a lifetime partner, romantic, solid relationship.
I would prefer someone my age but I have an age difference acceptance if a man/woman turns to be mature and have had similar experiences in life. It really is hard to measure in numbers.
But aging-wise, I don’t want to be replaced by someone younger, so the idea of a much younger partner isn’t the best for me. I know this community probably doesn’t focus so much on it, but I have met some shallow men on here treating looks like a higher priority.
What I am mostly interested is – are there common interests, how will I spend time with that person when living together, what type of friends we would have, can I be myself doing my work and growing in my career, can the person love my kid and accept my pets, am I able to accept the person as they are, are there differences that will bother me, and so many other things. I want to be in a consistent relationship – communication that is regular is a must, equal power distribution, etc.
The age isn’t really the most important factor, but it is important. Also, probably because I still want one more kid, so that age difference hopefully is like my age or lower than mine by a little bit. I do consider slightly shifting my career to stay home with a child to establish breastfeeding schedule and all, but finding a partner that is financially stable and at a same time compatible is always a challenge, so eventually I won’t consider the family unit at all and focus only on my career goals. I gave myself a timeline and after that I will be closing that chapter. So, after that point of time, I probable won’t care too much to be close to the age, I may then be more open to the age difference more, but I yet need to get there.
It is really up to one’s goals, which affects how we see the age I think.
It’s about matching personality. Age doesn’t play major role for me, but maturity does.
As Kate said, it’s about sharing life and interest together.I’m in agreement with previous statements.
With the partners I have had before, ages 27 to 60… they were interested primarily in establishing a nurturing emotional connection.“What I am mostly interested is – are there common interests, how will I spend time with that person when living together, what type of friends we would have, can I be myself doing my work and growing in my career[…]
[…]I want to be in a consistent relationship – communication that is regular is a must, equal power distribution, etc.”This was the sort of theme of my thoughts when I was contemplating this. When I’m looking at casual ANRs (both short term and long term casuals), personality and the ability to get along with them is the only thing that would really matter. I’m JUST enough out of touch with Gen Z that I can comfortably socialise with older people without issue. It’s why I’d be very open to an ANR friendship with, say, a 60 year old, because I think we could really enjoy each other’s company and we can treat each other emotionally well throughout our sessions.
When it comes to serious and long term relationships, though, a lot more comes into play. Things like compatible life trajectory, interests and values that run deeper than surface level, whether I can accept certain aspects of their life as they would aspects of my life, the maturity and deeper personality of the other… All of this becomes vital if I am looking to make someone a girlfriend or potential wife. For me, I want to become a father within 5 years. Because of this one huge aspect, I lean towards those younger than me, and I’d feel bad reaching past my boundary of 34 or so.
I appreciate your input, Kate! You explained your stance better than I think I ever could have, and it’s helpful for me to think about in my own life. 🙂
Age can be a big thing for me. I’m looking for a life partner and don’t want to be replaced by a younger model if a younger guy realises he wants kids.
Its also a factor in the dynamics of a relationship, I’m not into age play and I really wouldn’t want a partner who is young enough to be my son. I’d feel pretty uncomfortable with that….
It’s funny you mentioned age play, Welshie. I’m also staunchly against age play both as the older party and the significantly younger one.
But, that links back to what Kate and the other gentlemen said: maturity. I could be with, say, a 20 year old, provided she was mature enough to handle a serious relationship and I didn’t feel like I was babying her (both inside and outside of the bedroom). Similarly, I could enjoy my time with someone my mom’s age as long as I felt we were more or less equals and I didn’t feel patronised or infantilised by her attitude and experience.
Of course, this is not criticism of yours or anyone else’s choices or preferences in any way whatsoever! This is pretty much just me thinking out loud. 🙂
I dated men 28+ but I am going to say that as much as they thought they were ready for a serious relationship, the maturity level was not there yet. It is not a bad thing, everyone gets there in their own time.
I simply prefer men around 35+ so it is somewhat closer to 40s, which not necessarily will mean they are mature to match my energy or life experiences, but it really depends on a person at that point, so I try not to judge straight up.
Eagerness to breastfeeding is a small part of living together with someone. Many people forget that. Living together for a lifetime (marriage is my ultimate goal) is all those little things. The things that make the relationship functional. As much as age may not be the ultimate factor, it somewhat sits oftentimes at that close range to our own.
My own goals are similar to Nick and Kate. Ideally I’m looking for someone to be in a long term relationship with. Common interests and experiences are key in my books along with maturity. Ideally I’d like someone five years either side of my age so somewhere between 36 and 46.
It’s largely based on who you are and what your intent is. I’ve always had a thing for women across all ages, so age gap doesn’t bother me. However, I’ve also had people shut me down directly because they just weren’t comfortable with the age gap. So it might matter for some.
What matters to me is personality… Someone doing ANR for the thrill and sexual gratification of it can be fun, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s not my reason.
I personally have been using ANR as a sort of touch therapy … I’ve spent pretty much my entire life touch starved, having hardly ever experienced physical comfort. The pain of that was getting to be too much and here I am.
So because of that, I generally gravitate towards partners that have a softer presence and comforting feel. Something nurturing and kind. Because of that, there’s definitely a lean towards an older, more mature demographic who are into ANR for that reason. But not to say there aren’t girls my age who feel the same.
Seeking comforting personalities has helped bring a warmth back into my life. I’ve experienced being held, cuddled, caressed for the first time. I’ve gone on my first ever dates. Even got my first ever kiss! I can attribute that to the soft and beautiful souls I’ve encountered.
ANR has brought a light into my life. It has no exaggeration relieved a burden on my soul, my daily existence. And that’s not from some sexual fetish. It’s from the warmth and beauty of two humans finding comfort and solace.
TL;DR- it doesn’t. But what I’m seeking from ANR lends itself to an older demographic. the reason isnt age, but age lends itself to the reason.
Ciao,
WyattAge isn’t a defining factor for me. Mutual attraction, chemistry, and mutual wants are more important in my opinion. I’ve met women who were slightly older (5+ years) than myself and we still had an enjoyable time!
The issue with ANR/ABF is most assume if you are approaching a woman older than yourself then you’re seeking a “mommy” dynamic and you’re turned down immediately which is a little frustrating.
I think it all depends on what you’re seeking. If you’re seeking a LTR then perhaps age is more important.
Never really thought about it before but I guess someone close to my age or older I feel I would get the most satisfaction from. LTR. Not that I’m looking for a mother figure.
“The issue with ANR/ABF is most assume if you are approaching a woman older than yourself then you’re seeking a “mommy” dynamic and you’re turned down immediately which is a little frustrating.”
If I ever find an older nursing partner, this is a real (if probably unlikely) fear of mine, especially since you and I, Dia, are of a younger demographic in this space. Even if someone is much older, I’d still want to be seen as much an equal as them as possible. After all, I’m looking for a nurturing figure, NOT a mother figure. There’s a big difference between the two.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.