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Every now and then, the question comes up here as to “What is the best pump to get?” It actually came up here pretty recently. I’ve inquired here about this topic myself.
But have a “pump” question that has me scratching my head and I would love to get some input on it from some of our extremely knowledgeable ladies here. I recently began messaging with a lactating mom of two who works from home about the possibility of having a wet nursing relationship with her.
We have agreed on her hourly nursing fee ($200) and a babysitting fee of between $120 and $170 depending on how long we go, since she obviously can’t host. To minimize the babysitting costs, I’ll use my hotel points until they run out rather than have her drive an hour to me.
Then after we get all that settled, she brings up the idea of ME buying an adult breast pump for her use after our nursing sessions. She explains that after she nurses her two year old son, she spends some time pumping, using her “kid version” Mom Cozy pump, she sent me a picture of it. She says I need to get for her an “adult size” breast pump, which I would keep, so that she can pump her breasts after our nursing sessions, which will probably be about 2 or 3 times a month if I decide to go ahead with this.
Quite frankly, I was a bit dumbfounded at the suggestion of me buying her a breast pump, that I would keep, which would be used specifically for our nursing sessions. After I thought about this for a bit, I thought that maybe she has a point. Could the health of her son somehow be compromised by her nursing an adult partner, unless she were to use a different pump after she and I are finished?
There is one other statement she made that really kinda threw me, if true. Here it is, word for word….
“If you should suckle the breast of a wet nursing mother and she doesn’t evacuate the retained milk, the toddler will never suck such a breast any more and not with the toddler breast should be used”
I think I detect a slight grammatical hiccup there right at the end, but her overall point is clear.
Is she right? Should I just buy the damn pump and be happy as all hell that I have found a woman who is bursting with milk and will take my wet nursing virginity…..finally! 🤗
Is there any science backed to what she is saying…….i have no clue but either way it doesn’t really matter. I think she believes this to be true and I think you have to see whether you buying her that pump is worth it so she has peace of mind about it is something you have to see if it’s worth it to you. She could very well change her mind if her “conditions” and requirements are not met. So I think whether it’s true or not is irrelevant.
She is bilking you (and milking you) out of a lot of money. There is no difference between those kind of pumps….that’s a lot of hooey. A professional hospital grade pump can cost $1200 to purchase, but most moms who are nursing do just fine with a regular $300 pump. And further, it doesn’t cost $120-$170 for 2-3 hours of babysitting. I nursed and raised 4 children so I have some real life experience in these things. If I were you, I would RUN.
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Sorry is she asking you to buy a hospital grade pump or just buy the exact one she currently has that would be in your possession ?This is interesting. The money question keeps me thinking. I admit i also thought: a lot of money. On the other hand: lactating isnt free. When enjoying it together, why should the woman pay for it all?
If things she says seem funny then listen to your gut. You can help her as a mother with kids if she’s not able to sustain herself being on her own etc..it would count towards a good deed for sure ❤️
Not only that @dairydaisy but will it be worth the mom’s time to leave her child to have a random man nurse from her?
If it isn’t worth it then why would she do it?Exactly MizzLizz!! Totally with you! And also: i pay all the men working for me: carpenter, car repair etc. So, why not pay a woman for such a service?
@dairydaisy that is a very good question. If I call a plumber he charges me one price just to show up and whatever is needed is additional.
Perhaps I should have been a plumber. No one questions their pricing. LolHi, thinking about openi g a different topic on this. Vinman ask3d a different question. I agree, why not if she is comfortable when a pump is at hand.
It makes sense that you’re confused by her request as anyone would be. You’ve already negotiated rates, travel and logistics, so having a new requirement pop up afterward is naturally going to raise questions. You’re not wrong to pause, think this through and ask for advice.
From a lactation standpoint, though, what she told you isn’t accurate. There’s no evidence that a toddler will refuse a breast simply because an adult nursed earlier and to my knowledge, there’s no medical need to “evacuate retained milk” to protect the child. Toddlers stop nursing for all kinds of reasons, but this isn’t one of them. Likewise, there’s no such thing as an “adult‑size” pump, they vary in strength and comfort but not in a way that distinguishes adult use from child use.
That doesn’t mean she’s being malicious. People sometimes repeat myths they’ve heard or they frame a personal preference as a medical need because it feels easier than saying, “This would make me more comfortable.” Pumping after sessions might genuinely help her maintain supply or feel physically better. But the explanation she gave isn’t grounded in lactation science.
What is happening is that she’s introducing a new cost and presenting it as a necessity. Only you can decide whether that feels okay within the dynamic you’re building. If you’re excited about the connection and the pump isn’t a big deal to you, that’s your call. But it’s also completely reasonable to ask for clarity before agreeing to something that wasn’t part of the original arrangement.
You’re not being unreasonable and you’re not missing some obscure breastfeeding rule. You’re just navigating a new dynamic and trying to make sense of a request that doesn’t quite add up and that’s wise.
I realise that you asked for a Ladies view, however, I have done quite a lot of study into ABF and thought I would provide an insight with the knowledge I have to answer your original question, I hope it helps.
I’ve heard of a rate of $200 for one hour of nursing, I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I think if she wants a better pump, you could also pay your rent one. Or maybe reimburse her the cost of the rental, monthly so it’s on her to manage the care and rental terms. This would be a hospital grade Symphony. More pumping could increase her supply, as will a long session with you. The rate for babysitting seems very high.
Now that I think of it further, if she’s already nursing a toddler, she’s likely fine to use something like a Spectra, and not a Symphony. It would be a more quality pump compared to a Mom Cozy. Her sentiment re:the toddler at the breast after seems very odd, and misinformed. I had my husband suckle me plenty of times before I switched back to my babies. Lots of women have, by either necessity due to clogs, etc, ir pleasure. She could start increasing pumping now to up her supply in anticipation of you latching.
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