- This topic has 11 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Feelin’ it…because some days are hard, but…the show must go on. Even if with a sigh…a deep one as the night requires it.
Every rose has its thorn, and every love story has its lessons. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is walk away—from almosts, from half-loves, from people who cannot hold the depth of our hearts.
I have never been afraid of being alone. I’ve been alone most of my life. Not because I don’t know how to love, but because I love too deeply, too fiercely. The world doesn’t always know what to do with that. Most people don’t. But I refuse to shrink. I refuse to settle for lukewarm love, for empty hands and hollow promises. I will not quiet my soul for the comfort of staying.
I want mad, insane love—the kind that sets you free, not cages you. A love that gives you wings to fly and a hand to hold while you do. An equal. A partner. Someone who meets me where I am and wants to build something unshakable.
Because the wrong love is lonelier than being alone.And I’d rather have nothing than a love that feels like emptiness.
So here’s to walking away from what’s not meant for us—so that what IS can finally find us…
With love, Sophia X
We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside
Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I triedBut I guess that’s why they say
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thornI know I could have saved a love that night
If I’d known what to say
Instead of makin’ love
We both made our separate ways…
Photo of me, taken on my birthday just over three weeks ago, holding a rose—beautiful, delicate, full of promise… but with thorns I never saw coming. Some things in life are like that. We reach for them, drawn to their beauty, only to bleed in ways we never expected. But even pain has purpose. Even loss can lead us home.
A brilliant post and thoughtful choice of words throughout. Keep up the great work Elayne
Incredibly poignant and so true.
“ A love that gives you wings to fly and a hand to hold while you do. An equal. A partner. Someone who meets me where I am and wants to build something unshakable.”
Couldn’t agree more and keep flying with the one who will fly with you and the two of you are committed to sharing it forever.
Thank you Harry…I chose to do this, I mean I could have stayed for the breadcrumbs or because he wanted to leave it open ended, but I know I deserve more. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, even if early days and only a few months down the road.
Thank you for that comment, though (virtual hug).
You’re very welcome and your raw, deep, powerful words stir up emotions that make me frustrated at how some men can be such insensitive idiots when an incredibly beautiful committed woman expresses her needs and vulnerabilities and yet he chooses to ignore or disregard them rather than growing and finding a truly real deep love connection that is not guaranteed or even experienced in life by most. Huge virtual HUG back. “Don”t stop believen…hold on to that feeeeelin’. Several songs by Chicago also come to mind.
Dear Elayne,
Thank you very much for the answer and also for the new post.
I have read it and immediately felt lack of happiness in my mind and soul.
A lot of questions came to my mind.
I understand your point that “SOMETIMES, THE BRAVEST THING WE CAN DO IS WALK AWAY”.
Yes, this can be an option. But the coin has another side too.
So I can say that SOMETIMES, THE BRAVEST THING WE CAN DO IS TO OVERCOME THE DIFFICULTIES AND TO IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
And one of the questions is which option requires more strength, energy, understanding empathy and so on. The first one or the second one?
Which option could develop people better?
Or is everybody so perfect that for them there is no room for improvement?
Where is the line between courage, compromise and cowardice? Can’t different people judge the same thing in different ways?
Fortunately, I am not the God to judge, just a person who likes to listen to others, their arguments, feelings and emotions. I can learn a lot from them.
Therefore, thank you very much for your new post.
Warm regards,
JozsefAgreed (forgive my brief answer), when people have agendas, and/or they never meant to give emotionally or invest in a relationship, and misled you, then yes YOU MUST WALK AWAY. Avoidants are not healed and there is nothing to fix in a relationship where one person has misled another and not been honest from the start. Someone who is an avoidant is all about themselves, seeing you as an option and never wanting to put you first (and he actually agreed he would never put others first again). You cannot build with someone whose heart is closed and whose ego rules all.
Dear Elayne,
It would be easy to say yes to what you wrote. But, of course, I don’t know your whole situation.
What I perceive from your writings is that you have not been able to find the right partner in your entire life. Therefore, it would be worthwhile to think over what happened and change certain points, make compromises, etc.
To avoid misunderstandings, I am not an expert, but I would like to read that you have found the right one. I hug you from the bottom of my heart.
Warm regards,
JozsefJozsef, when an individual enters into a relationship with an agenda and also lacks any emotional connection ergo they won’t give any emotional support to the relationship because he is focused on achieving his own agenda. He lacks emotional maturity and at best fanes genuine care for the other person. It is nothing other than pure selfishness on his part.
Nor is it Elayne’s responsibility to “change certain points, make compromises, etc.” as this enables the selfish insensitive behavior of this emotionally unavailable immature male. NEVER compromise your genuine beliefs, principles, and feelings when someone else takes advantage of you and is emotionally abusive regardless of how they justify their toxic behavior. Glad Elayne made the right decision and separated herself from this individual. You will be flying high again Elayne very soon.
Indeed Harry, indeed.
Decades ago I was a victim of domestic violence, due to coming from a good home, albeit broken with parents who did not know how to love, each other or their kids. That created a whole set of problems for me even when I left home as I kept tolerating unworthy behaviour as I did with my parents justifying they had had a bad day etc.
Fast forward a few years I studied psychology (I hold diplomas in Jungian Psychology, Shadow-work, Psychospiritual Counselling and have trained with one of the best psychologists for healing deep wounds, the son of the father of archetypal psychology (Hillman). I wanted to understand why my parents acted (and continue to act that way) but also myself and past experiences. That took a lot of soul searching and also becoming comfortable to be on my own. I also wanted to help others who had experienced similar hence my training (I’ve also trained in history, spirituality, wellbeing and many other areas and have always worked and studied).
So I knew when I realised he was an avoidant, and also saw the selfishness, regardless of an agenda which I feel he had, that it wasn’t going to ever work. I have spoken to many of you men privately, some with partners, and I always insist we work with them for love is worth saving …but there can be no love when one person is withholding emotions and not willing to give. And relationships with avoidants are the most dangerous and damaging as it really is all about them; even when you choose to walk away or if they discard you, they will always try to leave it open ended (which he indeed did) so you can still remain an option no matter what.
No thanks to being an option. Fact is I haven’t needed a man for many years, while it would be nice to share my life with someone who brings equally to the table and wants/is ready for love, but I don’t need it. There’s a difference between a woman who’s needy (or a man) and who wants to fill a void, with anyone really, and a woman who is complete and whole by herself, has built a fulfilling life and doesn’t really need anyone, but chooses to have the company of given friends and a partner.
Love doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to be true, and reciprocal. It can sometimes take a while for us to see things especially when we are right in them and emotionally involved as most people wear a mask and pretend to be a certain way at first which goes way beyond showing their best side. But the masks can only last for so long, regardless of whether relationship starts virtually or is long distance. It’s why I take my time in physically meeting a person and don’t jump right in, because masks typically fall off 3-4 months later. There is a rule in Tantra, real Tantra which is a life choice and lifestyle with a soul mate and not really what we see mainstream, about not being intimate with new partners for at least the first 3 months, this makes sense when we look at the psychology side of things too.
So there you have it, I practice what I preach, and that’s why I do a blog here on sacred sexuality health, wellbeing, psychology which in many ways is a journal of my life but also contains wisdom, healing and advice that works. I shared this personal post and glimpse of my life not because I wanted to complain about this or seek sympathy or vent, but in the hope it would be helpful to all of you in similar situations or healing ❤️🩹 as a real life example. We can only meet people at the level they are at.
I always give 200% in all aspects of my life especially love, but it is impossible in some scenarios.
Thank you Harry for that really thoughtful and extremely valuable comment which I agree with, and for creating a great discussion all of you.
It’s been years since I had a rose with way too many thorns exit my life. Still remember the pain, so strong and relentless.
One silver lining was the personal growth that ensued, with professional help. Opened old wounds and was a unique opportunity for healing.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.