Discussion: What do you LIKE to read in a first contact message?

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
  • Author
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  • #602439
    Jake
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    We constantly hear a lot of disappointing stories of men sending rude, creepy, or just plain cringey messages to women to initiate contact. I thought it would be nice to hear about the opposite (and even gather helpful suggestions for those who do want to message people without coming across poorly).

    Ladies, what kind of messages would you like to receive/have you received in the past from men hoping to chat/meetup/whatever that you were happy to receive, or at least made you want to entertain a conversation with them?

    It’s something I’ve been wondering for a few days with regards to my own messages. When I initiate contact, I do so as pleasantly as I can come across, make a note of something on their profile or something they said recently, and invite them to converse if they’re open to it, keeping things tame and “boring” so as not to inadvertently cross any boundaries I may not be aware of. I wonder if my approach is an acceptable one, or even if it’s TOO indirect.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Gentlemen, if you also have any insight to share, that would be wonderful. 🙂

    #602494
    Moonlightriver88
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • Other Country

    Ideally something about the personality of the person who wrote me and why they chose for me to write, a few reasons not the standard. How did you get into ANR, the standard messages they copy paste is not what one is looking for, it easily shows is a formula message for all women regardless of who they are.

    #602536
    Eddie
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Florida

    Thanks for the insight Moonlight!

    #602537
    Agent Rose
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • USA
    • Oregon

    Jake.. this is hard to articulate but I will try.

    Imagine you are at the café and this amazing woman is engrossed reading a book which happens to be by your favorite author but you haven’t read it yet. How would you engage in real life?

    Two really awesome examples for me this week:

    – “I gathered from the global chat that you travel alot. That intrigued me. Might we have a conversation? “… we have been chatting for several days now.

    – A photo along with a voice memo… this truly felt like that café moment when someone says excuse me… you look up and see a charming face and immediate conversation happens.

    The common point between the two was the initiation was NOT need based like “I want to nurse so bad, will you be the one?” Kind of opener. In both cases, there was general genuine curiosity about me as a person. Yes… eventually the conversation moved toward ABF/ANR but a rapport was established.

    #602544
    btrfly
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • California

    All i can think of , are the ones that drive me insane…Never… lead with.

    “Hey, I like your profile, can you add me, so I can see your tits”

    It’s an instant block/ignore. They are set to private for a reason. We will NEVER be friends..because it’s a dick move. 🩵

    #602559
    Michael
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Arizona

    I like to open the conversation with an introduction. Telling the person I speak with a little about myself and ask if she would be interested in chatting. This gives her the opportunity to review my profile and picture of course to see if she wants to engage in conversation.

    #602569
    Jake
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Your posts have really made me think, and I’ve come to two conclusions.

    1. These introductory messages seem to be applicable to all women I may meet, whether in real life or online. They’re not exclusive to a place like ABF Heaven (except maybe “please add me, i want to look at your boobies”, but that’s neither here nor there).

    2. I realise that my apprehensions stem from the dating culture of today. These days, where dating apps are massively popular, innocuous, more thoughtful messages are discouraged. Simultaneously, thanks to things like “creeps” being put on blast online like on Tiktok becoming very common, (sensible) people are afraid of being SLIGHTLY forward for fear of social backlash. The oxymoron of the two makes me constantly overthink the first message approach.

    It sounds like as long as I genuinely introduce myself like a normal person and/or show a real interest in the lady and her personality (like a normal person), I’m on the right track. 🙂

    #602627
    Welshie🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male
    • United Kingdom

    I want to know something about the person messaging me and why they decided to say hi. A genuine representation of themselves and not a generic message they would send anyone – more showing that they’ve actually read and understood my profile I guess…

    #602650
    Kat
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • Florida

    Hey Eddie

    #602663
    Honeysuckle88
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • California

    A question about what was your favorite connection you had that you would like to recreate? Any question that is creative and willing to answer because it lets me know you have original thought. We all know why we’re here, get to the point.

    #602702
    Nick
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Massachusetts

    More than just “hi” lol

    #603430
    The Milk Lad
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Texas

    I copied and pasted before definitely doesn’t work , you can’t even a apologize for being lazy lol
    I once got a message from somebody and she was the only one to ever show interest in anything I did or said on here.

    that sort of opened my mind up from before but the truth is it just depends on the person your messaging

    Always read the bio though that’s a good start

    #603432
    The Milk Lad
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • USA
    • Texas

    She deleted her account :/

    #605643
    Bergamot
    Participant
    • Male
    • Looking for: Female
    • United Kingdom

    Messages are very difficult to bring over your personality and to me that takes many messages (to encourage a two way conversation) to establish a healthy connection.

    I struggle with this especially as I am neurospicy, where narrow focusing on subjects is going to happen, so it’s another layer of complexity to me.

    I’m sure we all just want to be understood and I do think there isn’t a standard way of this. I think you just have to relax and encourage some level of conversation and if that takes time so be it, and why rush.

    I do wonder impatience is one of the reasons, with the fast world we are living in.

    #609148
    Cremosa78
    Participant
    • Female
    • Looking for: Male & Female
    • USA
    • California

    Hello!
    As a first contact msg.. I want to know right away that they have read and understood my profile!!! And if a certain group is asked not to msg.. ie age, distance.. do NOT just go ahead and message any way.. Have some respect please

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